


Stranger

by sparklepox (travelingpsycho)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, Spies & Secret Agents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-07-28 19:56:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 71,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7654567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/travelingpsycho/pseuds/sparklepox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Minseok has spent his whole life training to be the perfect spy. On his first mission, infiltrating a university to protect a student, he learns that his strict training hasn't prepared him for the hardest part of being undercover: people.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Warnings:** minor character death, lots of deception (due to undercover work), non-graphic violence
> 
>  **Author's Note:** Many thanks to Mich for the excellent prompt and for bearing with me taking forever to write it. Thank you also to Difa, Gwynn and Jae for handholding and saving me when I got stuck.

Campus is bustling with activity as Minseok carries his bags into his dorm, freshmen accompanied by their parents lugging oversized suitcases and stuffed shopping bags from their cars. Minseok doesn't have much by comparison, a backpack and two small suitcases, but it's already far more than he's ever had to his name before. It's far more than he needs, in his opinion, but his local handler, Heechul, insisted that if he wants to blend in, he has to have the clothes and technology and mementos that any college student would.

Minseok isn't worried about blending in. He was born for this, literally, and he's spent his whole life training to be the perfect spy, to fit in wherever the government sends him and do whatever they need of him. Add to that the last few months that he's spent thoroughly preparing for this assignment, learning everything about American colleges and building a solid cover story, and he's ready to be Minseok "Michael if you really must" Kim, ordinary eighteen-year-old Korean student come to the U.S. to expand his horizons and prepare for the future. He has nothing to be afraid of. Besides, he's never been afraid of anything.

There are three people in Minseok's dorm room when he opens the door, two adults and a boy in shorts and a t-shirt. The boy grins when he sees Minseok and hops to his feet. "Hi!" he chirps. "Are you Minseok?"

Minseok flashes him the smile he practiced in front of the mirror until it looked convincing. "That's me." Minseok's English is flawless when he wants it to be, but he's adopted a mild accent for this mission in order to avoid questions of where in Korea he learned such perfect English.

"Nice to meet you! You can call me Bill if you want, but I guess since you're Korean, you'd probably rather call me Baekhyun."

"Bill?" Minseok asks.

"It doesn't fit me, does it? I was thirteen when I came to the U.S. and I didn't know anything about English names, so I picked that, and it's too much effort to change it now. You can stick to Baekhyun."

"You're Korean?" Minseok had the option to contact his roommate before the start of the school year, but he didn't. He has an excuse prepared if he needs it, that he was traveling all summer and was barely online, but Baekhyun doesn't seem to care.

"I am." Baekhyun suddenly switches into Korean. "I went to high school here, so I can help you out if you don't understand anything."

"Thank you." In Korean, at least, Minseok doesn't have to pretend to not know the language perfectly.

Baekhyun introduces his parents, and Minseok introduces Heechul as his uncle, and they proceed to chat as they unpack their things and arrange the room. "It's a tiny room for two people, isn't it?" Baekhyun comments, gesturing at the small space between their beds and the desks at the far end of the room.

Until last week, Minseok slept in a bunkroom with nine other people, bunk beds lined up with just enough space around them to get in and out. Here, he has a bed and a desk and so many drawers to put his things in. He shrugs. "We'll manage."

Minseok and Heechul end up getting dragged out to dinner with Baekhyun and his parents, but after that, they say their goodbyes. Minseok is left alone with Baekhyun and the knowledge that this mission, and this role as a spy that he's spent his entire life preparing for, are finally beginning. So far, all that means is spending time with his new roommate, but tomorrow, orientation begins and the wheels will be set in motion. He's not sure what to call this feeling that makes his heart beat faster, but it just might be excitement.

 

Freshman Orientation begins with something called an "icebreaker," which turns out to mean an activity for getting to know new people. Minseok has a survey to fill out, looking for someone who's done each of the things on the list. There are twenty people in Minseok's group for the icebreaker, presided over by an RA named Henry, but Minseok's attention is focused on one. Kim Junmyeon is the son of the CEO of Guardian Gold, Inc. and the reason Minseok came halfway around the world to an American university.

Guardian Gold is a powerful company, and while government intelligence has yet to prove it, they're suspected of having black market ties, including arms dealing. Whatever they're involved in, it's drawn the attention of a dangerous multinational organization the government refers to as Organization X. Operatives of said organization are believed to be targeting Junmyeon in order to gather information from him about Guardian Gold or, if it comes to that, to use him as leverage against his father.

Minseok's primary mission is to get close to Junmyeon and prevent him from falling into the clutches of Organization X or anyone else who might seek to use him against his father. He's also supposed to gather any information he can regarding Guardian Gold's illegal activities. Ideally, he should keep Junmyeon safe in process, but that's not a priority. They're playing a much bigger game than one man, however rich and powerful his family may be. Junmyeon's life isn't important, only keeping others from controlling it.

Junmyeon isn't at all what Minseok expected from his file, which showed his perfect grades and clean-cut appearance. He cheerfully introduces himself as James Kim, but after Minseok gives his own name, he says, "Oh! Then you can call me Junmyeon." With a grimace, he admits, "I don't like James that much, but it beats people here trying to say Junmyeon."

Working through the survey, Minseok learns that Junmyeon has never been to Washington D.C. ("But I really want to go!"), is not afraid of spiders ("But that doesn't mean I like them") and was not born in January, but he is good at math. Minseok smoothly lies that he doesn't speak more than two languages (nine, actually) and he doesn't know how to drive (cars, motorcycles and trucks, in fact) and that he _does_ have a little sister, two years younger than him. Junmyeon laughs loudly when Minseok says that she's a brat.

"It was nice meeting you!" Junmyeon says before they separate to talk to other students. "I hope we can talk more soon."

"Me too," Minseok agrees, pleased with the start things are getting off to.

 

That night, he has dinner with Junmyeon, along with Baekhyun and Junmyeon's roommate Han, an unassuming but good-looking guy from China. They're eating pizza, a food Minseok knows about but has never eaten before, and he's enjoying it greatly. It burns his tongue, but he likes the taste and the texture of the gooey cheese. He's eaten nutritious but bland rations his whole life, and he had no idea what he was missing out on.

"Orientation is fun so far, isn't it?" Baekhyun asks, his mouth full of pizza. "I think I'm going to like college."

Minseok nods in agreement because it seems like the right response, but he doesn't know if it's the truth. He can recite the dictionary definition of fun, but it's not something he has any experience with. He likes the food so far; is that fun? Mostly he feels satisfaction at finally being out here in the field, putting everything he learned into practice. He doubts that's what Baekhyun is feeling.

"It won't all be fun, you know," Junmyeon counters. "College is hard work."

"Yeah, yeah," Baekhyun grumbles. "Just enjoy the moment, killjoy."

Junmyeon laughs. "Guilty as charged. But I know how to have fun too, don't worry."

"Good." Baekhyun's mischievous grin makes Minseok think his roommate is going to make his job much more difficult if he has his way.

"I love meeting so many new people, don't you?" Junmyeon continues. "Everyone's so different and interesting." 

"Yeah," Han agrees with somewhat less enthusiasm. From what Minseok has seen so far, he's a lot quieter than his roommate, and probably not as good at meeting new people.

Minseok nods again. In one day of orientation, he's already met more new people than he has in years, all of them very different. Minseok's fellow Students, as their government handlers dubbed them, aren't identical to him, but being born with the same genetic modifications to give them physical and mental advantages and raised in the same controlled environment means that they have a lot in common. The students here don't look alike or speak alike or dress alike or behave in the same way, and Minseok suspects he'll only notice more differences as he gets to know people better.

"'Different and interesting.' What a polite way of saying 'weird,'" Baekhyun jokes.

"Speak for yourself," Junmyeon retorts. Han laughs, so Minseok takes the hint and does too.

"Whatever." Baekhyun rests his arm on the back of Minseok's chair, and Minseok tamps down on the instinct to tense up like it's an attack. "My roomie and I will be weird together. Right?" He looks at Minseok for confirmation.

It's a strange thing to say, and Minseok doesn't know how to respond. His perplexed expression makes Junmyeon and Han laugh, and Baekhyun joins them a moment later. Minseok's still lost, but he smiles like it's funny. For all his training and preparation, he realizes, there's more he needs to learn about humor and human interaction if he's going to fit in here.

 

By the end of orientation week, Minseok has friends, or at least people who call themselves that. It's unexpected; he knows what friendship is, and it shouldn't, as he understands it, be possible to establish it in a week. Then again, if people want to call him their friend, he isn't going to argue, especially not when one of those people is Junmyeon. This is exactly what he needs, to fit in smoothly and get close to Junmyeon as quickly as possible.

Besides Junmyeon, Baekhyun and Han, there's Yixing, another Chinese student, and his roommate Jongdae, from Korea. They all live on the same floor, with Minseok and Baekhyun in the middle and the others at opposite ends of the dorm. There's also a group of girls in a triple on the floor above, Amber and Krystal from California and Luna (another Korean, Sunyoung, but she's happy with the nickname), who spend time with them.

"And here I thought in college I might branch out from hanging out with all the Asians," Baekhyun jokes when they fill up a long table in the dining hall the night before classes start.

"No one's keeping you here," Amber tosses back, waving her hand to dismiss him. Everyone laughs, so Minseok does too.

Minseok hasn't gotten the hang of keeping up with lively conversation yet, but he doesn't have to in this large group. Baekhyun talks enough for both of them and then some, and Amber and Junmyeon easily keep pace with him. Jongdae can't quite keep up in English, but he tries. Minseok's heard him prattle on non-stop with Baekhyun in Korean, so he knows Jongdae's not quiet. Krystal and Luna join in often too, and Yixing observes more than talks but jumps in with good one liners. It's some comfort to Minseok that Han doesn't talk much either, though he does nod a lot and laugh enthusiastically at the appropriate times.

It's such a change from Minseok's experience at School, these noisy mealtimes, chatting over trays loaded with food. He's used to receiving his ration of food, porridge in the morning and a nutrient bar for lunch and dinner, and eating it quickly, surrounded by other Students also focused on getting needed sustenance. He's aware, of course, that ordinary people view food as a source of enjoyment and mealtimes as an opportunity for bonding with family and friends, but it's a foreign concept to him. So much of what his new friends take for granted is utterly foreign to him.

All the same, the food is pleasant, and Minseok takes advantage of the opportunity to observe other people his age and refine his behavior to match theirs. He keeps his ears open for any useful information from Junmyeon too, but he hasn't said a word about his father's company yet. He made one comment about being rich, but Baekhyun shoved him playfully and said, "Don't say things like that here. Americans don't like it," and he hasn't brought it up since. Minseok isn't concerned; this is a long-term assignment, and getting information from Junmyeon is a secondary objective to keeping other people from getting anything out of him. Thus far, Minseok is on track with his mission.

 

Minseok walks into his American literature class on Monday morning to see Junmyeon and Amber already sitting and talking. They all compared schedules before, so it's not a surprise to any of them that they're in the same class, but it's no coincidence that Minseok has this class, his freshman seminar, and an extra PE class with Junmyeon. He'd take every class with Junmyeon, so he could keep an eye on him at all times, if it wouldn't look suspicious. 

Since it would be suspicious, Minseok is also taking a Spanish class without any of his friends in it, and introductory chemistry with Han. He doesn't know if getting close to Junmyeon's roommate will be of any use to him, but it can't hurt to try. Besides, having a familiar face in class means that he doesn't have to try to make more friends or risk standing out for being antisocial.

"I'm so not a science person," Han whines as he slides into the seat next to Minseok, in the back near the doorway. "Please tell me you are so you can help me."

"Uh, sure." Minseok isn't thinking about helping Han with chemistry. He's thinking about how many people are in this large lecture room and whether any of them pose a threat to him, and about the fastest way out of the building. He's thinking about where Junmyeon is and who he's talking to, and what he can do to monitor Junmyeon's activity during the times they're not together. He's planning to track Junmyeon's phone as soon as he can, but he can't very well stare at the tracker all the time without getting caught.

"I'm kidding," Han says. "Mostly. I won't pester you."

He sounds uncomfortable, which tells Minseok that he's doing something wrong in his interaction. He turns his attention to Han and offers him a smile. "You're not pestering me. Maybe we can study together." That could be a good excuse to spend some time in Han and Junmyeon's room.

Han's smile assures Minseok that he responded correctly this time. "Sounds great!"

Unlike Han, Junmyeon seems confident in his abilities, but Minseok hopes that as the semester progresses, he'll find some excuses for them to work together. If nothing else, having classes together will give Minseok an opportunity to get closer to Junmyeon, and to observe him and gain a better understanding of him. He can also keep an eye out for threats, but thus far, none of the students in their classes seem suspicious. That doesn't mean that Minseok will let his guard down; any undercover agent worth their salt wouldn't be so obviously suspicious.

As for the classes themselves, they're of little concern to Minseok. His chemistry knowledge is advanced and his Spanish fluent, his English more than good enough to read and write about any literature. He doesn't know what a freshman seminar entails, but he has no doubt that he'll be able to do well in it. It's not important as long as he does well enough to stay in school and not call attention to himself. As with everything, blending in is what matters.

 

On Friday after the first week of classes, Minseok goes to his first American party—his first ever party, in fact, but he doesn't say that. "I hope you're ready to get wasted," Baekhyun tells him as they head out. "We're not old enough to drink in the U.S., but no one cares once you're in college."

Minseok's information suggests that's not entirely true, but he was told to expect partying to be a large part of his experience, so he's prepared for it. His alcohol tolerance is naturally high (a useful trait added to the second round of Students), and he spent the last six months building it up further. Unless he goes way overboard, he should be able to avoid getting drunk. That way, there's no risk of any slip ups.

They walk over with Junmyeon and Han and find the party already in full swing. As Baekhyun said, no one asks his age before they hand him a plastic cup of room temperature beer. Minseok takes a sip and finds himself unimpressed with the taste compared to the flavorless alcohol he consumed before, but he doesn't show it. Junmyeon does react, wrinkling his nose. "You have more expensive taste, huh?" Baekhyun teases. "Get used to it. This is college."

The party is noisy and crowded, and Minseok doesn't like it. It's impossible to keep track of everyone in a place like this, and there are masses of already drunk people between him and the exits. If something happens, he'll have a difficult time getting himself and Junmyeon out. He doesn't anticipate any particular threat, but he needs to be prepared if one arises. With his training, there's no such thing as letting his guard down.

He immediately finds himself getting dragged into a drinking game (by Baekhyun, of course). Beer pong is a simple game consisting of throwing a ping pong ball toward some cups of beer, then forcing your opponent to drink the contents of the cup the ball lands in. It's unhygienic and requires minimal skill, but Minseok imagines that it's more fun if you're actually getting drunk in the process. His friends seem to enjoy it, in any case.

It's interesting to observe the changes in his friends as they drink. Baekhyun gets louder, which Minseok wouldn't have thought was possible. Jongdae, who joins them halfway through the beer pong game, does too, and Minseok thinks his English actually gets better as he drinks. Han turns chatty, inhibitions forgotten, and Junmyeon starts giggling at anything and everything. Yixing, who seems to have a higher tolerance than the others, shares a wry smile with Minseok as Junmyeon falls into him, laughing at some stupid joke Baekhyun made.

Somewhere around Minseok's fifth cup of room temperature beer, an unfamiliar girl approaches him. He's at the edge of his group of friends, largely ignoring their conversation in favor of sizing up the crowd, so it's clear that she's coming to him specifically. It's also clear that she's drunk. She's unable to walk in a straight line, and when she speaks, her voice is excessively loud. "Hi!" she chirps, grinning hugely. "I'm Amy! What's your name?"

It's so direct, coming from a complete stranger, but that seems to be the way of things here. "I'm Minseok," he tells her. It's unlikely that this girl will be in any way useful to him, but the ordinary college student he's pretending to be would talk to a random pretty girl who approached him.

"Min-sock?" Her pronunciation is abysmal, but Minseok smiles politely at her. "That's a cute name! Where are you from?"

"Korea," Minseok tells her.

"Oh, cool!" He doesn't know why she's so excited about Korea. Maybe she's just excited about everything. "What year are you?"

"I'm a freshman."

"Oh, me too!" Another exclamation sentence. She keeps it up through asking Minseok what dorm he's in and what his major is and what classes he's taking, sounding enthusiastic about all of it.

The conversation only stops when Baekhyun practically flings himself onto Minseok's back, arms over his shoulders. (It's a good thing Minseok was paying attention because he came dangerously close to throwing Baekhyun right over his shoulder as it is.) "Minseokiiiiiie," Baekhyun drawls. "Who's this pretty girl?" He says it in Korean, which may or may not be intentional at this point.

"This is Amy," Minseok answers in English. "Amy, my roommate, Baek—uh, Bill."

"Hi there," Amy answers. Her exclamation marks have stopped abruptly. Minseok wonders what did it. "I'm going to get back to my friends." She gestures vaguely across the room. "It was nice to meet you, Minsock."

"Minsock," Baekhyun echoes once she's a few steps away. "Minsockie. Should I call you that?"

"Don't." Minseok doesn't snap, but Baekhyun must hear that he means business.

"Aw, fine, I'll just call you Minseok. Minseokie. Your name sounds so cute like that. Is it too soon to call you Minseokie? My Korean manners are rusty."

Baekhyun suddenly moves away from Minseok, and he turns around to see that Jongdae has rescued him, his arms staying around Baekhyun's chest like he thinks Baekhyun might fly at Minseok again. "C'mon," Jongdae slurs, no more sober than Baekhyun. "Let's go get some beer." That sounds like a bad idea, but Minseok's just glad to be free of Baekhyun clinging to him. He really doesn't like parties.

"Minsockie." That comes from a giggling Junmyeon. "You'd better hope Baekhyun is too drunk to remember that or you'll never hear the end of it."

"And what about you?" Han asks, elbowing Junmyeon harder than is really nice.

"Come on, guys, be nice to Minseok," Amber says. (It sounds a lot like "Minsock" from her too, but that's probably unintentional.) "It's not his fault Korean is impossible to pronounce."

"It's not _your_ fault..." Junmyeon trails off mid-joke, unable to think of a punch line, and everyone laughs, so Minseok does too. To his immense relief, the conversation turns to making fun of Junmyeon, leaving Minseok and his name alone. (Making fun of Junmyeon is already becoming a favorite pastime of their group. Minseok is glad his mission doesn't require him to protect Junmyeon from that.)

Besides keeping an eye on Junmyeon, Minseok has one piece of spy business to accomplish tonight: planting a miniscule tracker on Junmyeon's phone. He's prepared for it to be a challenge, but everyone is so drunk at this point that it's incredibly easy to lean against Junmyeon, pull his phone out of his back pocket, and put it into Minseok's without anyone noticing. As soon as it's done, Minseok extracts himself from the group, stumbling to the bathroom like he's as drunk as everyone else at this party. 

Once inside, he quickly removes the case from Junmyeon's phone and fixes the tracker to the side of the phone, where it blends in neatly. He puts the case back on, checks that there's no indication of any tampering, and returns the phone to his pocket before heading back out. He's ready to make a joke of it if Junmyeon has noticed his phone's absence, like he's playing a prank, but Junmyeon is oblivious, laughing with Yixing and Han. 

Minseok rejoins the group, and waits until attention has turned away from him and to some story about a dog Baekhyun is loudly telling before he slips the phone back into Junmyeon's pocket. He feels good about it for only a second or two before there's a thunk and he turns to see Junmyeon's phone on the floor. Junmyeon's so drunk he doesn't notice, so Minseok bends down to pick it up. "It fell," he explains when Junmyeon looks surprised.

To his relief, Junmyeon laughs. "Thanks. That happens to me all the time."

"That's what you get for wearing those skinny jeans," Baekhyun teases. "Haven't you noticed guys don't dress like that here?"

Minseok breathes an internal sigh of relief as Junmyeon shoves his phone into his pocket, none the wiser. Something as simple as bugging a phone is no more than he should be able to do with all his training, but it's the first real covert action he's taken on his first mission. He allows himself a moment of satisfaction, confidence swelling. He didn't doubt himself before, but now he feels with more conviction that he can do this.

"Having fun?" Yixing asks, startling Minseok out of his thoughts with a hand on his back.

"Yeah!" Minseok flashes Yixing a smile. He still doesn't think he'll ever like parties, but he is feeling pretty good, albeit for reasons that have nothing to do with having fun. 

It's very late by the time Minseok and his friends stagger back to their dorm. The laughter and loud conversation continue all the way home, and Minseok is relieved when they finally part ways so he only has to deal with Baekhyun. 

"Man, college is awesome," Baekhyun declares as he tumbles into bed fully clothed.

Minseok goes and brushes his teeth and changes into his pyjamas and when he gets back to the room, Baekhyun is curled up in bed. He's hoping Baekhyun has fallen asleep so he can have some peace, but as Minseok climbs into bed, he hears, "Goodnight, Minsockie."

Minseok rolls to face the wall and sighs himself to sleep.

 

Minseok is comfortable with routine, and he quickly develops one for his college life, to the extent that he can. He sets a time to go to sleep and a time to wake up. He doesn't need much sleep, so he gets up early every morning and goes to the gym to keep himself in good shape. After his workout, he eats roughly the same breakfast in the same dining hall, usually alone. For the rest of the day, he follows a pattern based around his class schedule and meals in the dining halls with his friends, setting aside consistent small blocks of time to do his homework and larger blocks of time to pretend to do his homework so it's not obvious how quickly he finishes it.

But despite Minseok's efforts to impose consistency on it, college life is enormously unpredictable compared to life at School. Sometimes his friends get caught up in conversation and stay in the dining hall long after they've finished eating, impinging on Minseok's homework time. Sometimes a friend will drop by Minseok and Baekhyun's room unannounced, and Baekhyun never hesitates to let them in or agree to go somewhere with them, dragging Minseok along regardless of his plans. Sometimes, someone wants to go out to dinner or have a movie marathon or play a prank on one of their hallmates, and routine or no routine, Minseok feel that he can say no.

Baekhyun is the worst offender, in large part simply because he's around Minseok the most, but also because he's Baekhyun. He talks and talks and asks questions like "How do you feel about turtles?" out of the blue, not noticing or caring if Minseok is listening. He uses headphones to listen to his Korean and American pop music but then loudly sings along with it. He noisily chomps his way through bags of chips and dusts the crumbs off his fingers onto the floor and throws his dirty laundry onto any convenient surface (except Minseok's bed, after the death glare Minseok gave him when he did that by accident). He's so messy and undisciplined and Minseok can neither understand it nor stand it.

For now, there seems to be nothing to do but put up with everything, from Baekhyun to noisy hallmates to wild parties. Minseok tells himself that he really can't complain. His mission could have him sleeping on the ground in some dangerous location, subsisting on next to nothing. College may have its inconveniences, especially with a roommate like Baekhyun, but Minseok's training has prepared him to face far worse situations. He can cope. He has to.

 

By the end of the second week of classes, Minseok comes to realize that parties are going to be an inescapable part of his weekend routine. He can't understand the appeal at all, but he has to go to keep an eye on Junmyeon, if nothing else. He tells himself it's a good opportunity to observe human behavior—drunken human behavior, at least—but that doesn't mean it's fun for him.

Right now, Junmyeon is caught up in a conversation with Krystal, his hand on her arm suggesting that it's more than a friendly conversation. Minseok keeps an eye on them but doesn't interfere. He can see Baekhyun and Jongdae across the room, flirting much less subtly with a group of girls. They're loud, laughing uproariously at their own jokes. It's hard to say from here, but Minseok doesn't think the girls look impressed.

"Those two think they're so smooth," Amber comments, but she seems to be trying to get in on the flirting too. She's standing very close to Han, smiling up at him. Han looks uncomfortable with the attention, but Minseok can't tell if it's because he's not interested or only because he's shy. Either way, Amber isn't deterred, continuing to invade Han's personal space as they talk. "Any bets on how long it takes for one of them to get punched at a party?" she asks.

"Jongdae's not that bad," Han protests.

"I notice you didn't mention Baekhyun." Yixing seems amused by the whole situation, his eyes darting between Jongdae and Baekhyun, Han and Amber, and Junmyeon and Krystal.

"There's no defending him," Amber puts in. "I don't know how you deal with him as a roommate." She glances over at Minseok without moving any farther from Han.

"Headphones," Minseok answers. It's the truth, so he's confused when the others laugh like he told a great joke.

Jongdae and Baekhyun don't get punched, but they do come back over once the group of girls moves away. "Rejected," Amber sing-songs.

"And how many people have _you_ managed to pick up tonight?" Baekhyun retorts, eyeing the way Amber's still standing so close to Han.

Amber gives him a look, then shrugs and turns to Han. "What do you say?" she asks bluntly.

Han's eyes go wide. "W-what?"

"I was trying to be a little more subtle, but hey, nothing wrong with the direct approach." It's obvious from Han's body language that this approach isn't working, but Amber doesn't seem to care. "I'm not saying you have to take me home tonight, but do I have a chance?"

"Um, well, I don't, you see..." Han takes a small step back, flustered.

"Hey, relax," Amber says, more gently. "I don't know how anyone could possibly reject me, but you're allowed to say no if you want to."

"I'm sorry, it's just...it's not you, but..."

"Are we doing the 'it's not you; it's me' rejection?" Amber's smiling, and Minseok sees no indication that she's only pretending to not be bothered.

"It _is_ me!" Han protests. "I mean—I don't like girls!" It comes out louder than he probably intends, catching Junmyeon and Krystal's attention too. Han winces and looks down.

"Oh, hey, it's cool." Amber pats him on the arm. "I can't argue with that. Sorry, I didn't mean to push you into coming out."

"It's fine," Han tells the floor.

"It's no big deal," Baekhyun assures him. "We don't care. Right?" He looks around at the rest of them for confirmation. 

Minseok joins in the chorus of agreement without thinking about it. He's aware, of course, that this must be difficult for Han, but something as trivial as his sexuality makes no difference to Minseok. It doesn't seem to matter to the rest of their friends either, so there's no need to make an issue of it.

It takes a few more drinks, but eventually Han relaxes. In the meantime, Junmyeon and Krystal step up their flirting with more touches and significant looks. That would be a convenient way to get close to Junmyeon, Minseok absently notes, if he could seduce him. Could it be that that's what Krystal is thinking? He's had no reason to suspect her thus far, but there's no telling how many people are after Junmyeon or how they're disguising themselves. Anyone who gets close to him is suspect.

Tonight, the flirting between Junmyeon and Krystal doesn't appear to go anywhere, but Minseok makes a note to keep a closer eye on Krystal and to ask Heechul to check her background more carefully than he already did. A good spy, like Minseok, will have a solid cover story, but it's worth looking for possible red flags, just in case. For now, Minseok will stay alert and see what happens. It feels a little strange, being suspicious of his friends, but he can't let himself forget: none of them are truly his friends, not when he's been lying to them from the beginning. The only thing that matters is his mission.

 

Minseok thinks he's doing well at appearing a reasonable level of competent in his classes until his seminar teacher calls him over after class midway through the third week of classes. "Something I find some international students have trouble with is adjusting to the style of American classes that have a lot of discussion," she says. "I imagine you're more used to lecture-style classes?" Minseok nods. "I understand if it takes some time to get used to, but for this class, it's important that you participate in discussions. I hope you'll try to speak up more."

"Yes, I will," Minseok says with feigned conviction. He doesn't care about the pointless discussions they have in this class and he has nothing to contribute, but if he wants to play his part convincingly, he has to try.

Junmyeon is waiting for him outside. (Yixing is in that class too, but he has to run to another class right after.) "What was that about?" he asks.

"She says I need to participate more," Minseok tells him.

Junmyeon grimaces sympathetically. "It's weird, isn't it, this type of class? Lucky for me I like to talk a lot." The appropriate reaction seems to be to laugh, so Minseok does, and Junmyeon looks pleased. "You'll get the hang of it." He gives Minseok a comforting pat on the back.

"I hope so." Minseok isn't interested in grades or whatever he's supposed to learn from a freshman seminar, but he cares about not standing out, so he'll have to figure this out.

"Why'd you decide to come to university here instead of Korea?" Junmyeon asks curiously.

"I thought it would be an interesting experience and give me more opportunities in the future," Minseok says, his carefully rehearsed cover story answer.

Junmyeon laughs. "That sounds like something you'd say in an admissions interview."

Minseok shrugs, hiding his concern that he's not being convincing. "It's the truth. I don't have any special reason. What about you?"

Junmyeon considers his answer for a moment. "To tell you the truth, it's partly to get away."

It's an unexpectedly honest answer to a casual question. Minseok quickly thinks about how he can take advantage of the opportunity to find out more about Junmyeon. "To get away from what?"

"My dad. Expectations. That kind of thing." When Minseok looks at him curiously, Junmyeon flashes him a sheepish smile. "More than you wanted to know, probably."

Minseok quickly shakes his head. "It's okay."

"I'm not saying I'm a poor little rich boy or anything," Junmyeon continues unprompted. "My family's not bad. It's just that when your dad is...like mine, it's hard to say that you want to study literature and become a teacher. I figured that if I was far away, I'd feel the pressure to do things my dad's way less." He glances at Minseok and smiles sheepishly again. "If nothing else, I'll have four years to experience new things before I have to go back and do what's expected of me. I'm enjoying it so far."

Minseok doesn't know what the appropriate response is in this situation, so he just nods and says, "Yeah."

Junmyeon laughs and pats Minseok on the back again; Minseok resists the impulse to jump away. "You're a good guy, Minseok. I'm glad we're friends."

 

That Thursday night, there's a knock on the door of Minseok and Baekhyun's room. Minseok is trying to finish a paper so he'll be free for the usual round of weekend fun, and Baekhyun is...Minseok doesn't know or care what he's doing, actually, but it involves pounding his keyboard emphatically and laughing from time to time. "Come in!" Baekhyun calls, louder than necessary given that the door is cracked open.

Han opens the door, looking sheepish, his backpack over one shoulder. "Hi. Do you guys mind if I hang out here for a while?"

"Sure. My bed is all yours." Baekhyun gestures toward his unmade bed with clothes that may or may not be clean scattered on top of it.

"Uh, thanks." Han approaches the bed warily, picking his way through the mess on Baekhyun's half of the floor (and trickling slightly over to Minseok's).

"You can sit on my bed if you want," Minseok offers, earning an extremely grateful look from Han.

"Just take your shoes off," Baekhyun cautions him, "or Minseok will make offended faces at you. He likes his bed to be clean."

"I don't like people on my bed either," Han says sympathetically. "Are you sure you don't mind?"

Minseok does, a little bit, but he doesn't want to deal with the awkwardness of saying so, so he shakes his head. "Go ahead."

"So, what brings you here?" Baekhyun asks once Han is settled.

"Oh, uh, Junmyeon asked me if I could go somewhere else for an hour or two. Krystal is coming over, and, well..."

Baekhyun cackles, pleased with the mockery potential of this information, but it takes Minseok a moment longer to understand. Are Junmyeon and Krystal at that point already? It's unexpected, but Minseok knows that Junmyeon is not as straitlaced as he appears, and this behavior isn't uncommon in American universities.

"Who would've thought Junmyeon would be the first out of us to get lucky? I mean, unless one of you already did and didn't tell me." 

Han turns red and shakes his head quickly, but Minseok shrugs. "I wouldn't tell you if I did."

Baekhyun brings a hand to his chest in a stabbing motion. "You wound me, roomie. Aren't we friends?"

"I wouldn't tell you either," Han says, recovering from his embarrassment enough to tease. "Not unless I wanted everyone to hear about it."

"You guys are no fun," Baekhyun whines. "Fine, I won't tell you about my future sexual conquests either."

"Good," Minseok says. He doesn't know why, because he wasn't trying to be funny, but it's satisfying when Han laughs.

 

Han gets kicked out of his room twice more in the next week. The first time, Baekhyun is there too, and he chatters away as always, making Han laugh a lot. The second time is in the afternoon when Baekhyun has class, so Minseok is alone when Han knocks on the door. 

"Hey." He looks more nervous than Minseok remembers him being before. "Mind if I invade again? They seem to be in the honeymoon period." He wrinkles his nose, transforming his pretty face into the kind of expression Baekhyun and the others laugh at him for.

"Sure, go ahead." Minseok gestures toward his bed, since Baekhyun's is a mess as usual.

"I'd say you're lucky to have a roommate who doesn't do this to you, but lucky is a strong word to use for living with Baekhyun. And I'm not sure it'll last."

"Yeah," Minseok agrees. Realizing that this might be a good opportunity to pump Han for information, he asks, "How is Junmyeon, aside from kicking you out?"

Han shrugs. "He's a nice guy," he says noncommittally.

Minseok raises an eyebrow at that. "That's the only good thing you can say?"

Han laughs, a little sheepish. "We get along great. He's just really messy. He seems pretty together, usually, so you wouldn't expect it, but then he throws his stuff all around the room. It's probably a fire hazard. There's a reason we never suggest hanging out in our room."

"It didn't look that bad." Minseok has seen Han and Junmyeon's room before, though only in passing when they were going to or coming back from somewhere.

"It wasn't at first, but it keeps getting worse. If you like things clean, you should probably stay away." Han makes another face, but then he shrugs. "But other than that, I like Junmyeon. I could do a lot worse."

They both have homework to do, so they turn their attention to that. Minseok gets through chemistry and Spanish quickly, but he also has a paper to write for his seminar class, which he still hasn't gotten the hang of. Facts he can handle, but opinion papers are a constant struggle. He has more important things to worry about than "cultural appreciation vs. cultural appropriation." He does his best to work on that for a while, but he's glad when he sees that it's time for dinner. 

He turns around to look at Han, but he's frowning at his econ textbook and doesn't notice that Minseok has stopped working. "Hey, Han." Now Han looks up, but Minseok is surprised to see his frown deepen. "What?"

"You'd think I would be by now, but I'm still not used to people calling me Han," he explains.

Minseok is surprised by the comment. He hadn't given Han's name any thought until now. "What do people usually call you?" 

"My full name, Lu Han. Or else a nickname from Lu. And even if people do call me Han, they don't say it 'Haaan.'" He adopts an exaggerated American accent, following it up with a grimace. "Maybe I should just give in and choose an English name. I don't know how you deal with everyone calling you 'Min-sock.'"

Minseok shrugs. He doesn't like it, but it's not worth being bothered by. "What do you want me to call you? Lu Han?" He doesn't realize until Lu Han does a doubletake that he forgot to mangle his Mandarin pronunciation, and he winces inwardly. What is he doing, forgetting such a simple thing?

Lu Han grins. "Your pronunciation is really good!"

"I'm a natural, I guess," Minseok says weakly. Lu Han doesn't seem to notice.

"Since you can say it so well, I'd like it if you could call me that." Lu Han is beaming and Minseok feels...strange. Lu Han being happy about this has nothing to do with Minseok's mission. It shouldn't matter to him. It doesn't matter to him, but he finds he doesn't have to remind himself to smile in response.

"All right, then, Lu Han. Do you want to take a break and go to dinner?"

Lu Han is still grinning as he closes his textbook with a resounding thud. "Sounds great. Let's go."


	2. Chapter 2

It's surprising to Minseok that even after some time to learn the ropes, he's still struggling in not just his seminar class but also American lit. Reading the books quickly and understanding them isn't a problem, though he's never read fiction before and can't say he sees the appeal. What gets him is the literary analysis, which is entirely new to him and not something he can learn by memorizing or applying his logical thinking skills. He also thinks it's ridiculous, which doesn't help, but he should be able to do it regardless.

Today in class, they're having small group discussions. He can see Junmyeon animatedly sharing his thoughts with his group, but Minseok has no idea how he has so much to say about the symbolism in the book they read.

In his own group, a girl named Leyla is giving her opinion on the subject. "I think the river is a metaphor for life and how it's always moving forward, so each time they stop at the river, it symbolizes a different stage of their lives where they've changed a little since the last time." She looks at Minseok and seems to expect a reaction, so he nods.

"I don't know," the other group member, Russell puts in. "I think the river represents the minds of the main characters, how they're unstable and shifting and maybe we can't trust that everything they believe is true."

"Hm, that's interesting," Leyla says. If Minseok is reading her tone correctly, she actually means that she doesn't agree. She turns to Minseok and asks, "What do you think?"

Caught off guard, Minseok fumbles for an answer. He knows what metaphors and symbols are in theory, but he doesn't get it at all. If the author wanted the river to represent something, why wouldn't she say so? "Maybe it's just a river?" he offers.

His classmates look at him blankly for a few seconds before they both laugh. "Maybe you're right," Russell says. "Sometimes a river is just a river and we're reading too much into it."

"Right?" Minseok says, relieved to have gotten away with that answer.

After class, when Minseok walks to the dining hall with Junmyeon and Amber, Junmyeon says, "That was fun, don't you think? My group had a really great discussion."

Minseok shrugs. "I don't know about symbolism. It seems like trying to see things that aren't there. Why can't a river just be a river?"

Junmyeon eyes him skeptically, amused, and Amber asks, "Are you sure you want to be an English major? It's not too late to change to math or something more logical."

Math would be much easier for Minseok, but it wouldn't be with Junmyeon, so he shakes his head. "I'll stick with English." He needs to be there, so he'll just have to figure out this whole symbolism thing, stupid as it is. He sighs internally; and here he thought college classes would be so easy for him.

 

Minseok may be struggling with English, but at least he's doing better than Junmyeon is in their PE class. Junmyeon signed up for kickbox aerobics because, as he told Minseok the first day, "It sounded cool," but he hadn't realized that it was less martial arts and more like dancing that happens to involve a lot of kicking and punching.

For Minseok, it's easy. He's in excellent physical shape and he's been trained in a variety of martial arts. He never had any particular training in dance, but he has good rhythm and his teacher says he's a natural. Junmyeon, on the other hand, is not a natural. He's okay with the kicking and punching when they're only practicing that, but once the music starts, he's lost, stiff and flailing as he tries to do the right moves at the right time.

"I swear I'm not this bad at sports," Junmyeon mutters as they walk back to the dorm after tonight's class, in which he lost his balance on a too-high kick and nearly fell over, only saving himself by flailing his arms around. "But there's a reason I took singing lessons as a kid, not dance. And then you're so good at it that I look even worse by comparison." He's grumbling, but he smiles to show he doesn't mean it.

"I guess you've learned your lesson about kickbox aerobics," Minseok says, and Junmyeon laughs.

"I sure have."

Junmyeon and Minseok aren't the only ones with troubles. Baekhyun is taking calculus, and he's forever grumbling about how hard it is. Minseok's glad he told his roommate he doesn't know calculus so he doesn't get roped into helping him. It's bad enough having to listen to Baekhyun constantly whining about how math is stupid and why did he ever think taking calculus was a good idea?

Lu Han is also having a hard time in his chemistry class with Minseok. As he told Minseok on the first day, he's not a science person. He did okay at the beginning, but he's floundering as they delve into more difficult areas of chemistry, and at the end of the class before their next test, he turns to Minseok with a mournful expression and asks, "Do you want to study together?"

Minseok doesn't want to study together, because he doesn't need to study at all and it'll be a pain to have to explain things to Lu Han without sounding as knowledgeable as he actually is. On the other hand, if they study in Lu Han's room, maybe Junmyeon will be there, and Minseok will have a good excuse to be around him. That's worth the effort and the relatively small risk. "Sure," he says, noting the relief that washes over Lu Han's face at his answer. "Can we study in your room? Baekhyun will talk to us even if we say we need to study."

"Yeah, as long as you can handle Junmyeon's mess," Lu Han says dryly.

Minseok has lab that afternoon, so they agree to meet when he gets out. When Minseok gets to Lu Han's room, he's hoping Junmyeon will be there, but instead he finds Yixing sitting at Lu Han's desk. They're chatting in Mandarin, which Minseok isn't supposed to understand, so he keeps his expression blank even as he wonders why Yixing is teasing Lu Han about "not having too much fun."

"Hey," Lu Han says. It comes out in Chinese and he blinks and makes a sheepish face before repeating the greeting in English. "How was lab?"

"Fine. Same as usual." Minseok looks around the room, and he sees that Lu Han wasn't kidding about Junmyeon's escalating mess. He has to carefully pick his way across the room, stepping over clothes and papers and even some discarded snack wrappers. It almost makes him appreciate Baekhyun's relative neatness.

"Sorry about...this." Lu Han gestures at the room. "You can sit over here where it's safe."

Minseok sits on Lu Han's bed. (He briefly remembers that Lu Han said he doesn't like people on his bed, but if he cares now, he doesn't say so.) "Did I interrupt anything?" he asks. It's probably not important, but he's curious what Lu Han and Yixing were discussing.

Lu Han shakes his head a little too emphatically. "We were just talking."

"Yes, just talking," Yixing confirms, but then he switches into Chinese long enough to tell Lu Han, "You're cute." Minseok gives him a confused look and he laughs. "Nothing important," he explains. "I'll see you guys at dinner." He gets to his feet, hops quite nimbly across the room, and leaves.

"Sorry. He's just being a brat," Lu Han grumbles.

Minseok wonders what that's about, but he doubts it's worth the effort of prying it out of Lu Han. Instead, he turns the talk to chemistry, and they study diligently for half an hour, working through the study guide their professor provided. "How are you so good at this?" Lu Han whines. "Also, why aren't you a chem major? Junmyeon says you suck at English." After a beat, he amends, "Uh, I mean, you don't _suck_ , but he did say you were having some trouble with it..."

"Maybe I will be a chem major in the end, but I wanted to try some different things first," Minseok lies. "It's not like people can't get better at things they suck at."

"Are you talking about me?" Lu Han looks half pouty and half hopeful. Minseok's still trying to figure out the right answer to that when Lu Han laughs and smacks him on the shoulder, none too lightly. (Minseok has to remind himself that it's not an attack so he doesn't hit Lu Han back.) "I'm kidding. But I'm sure we can both get better, right?"

Minseok nods and hopes that Lu Han is right, for both their sakes.

 

That Friday night, Baekhyun's shameless flirting finally gets him somewhere. He finds Minseok where he's talking to Amber and Luna (or more accurately listening to them talk and pretending to be interested), a petite blonde trailing after him. "Hey, Minseok," Baekhyun says, only nodding a greeting to the girls. "This is May."

"Hello," Minseok says, confused. "Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you," the girl echoes, also giving Baekhyun a funny look.

"May's going to come hang out in our room, so can you not come home until later?" 

Now Minseok finally gets it. He's only surprised that it took Baekhyun this long to kick him out for sex. "All right. Have fun." He waves Baekhyun off without ceremony.

"You're way nicer to him than he deserves," Luna comments. Minseok shrugs but privately agrees. It's just that it's easier to let Baekhyun do what he wants than to argue with him.

It's late and the party is slowly starting to wind down, which unfortunately means that it's not more than half an hour before the rest of Minseok's friends are ready to leave. "Do you want to come back with us?" Lu Han offers.

Minseok looks over at Junmyeon walking with Krystal. "Is your room safe?"

"Yeah, Krystal said she was going to her room. She has a headache or something." Lu Han laughs a little, and Minseok pretends he gets the joke and does too.

"Then yeah, thanks."

"Just returning the favor," Lu Han says with a wry smile.

In the dorm, Junmyeon flops onto his bed, narrowly missing his laptop. Lu Han sits on his bed, and Minseok takes his desk chair, kicking a shirt that's probably Junmyeon's out of the way. "How long are you going to give Baekhyun?" Junmyeon asks.

"Half an hour?" Minseok says. 

"You're generous. I bet you he's done already." Junmyeon grins, and Lu Han barks out a laugh.

Minseok smiles. "Sorry to keep you up. I just don't want to walk in on anything." He wouldn't particularly care, but he suspects Baekhyun and May wouldn't appreciate it. 

"Who needs sleep anyway?" Lu Han says cheerfully.

"That's right," Junmyeon agrees, but then he looks at his phone and suddenly curses in Korean. "I forgot I'm supposed to call my dad in the morning. He's going on some business trip for two weeks and he wants a full report of how I'm doing in my classes before he leaves."

"That sounds...intimidating," Lu Han says.

"You'd think I'm old enough now for him not to keep tabs on me like that, but no," Junmyeon grumbles. "He has to make sure I'm still 'on track,' when he actually remembers."

Lu Han glances over at Minseok with an awkward grimace. Minseok tries to match his expression, but on the inside, he's thinking that this is a good opportunity, if he can figure out how to get more information out of Junmyeon. "Does he travel a lot?" he asks.

It's not the smoothest transition, but Junmyeon doesn't seem to notice. "He used to when I was younger. Now that he's made a name for himself, he only has to travel for important stuff. I guess, anyway. All he tells me is stuff like, 'It's a favor for an old friend.' I don't know what's so important that he has to go to Berlin for two weeks."

"Berlin?" Lu Han perks up. At Junmyeon's questioning look, he explains, "Oh, uh, for football—I mean, soccer, I...nevermind. It's not important."

That's not important to Minseok, but he does make a mental note to inform Heechul of the business trip and to see if there's any significance to the old friend or the favor Junmyeon's dad mentioned. It's not much, but it's the first concrete intelligence he's had to report. "I've never been to Berlin," he comments, trying to continue the conversation. "Or anywhere in Europe. Do you ever travel with your dad?"

Junmyeon shakes his head. "Rarely. I'd get in the way as a little kid, and later on, I was too busy with school." Minseok would like to ply Junmyeon for more information, but before he can say anything, Junmyeon continues, "I don't mind if you guys keep talking, but I need to sleep or I won't be able to get up. Don't worry, Han, I won't call from here."

"Thanks," Lu Han tells him.

Junmyeon goes to the bathroom, leaving Lu Han and Minseok alone. "It's weird, the way he talks about his dad," Lu Han comments, glancing at the door. "My dad's kind of like his, I think, big CEO type who's always working, but he's not so strict. There's still pressure, you know, but he says the most important thing is that I'm happy. I don't think Junmyeon's dad would say that."

Minseok nods, hoping Lu Han will continue. He's not necessarily revealing intel worth passing on, but it's more insight into Junmyeon's character and his relationship with his father than Minseok has so far. It's surprising—Minseok wouldn't expect Lu Han to talk or even think about this so much—but maybe there's more going on in his head than Minseok realizes, just waiting for a moment when he's comfortable sharing it (which is to say, apparently, after drinking).

Lu Han shrugs, his smile tinged with sadness. "Junmyeon's so stubborn, coming out here and choosing a major his dad would never approve of. You'd expect him not to care what his dad thinks anymore, but he obviously does. He cares about him, even. People are funny, aren't they?"

"Yeah," Minseok agrees. It's an interesting observation, but he can't relate. Not only does he not have a father like Junmyeon, but he doesn't have a father at all, or a mother or siblings. He has no idea what that's like, or what it's like to care about anyone. It doesn't bother him, because it's all he's ever known, but it makes him think that no amount of studying at School was enough to understand human relationships; he'll have to learn from experience and observation now that he's out in the world with normal people.

Lu Han seems about to say something else, but then Junmyeon comes back into the room. "Don't mind me," he says. "I'll fall asleep no problem. Goodnight."

Lu Han and Minseok say goodnight, and then Lu Han asks, more quietly, "What's your family like, Minseok? You don't talk about them much."

Minseok has his carefully memorized cover story, but that includes him being not terribly close to his family so that it makes sense for him to not call them regularly or talk about them often. "They're normal, I guess. My dad's not a fancy CEO, if that's what you mean."

Lu Han laughs, then catches himself and goes quiet. "I don't mean that. You just haven't said much about them and I wondered. You have a sister, right?"

"Yeah," Minseok lies. "She's two years younger than me."

"Do you get along with her?"

"Not really," Minseok says, with a hint of wryness. "It's better when we're away from each other, I think. She gets on my nerves in person."

Lu Han smiles. "She can't be worse than Baekhyun." Minseok shrugs, conceding the point. "I just can't picture what your life in Korea was like," Lu Han continues. "Everyone else tells stories, but you're so quiet."

He doesn't seem suspicious, which is good, but Minseok wonders how long he'll be able to get away with being quiet while his friends talk about their lives before college. He has stories to tell—all lies, of course—but he's not going to go out of his way to share them if it's not necessary. "I'm not good at telling stories," he says. "And I'm not sure I have any good ones to tell. Maybe I'm just boring."

Lu Han shakes his head, smiling. "I don't think you're boring." He eyes Minseok thoughtfully for a few seconds, the smile lingering on his face, before he abruptly looks away. "Anyway, it's fine, you know, if you don't want to talk more about yourself. I'll just have to imagine what your life was like before college."

_You couldn't possibly imagine,_ Minseok thinks, but he only says, "Sounds good. And maybe someday you'll find out if you were right."

 

Minseok meets with Heechul every other weekend, on Sunday morning when everyone else is sleeping off a weekend of partying before tackling their homework. In person meetings are more secure than any other form of communication, and it makes sense for him to regularly visit a local relative. Minseok has other ways to contact Heechul in case of emergency, but these meetings give him an opportunity to report on his situation and any information he gathers. They also allow him to get advice from Heechul and orders from on high about what he should be doing.

Heechul is, in many ways, not so different from the trainers at School. He's older than Minseok, but not by much. He's a product of the same training as Minseok, and Students haven't been around for long. Minseok assumes Heechul is part of the first generation, but that's not the kind of question he feels he can ask his handler. They're here to talk about Minseok's (and by association Heechul's) mission, not about themselves or other irrelevant topics.

At the same time, Heechul isn't exactly like Minseok's trainers. Maybe it's because, with Minseok's training complete, there's no need to mold his behavior. Heechul doesn't treat Minseok like an equal, but he's less strict with him, unconcerned with formality, and more willing to listen to Minseok's opinions. "You're the one there every day, seeing everything," he tells Minseok at their third meeting after the start of the semester. "You have to trust your skills and your instincts, and as your handler, I have to trust them too."

It makes Minseok feel good to hear that Heechul trusts him. He has an important mission now, and he's determined to prove himself worthy. He was created for this work; failure is not an option. He's doing well so far, so there's no reason to think about failure, but he's not going to take anything for granted.

He relays the information about Junmyeon's father's business trip, and Heechul nods approvingly. "I'll look into it. Do you think Junmyeon's telling the truth that he doesn't know any details about his father's work?"

"I don't see why he would lie to me." Minseok thinks back to the conversation. "He'd been drinking too, so I doubt he was holding back. If the company is indeed involved in the black market, I don't think he's aware of it." He wonders how Junmyeon would feel if he found out. Would he still care what his father thinks of him?

"He may know something without realizing the significance of it, so keep finding out whatever you can," Heechul says. "Whether or not you learn anything beyond what our investigation has found, it's important for us to know what he could give away to other agents."

"Of course."

Heechul doesn't say anything else for a while, and Minseok wonders if it's time for him to leave, but Heechul is studying him thoughtfully, like he's looking for something. "And how are you doing?" he asks at last. Minseok is startled by the seemingly casual question, but of course it's not casual. "It's been over a month, and you've had time to adjust to the situation. Are you fitting in well?"

"Yes," Minseok says, with somewhat more conviction than he feels. "I'm still learning, but I haven't had any issues."

"Good," Heechul says. "It's important to keep learning and refining your behavior. What you learn about human behavior here will serve you well for future missions too."

Minseok has been so focused on what he's doing here that he hasn't thought about future missions at all. It's a little jarring to be reminded that his current situation is only temporary, but of course all missions are. He might be here for another month or for years, but it won't last forever. He'd do well not to let himself get comfortable.

"All right, then," Heechul says, waving Minseok off. "Get back to school."

 

In the dining hall over lunch one day, while procrastinating on going to do their homework, Junmyeon, Lu Han and Baekhyun get into a discussion about the differences between high school in Korea, China and the U.S. Minseok mostly listens quietly, as his friends are used to him doing by now, and pretends that he's not taking mental notes on the conversation. He's learned about Korean high schools, of course, but reading and watching videos isn't the same as actually experiencing it. He knows a little about American and Chinese high schools too, but much less, so it's interesting to hear what the others have to say about them.

"I wasn't sorry to miss out on high school uniforms, I have to say," Baekhyun comments when Junmyeon mentions them. "I mean, I'm all for girls in skirts, but I'm also for being comfortable."

"You could just wear anything to school?" Lu Han asks.

"We had a 'dress code,'" Baekhyun says, complete with air quotes. While he explains what that is, Minseok thinks about how he dressed at School, the same nondescript slate grey clothes, designed for comfort and ease of movement, as everyone else, day in and day out. The clothes he wears now, which were also chosen for him, are simple enough, jeans and t-shirts and shorts and sweatshirts mostly in solid colors, but it's still an almost overwhelming variety in comparison. What would his friends think, he wonders, if they had to dress like Students every day?

Junmyeon brings up dating next, saying, "People at my high school didn't date a lot because we were all so overloaded with studying and activities, but it did happen." He smirks in a way that suggests it did happen to him.

"Man, there was so much dating and drama at my school," Baekhyun puts in, laughing. He starts telling stories, and Minseok's mind wanders again. There was no dating at School, or anything of the kind. Female Students slept and ate and did the majority of their training in a separate facility. They came together regularly for joint training exercises, but those were all business. Students learned early to master their minds and bodies; by the time they were old enough for dating, they were too disciplined to even think about it.

The conversation moves on and Lu Han tells about how he would stay in a school dorm during the week in high school and only see his parents on weekends. Baekhyun asks, "Didn't you miss your parents?"

Lu Han shrugs. "Some people did, but I didn't mind too much. I still got to see my parents regularly, and it was fun to spend the time with my friends."

And that, Minseok thinks, might be the biggest difference of all between his experience and that of an ordinary high school students. Minseok can list the names of every Student his time at School overlapped with. For those in his cohort, his age and a year older or younger than him, he knows all their strengths, their few weaknesses, and their special areas of knowledge. They lived and trained together as far back as he can remember, but that doesn't make them friends.

When it comes down to it, Minseok's School, unlike Lu Han and Baekhyun and Junmyeon's schools, was never about friendship, or even really about learning. It was about preparing him for what he's doing now, preparing all the Students to be secret weapons of the Korean government. There's no comparison to his friends' experiences. Like growing up with a family, being a normal high school student in any country is something Minseok will never be able to truly understand.

"What about you, Minseok?" Baekhyun asks, cutting into Minseok's thoughts. "Did you go to a fancy private school like Junmyeon?"

"Do I look like the fancy private school type?" Minseok asks. He's satisfied when that gets him a laugh from the others. "I went to a normal high school, but it wasn't that different, just more relaxed, and..."

"Less rich?" Baekhyun supplies.

"Yes, that." Minseok considers, fleetingly, what reaction he'd get if he said something true, like 'But we did have classes in sixteen languages and special training in field medicine.' Would they think it a hilarious joke? Probably, because Minseok's experience is beyond incomprehensible to them, so extreme that they wouldn't even imagine it could be true. Thinking about that makes Minseok feel...not sad, really, but distant. He wonders if he'll ever stop feeling this distance between himself and normal people. It's possible, but he suspects that that's just part of what it means to be what he is. He's never been normal, and he never will be.

 

Another weekend, another party. It's strange to Minseok that his friends don't get bored of it, but the drinking probably helps. Besides, there's not much else to do here. They're a long way from the center of town, too far to get without a car, and even if they go there, a little town like this has no nightlife to speak of. People who aren't into partying must have some other ways of keeping themselves occupied, but Minseok's group of friends doesn't seem interested in that so far.

Tonight's party is much the same as the others Minseok's been to. Junmyeon and Krystal are all over each other, forcing Minseok to keep watch from a socially acceptable distance. Luna's here tonight, and she and Amber are chatting with Yixing on the opposite side of the touchy couple. Minseok was talking to Baekhyun, Jongdae and Lu Han, but Lu Han went to get another drink and never came back. If it was Junmyeon, Minseok would be worried, but Lu Han isn't his responsibility, and he's not likely to be in danger anyway.

Minseok is half listening to Baekhyun and Jongdae chattering about whatever nonsense they talk about when they drink when suddenly Baekhyun breaks off mid-sentence to say, "Whoa, is that Han?"

"Where?" Jongdae asks.

Baekhyun points across the room, and Minseok is curious enough (and unconcerned enough about Junmyeon's well being, since he's clearly not going anywhere or talking to any strangers right now) to look over and see what's happening. It takes him a moment to spot Lu Han due to his current position pinned against the wall by a guy Minseok doesn't recognize. They're kissing, quite intensely, Lu Han's hands clutching the sides of the guy's shirt, and the guy's hands messing up Lu Han's hair, their bodies pressed tightly together.

"Damn, look at him go," Baekhyun comments. "I didn't know he had it in him."

"Jealous, are you?" Jongdae teases. "I can see why. He's a good-looking guy."

"Are we talking about Han or the other dude?" Baekhyun doesn't seem to mind Jongdae's teasing, although as far as Minseok knows, he's not interested in Han, or in men in general.

"Han. I can't judge the other guy if I can't see his face, which I can't with Han sucking it."

"Ooh, I didn't know you were interested," Baekhyun trills.

Baekhyun and Jongdae continue their teasing, but Minseok tunes them out, mind wandering as he watches Lu Han. It's interesting because he's never seen two guys kiss before, and he's never seen Lu Han kiss anyone. Lu Han's not innocent—Minseok's heard him curse up a storm, and he laughs at every dirty joke—but there's still a certain childishness to him that makes it seem like he is. Beyond that, he's gawky, awkward around strangers and even friends, so it's strange to see him so comfortably in someone's personal space, touching and kissing like it's no big deal. It's a new side of him to Minseok, a sign that he needs to reevaluate his conception of Lu Han.

"Is there something you'd like to share with the class?" Baekhyun's voice suddenly cuts into his thoughts. When Minseok looks at him in confusion, he explains, "You were staring. Are _you_ into Han?"

"No, no, I was just..." Minseok hunts for a good excuse. "I was just spacing out. You guys were boring." He's still trying to learn this insulting banter thing, but he must be doing okay since Jongdae and Baekhyun both laugh.

Minseok turns his attention away from Lu Han to see that Junmyeon and Krystal have stopped kissing, but only long enough to say their goodbyes. He's not thrilled about letting Junmyeon leave while he stays here, but there's nothing he can do; there's no way to follow them back to the dorm without it looking weird, and he couldn't go into the room with them anyway. He'll have to trust that if Krystal was going to do something to Junmyeon, she would have done it by now, since she's had him alone enough times. 

Not long after those two leave, Baekhyun and Jongdae head off to do some of their usual flirting. They offer to take Minseok with them, but he refuses, as he always does. He's about to join the rest of their friends, who are still talking together, when a guy comes up to him, calling out a "Hey!" as he approaches.

"Hey," Minseok responds cautiously. This guy is acting like he knows him, but Minseok has never met him; his memory is too good for him to have forgotten it.

"Did you get ditched by your friends?" the guy asks. "Me too."

"Yeah." Minseok still doesn't know what to make of this overly friendly guy. He's standing quite close to Minseok, and grinning. He's probably just drunk, which means that Minseok is wasting his time trying to make sense of him; drunk people never make sense.

"I'm Jake, by the way." The guy, Jake, holds out a hand for Minseok to shake. He doesn't have a drink with him now, but the stickiness of his hand tells Minseok that there was one there before.

"Minseok." He should probably think about using his English name, but somehow he never does. It's not as if it matters when he's not likely to ever talk to this guy again.

"Cool," Jake says, thankfully not making an attempt to say Minseok's name. "So why are you hanging out alone over here when there are so many pretty girls around?" He studies Minseok as he says it, like he's looking for something, but Minseok has no idea what. There's still so much he doesn't understand about the interactions of college students.

He shrugs so he doesn't have to figure out the right way to answer. Jake doesn't seem to mind. "That's cool," he says.

They talk for a while, the usual generic first meeting conversation. Minseok has done this enough times by now to know the expected responses, and to feign enthusiasm about the right things. It doesn't really matter what this random guy thinks of him, but it's easier to play along than to get rid of him. He's fine, anyway, just very friendly.

After just over ten minutes, Minseok senses someone coming up behind him. He braces himself for a Baekhyun attack, but instead it's Lu Han who slurs, "Hey, what's up?"

Minseok turns away from his conversation to face Lu Han, surprised to see him. "I was expecting you to be gone by now."

"Why would I—oh. You saw." Lu Han's cheeks are already pink—it's warm in here—but Minseok thinks he's embarrassed. "That was just...it wasn't anything like that."

It sure looked like that to Minseok, but there's no reason to push if Lu Han doesn't want to talk about it. Belatedly, he remembers that he's not alone, and he turns to find Jake looking at him with a slightly furrowed brow, like he's seeing something he doesn't like. "Friend of yours?" he asks.

"Yeah, uh, this is Han."

Jake nods and doesn't introduce himself. "Nice meeting you guys," he says instead. "See you around." Minseok watches him go, bemused by the sudden shift in his behavior, but he shrugs it off as unimportant. 

"Who's he?" Lu Han asks, wearing an expression strangely like Jake's just now; Minseok doesn't understand it any better on him.

"Just some guy who started talking to me. Want to get out of here?" He's tired of the noise, and he doesn't need to stay here if Junmyeon's gone.

"Sure." For some reason, Lu Han seems pleased, but like so many things that aren't related to Minseok's mission, that's not important either.


	3. Chapter 3

It's time for midterms, and it's a bit of a shock to Minseok to realize that it's approaching two months since he arrived on campus. It feels both like ages and like no time at all since he walked into the dorm with his bags, ready to start a life different from anything he'd ever known. For all his preparation, he had no idea what he was getting into, in retrospect. He's still learning, and still being surprised sometimes, but he's gotten better, he thinks, at blending in and knowing what to expect from people.

He's gotten better in his problem classes too, it seems. His logical mind still rebels against the vagueness of English papers and opinion-based discussions, but he feels like he's getting the hang of it. It remains to be seen what his American lit and seminar professors think about his midterm assignments, but he finds them much easier to churn out than he did at the beginning of the semester.

Minseok's chem midterm is on Thursday, so he agrees to study with Lu Han after dinner on Wednesday. He's hoping Junmyeon will be there too, but as soon as Minseok arrives, he says he's going to the library to work on a paper. "Do you want some company?" Minseok asks. At Lu Han's puzzled look, he explains, "We could study in the library this time."

"Nah, I'll be wandering around the stacks anyway," Junmyeon says. "You can have the room to yourselves and study without me getting in your way." He winks like he thinks they're going to get up to some mischief with him gone, then immediately laughs it off.

After Junmyeon leaves, they get right to studying. Lu Han normally tries to procrastinate with conversation, so it's a sign of how worried he is about their test that he's willing to focus immediately. They go over some topics, which mostly consists of Minseok explaining things to Lu Han while trying not to sound like he knows much more advanced chemistry than what they've learned in this class. That's how things usually go when they study together, and Lu Han doesn't seem to find it suspicious, too relieved to have help when he struggles.

They're working on practice problems from their study guide individually when Lu Han suddenly asks, "Hey, Minseok?

Minseok looks up from pretending he hasn't already finished calculating the percent yield for every problem. "Do you need help?"

"No. Well, maybe." Lu Han grimaces. "But I need a break first." Minseok doesn't argue, just puts down his calculator immediately; he's not the one who needs to study. "I was wondering...it's kind of random, but...what do people in Korea think about being gay?"

It's very random, and Minseok wonders what made Lu Han think about it now. He does have a lot of Korean friends, granted, but they all told him already that they don't care where his interests lie. Minseok is curious, but he decides against asking. "It depends on the person," he says instead. "Some people are very against it, but not everyone." (Minseok only knows this from reading articles on the subject. Nobody expressed opinions about anything in School, let alone about being gay.)

Lu Han doesn't appear satisfied with his answer, but he nods. "I see." He hesitates, but finally continues, "What do you think?"

"Like I said before, it doesn't bother me." Minseok smiles, hoping it'll make his words more convincing.

There's still something Lu Han wants to say; Minseok doesn't have to be a highly observant spy to see that. He frowns slightly, twirling his pencil as a distraction, before he finally concludes, "Okay. I was just wondering." He smacks his pencil down onto his book loudly enough to startle Minseok. "Back to chemistry. Did you get number three? I think I'm doing something wrong..."

They spend another hour studying (or pretending to study) without any additional distractions, and Minseok only remembers the conversation when he leaves to return to his room. They say their goodbyes, and just before the door closes behind him, Minseok hears Lu Han mutter, "Coward" in Mandarin. He stops for a moment, wondering what it is Lu Han was too cowardly to say or do, but then he shrugs it off. If it's important, he'll find out eventually. If not, that's Lu Han's problem.

 

Minseok's first American holiday—his first ever holiday, in fact, since they didn't celebrate any at School—is Halloween. He's read about Halloween, so he's aware that college students tend to use the holiday as an excuse to get even more drunk than usual while wearing silly or sexy costumes. He's a little curious to see it for himself, but also wary, considering that even normal parties are too much for him.

Halloween is actually on a Wednesday, and Minseok sees some people dressed up during the day, but the real action is on the weekend, when they can party with abandon. To prepare for that, Minseok is powering through his homework on Thursday, speed reading an article for seminar, but Baekhyun is already in weekend mode, singing along with the music on his headphones (some kpop song or another). Minseok's not terribly surprised when Baekhyun suddenly stops singing and asks, "Have you picked a Halloween costume yet?"

Minseok gave it some thought, but there's nothing he could find in his closet that would make a good costume and he doesn't want to waste money on one. He was hoping inspiration would strike before tomorrow night. "Not yet," he says. "What about you?"

"It's a secret." Baekhyun looks suspiciously shifty eyed, making Minseok wonder what he has planned. "We should find you something!" Baekhyun unplugs his headphones so the music he's listening to (a girl group, it turns out) plays out of the speakers, and hops up from his desk chair. He comes over to stand by Minseok, studying him thoughtfully while still bouncing to the music. "Hm, how do you feel about Detective Conan?"

"Who?" Minseok asks, wondering a second too late if it was a mistake to admit his ignorance.

"You don't know Detective Conan?" Baekhyun asks, exaggeratedly horrified. "I need to educate you." Before Minseok can determine the correct response, he continues, "How about Tarzan? You're kind of small, but I think you could pull it off, and girls would love those sexy muscles."

Minseok doesn't know who Tarzan is either, but he pretends. "I don't need to show my muscles."

"You're no fun," Baekhyun whines, but judging from his smile, he's having plenty of fun. "You could be a vampire? Still sexy, but you can wear a shirt. Call yourself Dracula."

Minseok does know what a vampire is, though he doesn't understand how they're sexy. "Maybe," he says without much enthusiasm, wondering what the simplest costume he can get away with wearing would be.

"Oh, come on, work with me here. You don't want to be lame and just go in a toga or something. Even if that would be sexy. How about superheroes? You could do the brooding thing like Batman. Iron Man? Thor? Your hair's all wrong for him, but you could wear the cape and carry around a hammer."

Minseok is lost with the rapid fire pop culture references, so he just keeps a skeptical look on his face and doesn't comment. "Do you own any flannel shirts?" Baekhyun continues, undaunted. "You could be a lumberjack, all strong and manly. I bet you we could scrounge up a decent pirate outfit too. You can show just a little sexy chest with that one." He winks at Minseok. "What do you say?"

It's looking like Baekhyun won't stop until Minseok makes him, so he says, "I just want something simple."

"You're so boring," Baekhyun grumbles. "Can't you even try?" He goes over to the closet and opens it, looking inside just as his music switches to a new song. Baekhyun hums for a few seconds, swaying back and forth, before he starts singing along with gusto and dancing in front of the mirror on the closet door. He's done as much before, but never for long. This time, he doesn't stop, turning around to grin at Minseok before continuing on, before spinning around to sing "I got a boy" at the mirror.

Minseok watches, bemused. Admittedly, he's not an expert on normal college student behavior, but he feels confident saying that Baekhyun is weird, and unabashedly so. He clearly doesn't care what Minseok thinks of him, or else he's so confident Minseok likes him that he's not worried about his behavior in front of him. Minseok suspects the second. He doesn't understand why Baekhyun thinks that, given how Minseok behaves toward him, but maybe he's come off as nicer than he thinks. He does have to admit that he's gotten used to Baekhyun's weird behavior, and maybe he doesn't mind it as much as he did before.

Baekhyun sings and dances through the entire song before ending with a flourish, facing Minseok. The song changes (to a boy group this time), and Minseok wonders if Baekhyun's going to continue, but he just drops his arms and grins at Minseok.

"Are you planning to dress up as a kpop idol?" Minseok asks. "A female idol?" Baekhyun laughs and doesn't disagree. "How do you know all the dance moves anyway?"

Baekhyun laughs again, but it's his more awkward laugh. "I don't know how you've led such a deprived life. I need to educate you about the wonders of kpop too. Then you'll understand." He doesn't give Minseok a chance to respond, continuing too loudly, "Oh, I have something if you want a lazy costume!" He goes to one of the drawers under his bed and digs around inside for a while. "Aha!" He stands up, brandishing something black. 

It's a headband, Minseok realizes when he gets a better look, with black cat ears on top. "A cat?" he asks.

"Don't tell me that's too sexy for you," Baekhyun teases. "Not that you couldn't make it sexy if you wanted to."

"I'll take it." Minseok gets up to grab the headband out of Baekhyun's hand. It is an easy costume, and he doesn't want to know what Baekhyun will suggest next. He puts the headband down on his desk, and he's ready to get back to his reading when Baekhyun interrupts.

"Hey, you can read later. Come over here and let me show you the MV so you can appreciate I Got A Boy properly." He goes to his computer and stops the music, pulling up a browser window.

Minseok would normally refuse, but he must be going soft, because he finds himself saying, "Okay."

 

Minseok doesn't dress up as a sexy cat, but he does at least put in the effort to wear all black clothing to match the cat ears. Krystal offers to paint whiskers on for him, but he turns her down. He's going to do only as much as he needs to fit in; "dressing up" as a normal college student is enough effort already. Baekhyun disappears to Jongdae and Yixing's room to get ready (which is suspicious, but not in a way that Minseok needs to follow up on), so Minseok is left in peace to dress how he wants.

When he's done, he goes by Junmyeon and Lu Han's room to see if they're ready to leave. Lu Han opens the door, also dressed all in black but otherwise looking normal. He smiles when he sees the ears on Minseok's head. "Cute." He steps back to let Minseok in and then closes the door. "I'm almost ready, if you want to go."

"Where's Junmyeon?" Minseok asks, standing by the door so he doesn't have to deal with the perpetual mess on the floor.

"He went to get ready with Krystal." Lu Han digs around on his bed looking for something. Minseok belatedly notices that his nails are painted black, presumably for costume purposes since he doesn't normally wear nail polish. "They're doing some sort of couple costume and Junmyeon was being very secretive about it."

"Baekhyun was like that too," Minseok tells him. "He and Jongdae are planning something."

Lu Han finds what he's looking for, which turns out to be a black mask that covers the lower half of his face, with an eerie, inhuman mouth on it and strange silver cylinders on the sides. He looks at Minseok after he puts it on, with a smile in his eyes, but quickly droops when Minseok shows no sign of recognition. He pulls the mask down to hang around his neck for now. "Not an anime fan?"

Minseok shakes his head. "Sorry."

Lu Han shrugs. "Hopefully someone here is or I'll feel pretty dumb. Want to go see who else is ready?"

They go to Jongdae and Yixing's room and find Yixing waiting out in the hallway. He's wearing black pants and a white button-up shirt along with a black cape and, Minseok sees when he smiles, vampire fangs. "A vampire, huh?" Lu Han says. Minseok wonders if Baekhyun would consider this a sexy vampire.

"Cool, don't you think?" Yixing grins wider, baring his fangs. "We can go ahead if you want, but I'm curious to see what Jongdae and Baekhyun are doing. They kicked me out of the room." He knocks on the door and yells, "Are you almost ready? Minseok and Han are here."

"One second!" Jongdae yells back.

It's considerably more than a second before Jongdae and Baekhyun emerge, but at last they do. Jongdae comes out first, wearing a lab coat with no shirt underneath and tight fitting slacks, a (presumably fake) stethoscope around his neck. Minseok doesn't look too closely at him because a moment later, Baekhyun emerges and Lu Han starts laughing so hard he goes down on his knees. Baekhyun is wearing a fitted dress styled to look like a lab coat, a nurse's hat pinned to a blond wig that looks completely unnatural on him, and white fishnet stockings.

"That's...interesting." Yixing's slightly perplexed expression matches how Minseok feels, in contrast to Lu Han still dying of laughter.

Baekhyun pulls the stethoscope off of Jongdae's neck and wields it while doing what Minseok assumes is meant to be a sexy pose. "Want me to check your heart?" He follows it up immediately with his awkward laugh.

Minseok laughs, because that is clearly the right reaction to this situation, and Yixing does too. Jongdae grins smugly, very pleased.

"Moral of the story is never make a bet with Jongdae," Baekhyun declares. "Should we go?"

They go upstairs and find Junmyeon and Krystal just leaving, Amber following behind them. Amber is wearing jeans and a leather jacket over a white shirt, with black fingerless gloves on her hands and a bandana on her head. (Minseok's not sure what she's supposed to be, but he doesn't much care.) Junmyeon is in an elegant black suit and Krystal is in a matching skirt suit that doesn't quite fit her, making Minseok think it's borrowed. "Who are you supposed to be?" Baekhyun asks.

Another round of laughing at Baekhyun's costume ensues once they notice him, with Junmyeon being the most enthusiastic this time. Junmyeon's still snickering when he calms down enough to explain, "I'm James Bond."

He gestures at Krystal, who rolls her eyes slightly before adding, "And Jamie Bond."

"Genius," Jongdae says, deadpan, and Baekhyun barks out a laugh.

Junmyeon looks slightly disappointed that they don't appreciate it more, but he keeps smiling. "I guess I can't compete with Baekhyun the Sexy Nurse."

Baekhyun sticks out his tongue, which (in Minseok's admittedly non-expert opinion) doesn't look sexy at all. "No, you can't. Come on, let's get partying." With a wave of the stethoscope that he's still holding, he leads them all down the hall.

The party they go to is particularly loud, even this early in the night, and Minseok is immediately on edge. It doesn't help that everyone is in costume, because while a skilled operative wouldn't need a costume to hide, it doesn't hurt. Some of those costumes involve weapons, and they should (according to school rules) all be fake, but Minseok can't be sure at a distance, and that makes him wary. He's mystified as to why this holiday is supposed to be fun.

Aside from the costumes and themed decorations, the night proceeds like most parties Minseok has been to. There's drinking and more drinking and people doing ridiculous things, and less than an hour into the party, Minseok is already very ready to go home. Baekhyun is making Jongdae, Yixing and Amber laugh with his surprisingly successful attempts at flirting in his female nurse costume. Minseok stands just close enough to them that it looks like he's part of the group and just far enough away that he can avoid the noise and keep an eye on Junmyeon and Krystal, who are people watching and talking into each other's ears. He doesn't know where Lu Han has disappeared to, but he probably hasn't gone far; Lu Han doesn't like to be alone, Minseok's noticed, at parties or anywhere else.

Minseok must not look occupied enough, because two girls approach him. One is dressed in a frillier and more revealing version of Baekhyun's nurse outfit, while the other is wearing a similarly frilly and revealing red, white and blue outfit, perhaps dressed up as some character Minseok's not familiar with. "Hi!" Nurse Girl chirps. "I like your costume."

Minseok doesn't hide his skepticism, and the two girls giggle. "Really," the other girl insists. "It's cute."

"Thanks," Minseok says like he actually cares. "I like your costumes too."

"Thanks! I'm Saskia, by the way," Nurse Girl tells him.

"I'm Ashwini," her friend says, grinning. Minseok wonders how drunk they are.

"Minseok. Nice to meet you."

"You too. What year are you?" Ashwini asks.

"I'm a freshman."

That earns him another giggle from both girls. "You look like a freshman," Saskia says. "So cute."

"We're juniors," Ashwini adds.

They talk for another minute or so, the usual generic small talk, before an all too familiar voice says, "Why hello there!" Baekhyun sidles over to Saskia. "I see we chose the same costume for tonight." Saskia and Ashwini giggle, and Baekhyun bats his eyelashes at them.

"Cockblock," Jongdae fake coughs, but Baekhyun ignores him, as does Minseok.

"I see you've met Minseok," Baekhyun continues. "I'm his much more interesting roommate, Bill." He holds up a hand and stage whispers to Minseok, "No offense." Minseok shrugs. It's probably true, at least on the surface. "Can I get you another drink?" Baekhyun asks, turning his attention back to the girls. "You look like you could use another drink."

Baekhyun pulls the girls away, and only Ashwini turns briefly to wave goodbye to Minseok. He can't say he minds; he has no idea what to do with giggling girls. Minseok is left in peace for a while, half listening to Jongdae, Amber and Yixing talk now that Baekhyun's flirting has moved elsewhere, nodding like he's paying attention to their conversation. Junmyeon and Krystal have moved from talking to kissing. Krystal's jacket is draped on the couch they're leaning against but Junmyeon is still stubbornly wearing his despite how hot it is inside. They don't look to be going anywhere any time soon, but Minseok watches them out of the corner of his eye just in case.

His peace is broken by an unfamiliar guy this time, approaching Minseok out of the blue. "Hey, nice costume," he says, gesturing with his cup either to indicate Minseok's costume or in a mock toast. 

Minseok is coming to realize that complimenting someone's costume seems to be the way to start a conversation on Halloween, most likely regardless of whether you actually think it's a good costume or not. "Thanks." he says, with what he hopes is enough enthusiasm to not sound rude without encouraging the guy to talk to him more. "Yours too." The guy is wearing a green and brown camouflage-patterned cloth wrapped around his waist and over one shoulder like a modified toga, exposing lots of skin. This must be what Baekhyun had in mind for Minseok. The guy is showing a lot of muscle, though Minseok can't say if it's sexy.

"I'm Daniel," the guy says, continuing to follow the usual script.

"Minseok."

"Cool. Nice to meet you." Daniel's tone is casual, but suddenly he moves into Minseok's personal space, and Minseok is instantly on guard, though he does his best not to show it.

"You too." Minseok peeks over at Junmyeon out of the corner of his eye, but he's still kissing Krystal, blissfully unaware that his life could be in danger at any time.

Minseok thought he was being subtle, but Daniel must have noticed, because he looks over at Junmyeon and Krystal. "Friends of yours?" he asks.

"Yeah." Minseok doesn't like the way Daniel's gaze is lingering on the couple. It seems casual, but that doesn't mean it is. 

"Man, doesn't it suck when your friends hook up at parties and ditch you?" Daniel says sympathetically.

"They're not hooking up," Minseok says distractedly. "They're dating." Then, after a moment's thought, "Is that what your friends did to you?"

"Maybe that's what I'm trying to do to them," Daniel says, but then he laughs. He's still in Minseok's personal space, but to make matters worse, he shifts subtly closer to Junmyeon. It could mean nothing, but it could also mean that he's an Organization X operative taking advantage of Minseok to check out Junmyeon. It could even mean that he's aware of who Minseok is and what he's doing here, but that seems less likely when they've only just barely interacted. "Have you ever been the one making out and leaving your friends alone?"

"No," Minseok answers immediately, before he thinks better of it. Two months into the school year, "yes" would be a more likely answer, wouldn't it?

If Daniel finds it suspicious, he doesn't show it, laughing again. "Maybe we should find you someone to make out with. What's your type?" He looks around the room, ignoring Junmyeon, and Minseok thinks that maybe he's being overly paranoid thinking that Daniel is a threat.

"I'm not really the making out at parties type," he says, which is the truth. He's not really the making out anywhere type, or the parties type.

"There's a first time for everything, right?" Daniel gives him a friendly nudge, putting Minseok on edge again. Why does this stranger think it's okay to touch him?

Suddenly, Jongdae comes up next to him, and Minseok's already so on edge that it's a struggle not to react negatively when Jongdae puts his arm around Minseok's shoulders. "Hey, Minseok, did you see what Baekhyun did?" he asks in Korean. He turns to Daniel and switches to English. "Sorry, am I interrupting something?"

"Nah, you're good," Daniel says with an easy grin. To Minseok, he says, "Nice meeting you. Enjoy the party."

When he's gone, Jongdae's arm falls from Minseok's shoulders, and he gives Minseok a brief pat on the back before letting go of him. "You're not very good at getting out of conversations you don't want to be having, are you?" Minseok turns to him, perplexed, while still trying to see where Daniel goes to be sure he's not too close to Junmyeon. "That guy," Jongdae explains. "You didn't look into it."

"Oh." Was it that obvious? "No, not really. Thanks."

"No problem. But hey, why are you over here by yourself? Come join the fun." Jongdae doesn't pull Minseok over like Baekhyun no doubt would, instead gesturing for him to come over to where the others are standing. 

Baekhyun is back, now talking to (or, more accurately, shamelessly flirting with) a girl in what appears to be a sexy maid costume. Lu Han rejoins the group shortly after Minseok does, his mask pulled down to hang around his neck and his hair mussed in a way that may or may not be intentional. "Nice," Amber comments. "Now you look less creepy and more sexy. Does that have anything to do with why your hair's a mess?"

"Does what?" Lu Han asks shiftily, coming to stand between Minseok and Yixing.

"Did you looking sexy get your hair messed up?" Amber gives Lu Han a knowing look.

Lu Han turns red, and Jongdae laughs loudly. "What are you so shy about? Embrace your sexiness. If Baekhyun can get lucky, I know you can."

"I heard that!" Baekhyun calls without turning away from Sexy Maid Girl.

"And if you do, it's nothing to be embarrassed about," Jongdae continues, ignoring Baekhyun.

"Okay, got it," Lu Han says, stumbling over the simple words in his hurry to get them out and end the conversation.

Satisfied, Jongdae turns his attention to bothering Baekhyun. Yixing says quietly, in Mandarin, "Yeah, Xiao Lu. Embrace that sexiness and get lucky. What are you waiting for?"

"I don't see _you_ picking anyone up either," Lu Han retorts. Yixing just smiles mildly, like he doesn't care at all, and Lu Han gives up. He turns to Minseok, who pretends to have no idea what was just said, and grumbles, "Everyone else is so mean to me. That's why I like you better."

Minseok smiles as he glances over, hopefully more subtly than before, to see if Junmyeon is still there and unharmed, and to check that Daniel is nowhere near them. Junmyeon and Krystal have stopped kissing and are back to talking but haven't moved from the spot they staked out, and Minseok can't see Daniel anywhere. Maybe the whole thing was his imagination, but he's going to be extra careful tonight, just in case.

"I like your costume," Lu Han continues despite Minseok's muted response. "You look cute." He reaches up and pats Minseok between the cat ears.

"You don't," Minseok answers. 

Lu Han laughs, telling Minseok he judged his response correctly. "Maybe I should have gone for cute or sexy instead of creepy." He looks over at Baekhyun, who has his arm around the sexy maid. "Or maybe crossdressing is the way to go."

"I think that only works for Baekhyun." Minseok doesn't understand how, but there's very little he _does_ understand about Baekhyun. 

"Oh well." Lu Han laughs more quietly. "I don't really want to crossdress anyway."

They lapse into silence, listening to their friends talk around them. Lu Han turns slightly toward Minseok several times, like he wants to say something, but he never does. It's confusing to Minseok, but not in a way that's worth paying attention to. His mind is still on Junmyeon, and on Daniel, and on how easy it would be for the wrong person to get at Junmyeon at a party like this. It helps that he's attached at the hip to Krystal, but Minseok still can't be sure that Krystal isn't a threat herself. If only he could keep Junmyeon from interacting with anyone, his mission would be so much easier.

Minseok sighs, very quietly, but Lu Han notices. "Are you okay?" he asks.

"Yeah, fine." Minseok pastes a smile on his face, and Lu Han accepts it. Minseok continues smiling in case someone's paying attention, and because there's no point in feeling sorry for himself. This is his mission, and if it was easy, there would be no reason for someone with his skills to be here. He'll just have to figure out a way to keep Junmyeon safe, no matter what challenges he has to face. 

 

The following Friday is a quieter night than many for Minseok, which is a relief after the excitement, if you can call it that, of Halloween weekend. Baekhyun invited him to a party he's going to with some of his other friends (of which he has many), but Minseok turned him down to hang out in the dorm with Junmyeon, Krystal, Lu Han, Yixing, Jongdae and Amber. There's still drinking, but not enough for them to get wild, and with a lot fewer people around, it's easier for Minseok to keep tabs on Junmyeon.

They splinter into individual conversations eventually, and Jongdae latches onto Minseok, asking him all kinds of questions about his life in Korea. It's a pain for Minseok to give answers that will satisfy Jongdae's curiosity without having to make up details beyond his established backstory, but Jongdae's had enough to drink that he's easy to please and probably won't remember clearly anyway.

Somewhere in the middle of that conversation, Junmyeon and Krystal get up to leave. Junmyeon gives Lu Han a significant look that means Lu Han is likely to end up in Minseok's room later before they say their goodbyes. "Poor Han," Jongdae says dryly, only loud enough for Minseok to hear.

The rest of them start to disperse soon after that. A yawning Yixing says he's going to bed, and Jongdae goes with him "to keep him from walking into walls." Amber heads back to her room too, leaving only Lu Han and Minseok. "Want to come back with me?" Minseok offers.

"If you don't mind," Lu Han says. "I'm not tired yet anyway."

They only make it a few feet down the hall before Minseok's phone buzzes. He pulls it out of his pocket to see a text from Baekhyun. It's more incoherent than his usual texts, suggesting that he had a lot of fun at his party: _cn i hv te rom 4a bit? nic grl sry_

Minseok stops walking. "Change of plans." He shows the text to Lu Han, who makes a face.

"Just our luck. Back to the living room?" They return to the living room, sitting on one of the couches together. The room is empty, everyone else asleep or out having more fun.

"I'm not surprised about Baekhyun, but I didn't think Junmyeon would be the kind of roommate to kick me out this often. At least he apologizes after, but it sure does rub it in that I'm not getting any." Lu Han's flops onto his side on the couch, pouting at Minseok. He looks like a puppy, pathetic but cute.

"It's only November," Minseok points out. "You've got time to find someone. And it's not like I'm getting any either."

"I don't know why," Lu Han says. "People keep trying to get in your pants at parties."

"They do?" Minseok should be aware of it if people are flirting with him, but he hasn't noticed. It's not really relevant to his mission unless he can use that to his advantage, but he doesn't want to call attention to himself by being too oblivious.

Lu Han looks at him like he can't believe Minseok's asking that question. "Don't tell me you didn't realize..."

Minseok shrugs. "I'm not good at flirting." That's the truth, and there's no harm in admitting it in this case.

"Here." Lu Han sits up and scoots closer to Minseok, until their legs are just barely touching. "If someone offers you a drink while smiling like this, they're flirting." He flashes Minseok a slightly shy, charming sort of smile. "If you're at a party and someone asks if you want to go outside or go somewhere else to talk, they're flirting." He puts a hand on Minseok's forearm and leans closer to him. "If someone touches you like this, they're definitely flirting."

"But you touch me like that," Minseok says without thinking, surprising himself. He should have better control than to say something he hasn't thought through.

And then Lu Han darts forward and kisses him without warning, his lips hitting Minseok's almost hard enough to be uncomfortable. _So that was flirting,_ Minseok thinks inanely. He should have realized that.

Lu Han pulls away as abruptly as he moved forward, eyes going wide with panic. "I'm sorry, I wasn't—I mean, just forget about it, okay?"

As Lu Han frantically tries to talk his way out of this, Minseok's mind races, trying to figure out how to respond. Making Lu Han like him wasn't part of his plan, but it could be useful to him, giving him an excuse to hang out in Junmyeon and Lu Han's room that much more. Not only that, but dating someone will help with his efforts to appear like a normal college student, while dating someone within his friend group will mean not having to divide his attention. He'd be foolish not to take advantage of this.

He processes all of that quickly, while Lu Han is still babbling apologies, before cutting him off with a kiss. This time Lu Han freezes, staring at Minseok in undisguised shock when he pulls away. "I was just surprised," Minseok says by way of excuse. "You have to give me a minute."

"Oh." Lu Han's still staring like he can't believe this is happening.

"I haven't really...done this much." Minseok gestures between them.

Lu Han nods understandingly. "I remember Junmyeon said that kids in Korea don't do a lot of dating. Not that you'd know it from him." He pauses and sheepishly adds, "Not that I have either. But then..."

He looks so hopeful that Minseok wonders if this is really a good idea. If he messes things up with Lu Han, it could put him in a very awkward position as far as being around Junmyeon. Still, it's too good an opportunity to pass up when it's fallen into his lap like this. He can't let it go. "Yeah." He smiles at Lu Han, who lights up in response before leaning in slowly for another kiss.

Minseok has never kissed anyone before this, so he has no basis for comparison. He understands the mechanics, but he doesn't know what it's supposed to feel like. Lu Han's lips are a little dry, but warm and soft as they press into Minseok's, parting slightly so their mouths fit together better. Underneath the genetic modifications and training, Minseok is only human, so his body responds pleasantly to the sensation, though it's likely less than most people would feel. Lu Han clearly likes it too, since he continues kissing, one hand tentatively coming to rest on Minseok's cheek.

They break apart before too long but don't move away from each other. Lu Han is grinning, so Minseok tries to match the expression. "How long do you think we need to give our roommates before we can go to bed?"

"An hour?" Minseok suggests. 

Lu Han's grin twists into something more mischievous. "Do you think we can find something to do for an hour?" It's not hard for Minseok to guess what he's suggesting, so he answers by leaning in again.

It's 2:30 a.m. by the time Minseok makes his way back to his room. Baekhyun's nice girl is gone and he's passed out on his bed, probably naked under the blankets. Minseok quickly gets ready and climbs into bed, tired now that he's not distracted. When he closes his eyes, he sees Lu Han's smile, a mix of happy and smug and just a little shy. It's a nice smile, but thinking about it makes Minseok feel off somehow. Before he can figure out why, he drifts off to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Minseok wakes up early the following morning, as usual. He sits up in bed and swings his legs over the side automatically, but then he pauses for a moment, pressing his lips together. They don't feel any different, but why would they, just because he kissed someone for the first time last night? He kissed Lu Han a lot, and it does change things, but it's a silly, romantic notion to think that having his first kiss changed Minseok in any way.

He gets up without any further hesitation and gets dressed to go to the gym, ignoring the now familiar noises Baekhyun makes when he sleeps. Later, he'll have to talk to Lu Han and figure out where they stand. After that, he'll have to determine what that means for his mission and his access to Junmyeon. For now, though, he's going to go about his normal morning routine.

It's Saturday, which means that the dorm is still quiet when Minseok gets back after the gym and breakfast. Baekhyun is sound asleep, though he's moved around and pulled his blankets down enough to reveal that he is, in fact, naked. Minseok checks the tracker on his phone (password protected so none of his friends could steal his phone and see it), as he does every morning, to see that Junmyeon's still in the dorm. Lu Han is probably in his room too, but that's not important for Minseok to know.

By the time Baekhyun wakes up, Minseok has finished all of his homework for the weekend and it's time for lunch. Baekhyun grumbles for maybe a minute about how terrible it is to be awake before he regains his customary energy, gets dressed, and drags Minseok to the dining hall for food. None of their friends are there yet (although Baekhyun waves to several people Minseok doesn't know on the way in), so they sit alone for ten minutes before Lu Han comes in. He walks over casually, as usual, but when he gets close, Minseok sees that his ears are noticeably red.

Baekhyun notices, of course, and a shark-like grin immediately spreads over his face. "What?"

Lu Han absolutely does not have the makings of a spy, judging by how he looks over at Minseok (before immediately turning away as his ears reach fire engine colors). "I'm going to get food!" he barks before fleeing the table.

Baekhyun spends the next twenty minutes pestering an implacable Minseok and, as soon as he comes back, an increasingly flustered Lu Han with questions ranging from "Did you hook up?" to "Did you get kidnapped by aliens?" to "Did you walk in on Henry doing something unspeakable?" and back to "Did you have sex?" Minseok half expects Lu Han to cave and tell him everything, but he doesn't, staring at his tray and taking a big gulp of coffee whenever he starts to waver.

Baekhyun only pauses in his interrogation when Yixing shows up, his sleepy eyes sharpening as he takes in the scene. "What happened?" he asks.

"That's what I'd like to know!" Baekhyun looks excited to have a potential co-conspirator. "These two have an embarrassing secret and they won't tell me what it is."

"What, did you finally make a move?" Yixing asks Lu Han in Mandarin.

Lu Han splutters while Baekhyun whines, "Hey, do you know something you're not telling me?" In Korean, he adds, "Come on, Minseokie, I have no secrets from you."

Minseok considers the situation. He doesn't care if the others know or not. (Baekhyun will pester him about it, but no more than he's pestering now.) On the other hand, Lu Han does seem to care, and it would be best for them to discuss the situation before revealing it to their meddling friends, so they know where they stand. Minseok's done eating anyway, so he downs the last of his water and stands up. "Let's go, Lu Han."

Lu Han looks startled, but only for a moment. He stands up and picks up his tray to leave. "Hey, that's no fun," Baekhyun grumbles.

"You can bug them later," Yixing says placatingly. "Let them talk first."

"Fine." Baekhyun heaves a dramatic sigh but doesn't object further, so Minseok and Lu Han can leave in peace.

They drop off their trays and then Minseok leads Lu Han to the benches outside, choosing the one farthest from the building. It's sunny but cold out here, and Minseok tucks his hands into his sweatshirt pockets. They both sit down, a small but noticeable distance between them, and Lu Han says, "Sorry. I didn't mean to be so obvious."

"It's okay," Minseok assures him. "They'd find out soon enough anyway." He thinks about Yixing's reaction and wonders how long he knew that Lu Han was interested, for him to be saying "finally." Has Lu Han been flirting with Minseok for weeks without him noticing? Was it obvious to everyone but him? Baekhyun seemed to have his suspicions too, even if he didn't know for sure.

"That's true." Lu Han presses his lips together nervously, but his ears are back to their normal color. "I want to be clear: last night...that was really nice, and I'd like for it to be...more, you know, not just a one time thing."

"You mean you'd like to kiss again?" Minseok knows that's not what he means, but it seems that his friends' love of teasing banter is rubbing off on him.

"Wait, no, I—" Lu Han breaks off, realizing that Minseok isn't serious, and pouts at him. "I don't need you teasing me too."

It only takes a second of Minseok smiling for Lu Han's pout to disappear. "I'm okay with that," Minseok says. "This being more." He doesn't know if he's doing this right—is he supposed to say more explicitly that he wants to date Lu Han, or that he likes him?—but judging by the way Lu Han beams in response, it's good enough.

"Good. That's...yeah. Good. Does that mean I can kiss you now?"

Minseok glances over at the walkway not too far away, where people are occasionally passing by on their way to the dining hall, but if Lu Han doesn't mind being seen, he doesn't either. "Sure." Acting on impulse, he doesn't wait for Lu Han but leans in and kisses him first. After last night, Minseok feels reasonably confident that he knows how to kiss, and when he pulls back, Lu Han is grinning.

They stay like that for a moment, but then Minseok suddenly shivers, registering how cold he is now that he doesn't have other things to focus on. Lu Han immediately wraps a warm arm around him and says, "Let's go inside before you freeze." He's still smiling widely, and as they head inside, Minseok finds himself both pleased with how well he's playing this and a little worried about what he's gotten himself into.

 

As expected, their friends give them a hard time, but nobody seems terribly surprised. "I figured Han had a crush on you," Baekhyun tells Minseok later, "but I didn't think you were interested. I was starting to think you weren't interested in _anyone,_ considering how you shut down everyone who flirted with you at parties. I guess you just needed time." He grins. "Our little Minseokie, all grown up."

It takes some adjustment, interacting with Lu Han as a boyfriend instead of just one of Minseok's group of friends. The only couple Minseok has had much opportunity to observe up close is Junmyeon and Krystal, but Junmyeon is a real sap sometimes, and Minseok doesn't think he could be like that if he tried. Lu Han doesn't seem to be the sappy type either, which is good for Minseok, but it means that they can't be the same kind of couple. Minseok has to figure out how to behave, which takes some time. Luckily, Lu Han is awkward enough that Minseok doesn't think his own cluelessness stands out.

They both get the hang of being together, slowly, but what Minseok has the hardest time getting used to is how much Lu Han likes to touch him. It's not like no one has ever touched him in his life; he's wrestled with other Students many times, and it doesn't get much touchier than that. But outside of a fight or other training-related situation, he can't remember anyone at School touching him. As far back as his memory goes, nobody ever hugged him or draped a casual arm around his shoulders or even gave him a brief pat on the back.

There's plenty of casual touching among his friends here, and Minseok has largely grown accustomed to it by now. He's no longer startled when someone taps him, and he doesn't have to remind himself not to throw someone across the room if they put an arm around his shoulders or backhug him. It doesn't feel natural to him, and he rarely initiates it himself (and then only with conscious effort), but occasional human touch is no longer so foreign to him.

But all of that is nothing compared the way Lu Han is now. He seems to need to be touching Minseok every moment they're together, whether it's a hand resting on his thigh while they eat, an arm around his shoulders when they're standing, or his entire body wrapped around Minseok when they're in his room, regardless of whether Junmyeon is there or not. Minseok wants to appear comfortable with it the way it seems a normal person should be, but it puts him on edge. His instincts still tell him it's time to fight instead of time to relax and lean into Lu Han's touch, and it wears on him to constantly have to tamp down those instincts.

More than that, he feels...he's not sure because it's something he's never felt before, but he thinks it's guilt. The way Lu Han attaches himself to Minseok at every available opportunity makes it clear that he likes Minseok a lot. Minseok knows what his mission is and Lu Han's feelings have nothing to do with it, but the longer this goes on, the more wrong it feels to take advantage of Lu Han to get to Junmyeon. It's too late to take it back now, but it makes Minseok uncomfortable in a way someone like him has no business being.

Feelings are a luxury Minseok can't afford, so he pushes them down as far as he can. He needs to control himself, because this is a lot bigger than Lu Han's impending hurt feelings. There's too much at stake for him to be distracted.

 

Minseok has learned about the American holiday of Thanksgiving and he knows it's coming up, but he doesn't give it much thought until Junmyeon asks at dinner one night, "Who's going to be on campus for Thanksgiving?"

Baekhyun is going home and Krystal is going to visit family friends who live nearby, but the rest of them don't have any plans, and Junmyeon's pleased smile tells Minseok that he has something in mind. Sure enough, he says, "What do you think about having our own Thanksgiving dinner?"

Junmyeon's plan turns out to be finding some kind of space, probably a hotel room, to have a Thanksgiving meal with their group of friends and maybe some other guests. There's some skepticism, but when Junmyeon says that no one else has to worry about the planning or the expense, they're all quick to agree.

That's how Minseok finds himself accompanying Junmyeon, along with Lu Han, Yixing, Jongdae and Amber, to a local hotel on Thanksgiving Day. The hotel suite is huge, with a full kitchen and a big table, plus two desks that they push next to the table to have more space. There aren't enough chairs, but Junmyeon has arranged for some to be brought in, along with massive amounts of food. "I thought you only invited fourteen people," Yixing says when he sees all the food piled around the kitchen.

"I'm told that having way too much food is a Thanksgiving tradition," Junmyeon explains, grinning.

"And who's paying for us to eat way too much food?" Jongdae asks. Junmyeon said he would take care of everything, so none of them have put any money toward this meal.

"Our overeating is generously sponsored by my parents."

"What do your parents do that you have this much money to throw around?" Amber asks curiously. Minseok doesn't have a good idea of how much a hotel room and food like this costs, but he suspects it's a lot.

Junmyeon smiles a little sheepishly, like he's being modest, but it doesn't look very convincing. "My dad runs a company, that's all."

"Yeah, I know, but what kind of company brings in this much money?" Amber presses.

"They broker sales, basically, for different levels of manufacturing or companies with all kinds of needs. It allows sellers to make the most of their inventory and buyers to get exactly what they need quickly and at a reasonable cost." Junmyeon rattles off the formal description easily, and Amber raises an eyebrow at him.

"I see you've got the whole pitch memorized. But I'm still not convinced that could get you filthy rich. Are you sure it's not one of those shady corporations that secretly controls the country?"

Junmyeon laughs. "You've seen too many movies. It's just a normal, successful company."

The conversation moves on after that, but Minseok thinks about what Junmyeon said. If he was lying when he talked about what his father's company does, he hid it very well. That description doesn't preclude black market deals or arms sales, but it didn't sound like that's what Junmyeon meant, and he laughed off Amber's suggestion that there's something shady about his dad's company. That means that either he knows what his father's company does and he's a very good liar, or he has no idea and genuinely believes that his family's wealth comes from respectable, legal sources. From what he's seen of Junmyeon, Minseok strongly suspects the second one.

They set the table with disposable plates and utensils and prepare the food, and soon, the other guests start arriving. Luna shows up with a girlfriend Minseok didn't even know she had, Vale from Italy. Yixing invited his cousin Victoria, a beautiful young woman who speaks impeccable English to match her name but greets Yixing in Mandarin. Their RA Henry comes with a friend named Eric who Minseok vaguely recalls seeing around the dorm, bringing beer and wine since they're old enough to buy alcohol.

They're followed by friends of Amber's, Jackson and Suzy. (They're locals, not students, but Minseok misses exactly how Amber knows them. Considering how outgoing Amber is, it's not surprising that she's made friends in town.) The last person to arrive is a girl Minseok doesn't recognize, but Junmyeon says, "Oh, you must be Jongdae's _friend_."

Jongdae glares at Junmyeon and mutters, "Don't start" in Korean before introducing the girl as Beth from his a cappella group, who's from Oregon and couldn't fly all the way home for Thanksgiving. He smiles at Beth and puts a hand lightly on her arm as he leads her around to make introductions, making Minseok think Junmyeon's not wrong in doubting that she's just a friend. But then, like many things, that's not important to Minseok.

What is important is that this dinner involves a lot of unfamiliar people being around Junmyeon, and any of these newcomers could be agents of Organization X. They're in a small space so it's unlikely that anyone could harm or kidnap Junmyeon without Minseok noticing and stopping them. On the other hand, he can't very well keep them all from talking to Junmyeon. Whether or not he knows the secrets of his father's company, Junmyeon could unwittingly give away some valuable information. There's also the danger of an undercover operative using this opportunity to get close to Junmyeon and taking advantage of that initial connection later.

One thing Minseok has learned in the last few months full of partying is that there are only so many factors he can control, and it does him no good to dwell on the ones that are out of his hands. He'll keep an eye on Junmyeon, and listen as much as possible to the conversations he has tonight, but that's all he can do. Other than that, he'll try to enjoy his first—and quite possibly last—Thanksgiving.

He stakes out a seat at the end of the table, where he can see everyone and not feel boxed in. Lu Han plops down next to him, of course, his hand immediately finding its way to the back of Minseok's chair. Jackson sits on his other side, and Minseok offers him a polite smile. He gets one in return before Henry strikes up a conversation with Jackson, drawing his attention away.

Dinner is a noisy affair from the beginning, and it gets louder as the evening progresses, though at least there's less drinking and therefore somewhat better behavior than your average party. (It probably helps that Baekhyun isn't here being his usual wild self.) It's also easier for Minseok to keep tabs on Junmyeon with everyone sitting down, so he's able to somewhat relax and enjoy the meal. The food is good and even Minseok, who is usually better at self-control, overeats, but he reasons that that's all part of the Thanksgiving celebration.

Minseok mostly talks to Lu Han, because he's at the end of the table and would rather listen than talk, but when Lu Han gets drawn into a conversation with Amber and Luna, Jackson turns to Minseok. "I think you're only quiet one at this table. Having fun?"

"Yeah." Minseok gives him a sheepish smile. "It's always like this." He's improved his small talk skills over the last few months, so he searches for a good question to ask Jackson. "Are you a student too?"

"Nah, I'm not really the academic type. I work in construction." Looking at Jackson's muscles, that's easy to imagine.

"How did you meet Amber?" Minseok's not particularly suspicious of Jackson, who doesn't seem to be making any special effort to get close to Junmyeon, but he would be remiss if he didn't check him out. (He'll also have Heechul look into all the guests later, of course.)

"She comes and hangs out in the cafe where Suzy works sometimes," Jackson explains without any noticeable hesitation. "Suzy and I went to high school together, so I go there a lot."

Minseok nods. It's a reasonable explanation, though any good cover story would be reasonable. (What is it like, he wonders briefly, to meet someone new and not have to evaluate them like this?) "Well, it's nice to have you here." 

Jackson smiles brightly in response. Minseok's looking for his next question to ask when he feels Lu Han's arm settle across his shoulders. Trust Lu Han to want to touch Minseok even more when he's paying attention to someone else, like he's worried someone else will steal Minseok away. He turns to smile at Lu Han. "Yes?"

Lu Han beams at him. "Nothing," he says, but he keeps his arm around Minseok.

Before they have dessert, Junmyeon says he'd like to make a toast. Jongdae groans, and Amber yells, "Don't be a sap!"

Junmyeon pouts a little, like he's insulted that not everyone wants to hear him say something cheesy, but he doesn't let the reaction stop him. "I just want to say that I'm happy I met all of you—even those of you I only met tonight. I was nervous about moving far from home for college, but you've helped make it a great experience so far. I'm looking forward to more of the same. This holiday is about being thankful for the good things in life, so I want to say thank you for being here tonight, and thank you for being my friends."

Junmyeon grins widely, even though Jongdae, Amber and Lu Han are all making disgusted faces at him. "Does anyone else want to say anything?"

Total silence follows the question, spreading out for three seconds before everyone bursts out laughing. (Well, almost everyone. Yixing's reactions are always a little slow, and Minseok doesn't quite get what's so funny, so he joins in late, once he realizes that he should.) "I think we're good," Jongdae says. He holds up his cup. "Enough with the cheese. Let's eat pie."

Junmyeon rolls his eyes, smiling good-naturedly. "All right then. Cheers!"

They all raise their cups in a toast and then drink. While Junmyeon, Yixing and Henry get dessert ready, Lu Han leans over to Minseok. "Junmyeon's such a closet sap." Then, "But he's right. I was worried about what it would be like here, but it's been great. I'm happy I made such good friends. And...you." He turns, catching Minseok's eye, and smiles, with just a little hesitation like he's not sure if it's too cheesy.

Minseok smiles back at him. "Yeah. Me too."

Lu Han is satisfied with that, not knowing that Minseok is just saying what's expected. He thinks about it more, though, once Lu Han has turned his attention to dessert. (It's Minseok's first time having pumpkin pie, and now that he's tasted it, he wishes it wasn't likely to be his last.) He wasn't worried about coming here because he felt confident in himself and his training, despite his trainers always impressing on him the dangers of underestimating a person or situation. On the other hand, he hadn't realized—and he's not sure he ever could have before experiencing it—the intensity of an undercover experience. He has to be on nearly every moment of the day and night, always thinking about how to react to every little thing, making sure he doesn't give himself away, and that's been a challenge for him.

More than that, he didn't understand until he was surrounded by ordinary people just how _different_ they are from him. It's not as simple as being raised by at least one parent (as all his friends and most of his classmates were) or as superficial as being familiar with pop culture. It's not because he has a photographic memory or because he's (most likely) the only student at his college who knows how to disarm bombs. At a much more fundamental level, he's not like his peers. He's repressed his emotions so much that it's a struggle to understand them, and he's never learned how to connect with people.

Junmyeon and Lu Han talked about making good friends, and Minseok calls the people here his friends, but they're not really, are they? They don't know who he really is, and he's only pretending to like them. With Lu Han too, he's just going through the motions of having a relationship and hoping he's being convincing. At the same time, even his imitations of friendship and dating are more than he's ever had before, and sometimes they feel more real than they did at the beginning.

He's opened up a little, started to realize that underneath the iron control he's had drilled into him, he is human. He's able to appreciate good food, and he thinks he's starting to appreciate good people. There's still no true friendship when Minseok is pretending to be someone he isn't, but...well, he doesn't know where this will take him, if anywhere, but it's interesting to see that he can change. He wonders how much more he'll change by the time this mission is over, and how he'll feel about the people around him when it's time for him to go.

"You really liked the pie, huh?" Lu Han's voice pulls Minseok out of his thoughts. He's grinning, eyeing Minseok's thoroughly cleaned plate.

Minseok smiles and gives his fork one final lick. "Yeah." He looks around the room at everyone talking and laughing and having a good time together. "Yeah. It's good."

 

The looming end of the semester brings final papers and exams to study for, and also the question of what Minseok's going to do over winter vacation. They have a full month off, so all the American students will go home, as will many international students. Minseok has no family to visit, so there's no reason for him to go back to Korea, but there is a reason for him to be where Junmyeon is. His mission doesn't end just because school is on break.

That's what he thinks, anyway, until he discusses it with Heechul. "Junmyeon will be a lot safer in Korea than he is here," his handler tells him. "His father has his own security, and some awareness that they're necessary. We'll have eyes on him too, but it's better for other people to do that, so he doesn't wonder why his friend from college is stalking him."

"Then what am I supposed to do?" Minseok asks. A month is a long time to be without his mission, without any clear purpose.

"Can you stay on campus?"

Minseok nods. "International students can, if we request permission in advance."

"Then do that," Heechul says. Seeing Minseok's uncertain expression, he waves his hand dismissively. "Don't question time off. You won't get much of it. Relax and enjoy your break."

As far back as Minseok can remember, he's never had time off from his responsibilities, and he's definitely never had anyone tell him to relax and enjoy himself. He doesn't even know how to do that, but it looks like it's time to learn.

Minseok's still having a hard time wrapping his head around the idea of a vacation not just from school but from every aspect of his mission beyond maintaining his cover when the subject of winter break plans comes up again at dinner a few nights later. "Did you decide if you're going home?" Junmyeon asks Lu Han, who shakes his head and frowns, for reasons Minseok doesn't understand.

"How about you, Minseok?" Jongdae asks. "You were still thinking about it, right?"

"I'm going to stay on campus," he says.

"Really, for a whole month?" Baekhyun sounds scandalized by the possibility. "It's got to be so boring here over break. You can't just sit around by yourself."

"Maybe I'll enjoy the quiet," Minseok shoots back. (He's learned a lot about teasing, at least when the target is Baekhyun.)

"Ouch," Baekhyun says, but he laughs along with everyone else.

"I can't wait for break when I can eat some home cooking instead of the same mass-produced meals over and over," Krystal grumbles, poking at her tray. "I'm so sick of dining hall food."

"Seriously, it's been too long," Baekhyun agrees. "I'm tired of dried out meat and soggy noodles and eggs from a carton."

The conversation continues in the same vein, but Minseok ignores it. He's quite content with his dinner, a mildly spicy beef stew next to macaroni and cheese and some veggies from the salad bar to keep it from being too unhealthy. He scoops up some mac and cheese and a big chunk of beef, and he puts it in his mouth just as Junmyeon says, "Minseok doesn't seem to mind the food, do you?"

Minseok blinks in surprise at suddenly being addressed, his mouth too full of food for him to answer. The entire group bursts out laughing, leaving a puzzled Minseok to chew and swallow his food before asking, "What?"

Lu Han pats him on the back, eyes twinkling with mirth, and Jongdae says, "Nevermind. Just enjoy your dinner."

After dinner, Junmyeon heads to Krystal's room, so Minseok follows Lu Han to his. "You know, maybe I'll stay on campus for break too," Lu Han says once they're alone. "I've been thinking about it, but I didn't want stay alone." He smiles. "Unless you were serious about enjoying the quiet." He doesn't sound like he believes it.

Quiet does sound nice, but Lu Han's not like Baekhyun, so Minseok's telling the truth when he says, "I don't mind if it's just you." Lu Han smiles happily at that. "But don't your parents want to see you?" Unlike him, Lu Han has a family back home, and he's never given any indication that he doesn't like them.

Lu Han frowns, and Minseok remembers his earlier reaction. "They do, but...I don't like planes. Stupid, right, going to school so far from home when I hate flying?"

"So are you not going to go home the whole four years?" Minseok asks.

"I'm not _that_ bad. But going back in the summer will be enough this year. Anyway," Lu Han adds, clearly wanting to talk about something different, "it'll be fun to stay with you."

Minseok, analytical as ever, stops to think about what it'll mean to stay on campus with Lu Han. It's hard for him to imagine what it will be like to be here with only Lu Han for a whole month, so he focuses on the practical: is there any danger to him or his mission from spending this time alone with Lu Han?

They've already spent plenty of time together, and Minseok has neither given himself away nor found any reason to suspect Lu Han of being anyone but who he says he is. Heechul checked and double-checked Lu Han's background and couldn't find anything irregular. He has a strong digital footprint, pictures from his high school soccer team and even a Lu Han Fan Club webpage made by some high school classmates, complete with a video of him singing at a school talent show. His dad's company is bigger than Minseok realized, worth almost as much as Guardian Gold, but it seems clean.

Having a normal background doesn't rule out all suspicion. Private organizations and even governments aren't above recruiting young people, especially young people off to university to be Kim Junmyeon's roommate. Minseok suspected Lu Han for that position alone, but now that he's spent a good amount of time in Junmyeon and Lu Han's room, seeing how they interact, he hasn't seen any indication that Lu Han is taking advantage of his closeness to Junmyeon. Minseok spends so much time with Lu Han, and he feels reasonably confident saying that Lu Han's not a threat. He won't let his guard down completely—he couldn't if he tried—but he's not concerned for his own safety with Lu Han, and there's nothing Lu Han can do to Junmyeon when he's in Korea.

Minseok processes all of that quickly and finally smiles at Lu Han, who doesn't seem to notice any hesitation. "Yeah," Minseok agrees. "It'll be fun."

When Minseok goes back to his room (because he has a lab report to write and can't just hang out with Lu Han all night), Baekhyun barely waits for him to sit down at his desk before he asks, "Hey, Minseok, do you want to come home with me for break?"

Minseok's caught off guard by the unexpected offer. "You mean to your house?"

Baekhyun laughs at that. "Yeah, to my house."

"Your family would let me stay?" From what Minseok understands about the communal living that families do, it's unusual to bring an outsider into it for an extended period of time, in the U.S. or Korea.

Baekhyun doesn't seem to think there's anything strange about it. "I asked my mom and she said I could invite you." He barely gives Minseok a second to respond before he continues, "No pressure or anything if you don't want to come, but don't be shy about it."

"But...you'd want me there for a whole month?" Minseok shouldn't ask, because he's probably showing his inexperience in human interactions again, but he's too confused not to.

That earns another laugh from Baekhyun. "We've lived together for almost four months; what's the big deal? Besides, friends don't let friends be alone for vacation."

Is that what this is, friendship? It seems Minseok still has a lot to learn about what friendship is and how it's formed. Minseok feels like he gives Baekhyun so little, which makes it strange that Baekhyun considers him a close enough friend to invite him into his home. Maybe Minseok has been friendlier than he thought, or maybe it's just Baekhyun. He does seem to have the personality of a puppy, energetic and aggressively friendly and quick to get attached to people.

In any case, while Minseok has come to tolerate Baekhyun, a break from rooming with him sounds nice, and it would be too easy to slip up around Baekhyun's family if they're all as eager to make conversation as he is. Besides, Minseok already told Lu Han he'd stay. "Thank you for the offer, but Lu Han decided he's going to stay too, so I won't be alone."

"Ah, well, I can't compete with alone time with your boyfriend." If Baekhyun's insulted or hurt by Minseok's refusal, he doesn't show it. (Sometimes Minseok thinks Baekhyun would be a good spy; he smiles so much that it's hard to know what he's really feeling. Most of the time, though, he thinks no spy would ever try to stand out as much as Baekhyun does.) "But the offer stands for future vacations too, okay? My parents would be happy to have you over."

"Thanks," Minseok says. As he turns his attention to his computer and his lab report, a wistful little thought slips into his mind of how different it must be for ordinary people, who can simply be happy about making a good friend, without analyzing it or worrying about pretending to be someone they aren't. He pushes the thought away immediately, because it's of no use to him. There's no point in someone like him thinking about being ordinary.


	5. Chapter 5

The remainder of the semester and then finals pass in a flurry of activity, tests and papers and listening to his tired, stressed out friends complain. Baekhyun leaves on Thursday, admonishing Minseok to "take good care of our room, have fun and stay safe," followed by a wink that Minseok doesn't understand the point of. The rest of their friends leave over the course of Friday, heading to the airport to fly home.

Junmyeon is the last to go, catching an evening flight, and Minseok can't shake the uneasy feeling that settles in him as he and Lu Han say goodbye to Junmyeon. It's not that he thinks anything bad will happen to him on the way home; Heechul will be tailing his ride to the airport, and there's another Student set to fly to Korea with Junmyeon and see that nothing happens. Minseok's not worried, but it feels wrong to let Junmyeon be someone else's responsibility when he's been Minseok's for four months. 

Minseok's mission isn't over, but for now, his orders are clear: he needs to stand back and let other people look after Junmyeon. He ignores the uneasiness and lets Junmyeon go, trusting that he'll be watched by good people who will keep him out of Organization X's hand until he's back on campus. For the next month, until Junmyeon is back in the country, he's not Minseok's concern.

It's so _strange_ being at school over winter break. Until now, even when Minseok wasn't with Junmyeon, thoughts of where he was and what he was doing and if he was safe were always in the back of Minseok's mind. Now, Junmyeon is in another country with other people watching over him and Minseok has no responsibilities beyond maintaining his cover. That's more difficult in some ways, because it's only him and Lu Han together all the time (aside from occasional interactions with other students who have stayed on campus), but also easier, because Lu Han doesn't pry the way Baekhyun and some of their other friends do.

Minseok thought he would be bored without classes and other regular activities. He's never had so much free time, and he didn't know how he'd fill it. If he was alone on campus, it might be a problem, but Lu Han is more than happy to keep him occupied at all times. They go out to eat or scrounge up meals in the limited dorm kitchen. They go for walks around campus despite the snow on the ground, and Lu Han tags along with Minseok to the gym (later in the day, since it's not open at his usual time). They watch TV and they talk about all kinds of things, school and friends and their pasts and futures. Minseok has to be careful what he says, but he has a solid cover story, and he becomes adept at turning the conversation from himself to Lu Han.

So Minseok isn't bored, but he still struggles to let go of that uneasy feeling that there's _something_ he should be doing. He's never been able to just behave like a normal college student without worrying about anything else. He should probably take advantage of the opportunity and enjoy it—it may well never happen again—but it's difficult to adjust, to relax enough to appreciate it but not so much that he forgets himself and gives himself away to Lu Han.

Then, about a week into their four-week vacation, Minseok realizes that he _has_ adjusted. He and Lu Han are watching a movie in Lu Han's room, sitting together on Lu Han's bed. Lu Han has an arm around Minseok and their legs are touching, but that's it. As the night wears on, Minseok unconsciously leans into Lu Han, and he catches himself thinking that this is...nice. Being with Lu Han, who he only agreed to date because of how it would help his mission, is nice, and he has no idea what to do with that thought.

Minseok's not expressly forbidden to have emotions, nor is he bred not to experience them, but they've never been a part of his life. Even in the last four months, outside of the controlled environment of School, the emotions he's expressed have largely been for show, and the ones he's felt have been so subtle as to be irrelevant. He's never felt so clearly that he likes the situation he's in and wants it to continue. The fact that that situation is dating Lu Han, which was only ever supposed to be for show, makes it that much more surprising.

He doesn't _like_ Lu Han, not the way Krystal and Junmyeon like each other, or the way Lu Han likes him. He can't say he even likes Lu Han as a friend, because someone like him in a situation like this can't make real friends. He just likes sitting here with Lu Han, warm and comfortable and relaxed, enjoying the moment without pressure. That alone, after a lifetime of constant expectations and responsibilities, is significant for him.

"What are you thinking about?" Lu Han asks, startling him out of his thoughts. There's a battle scene happening on the TV, so they're not missing much by talking over it. "You spaced out." Lu Han absently strokes Minseok's arm, touchy as always, and as calm as he is, Minseok doesn't mind.

"Nothing. I guess I'm tired," Minseok lies.

"Do you want to stop? We can finish tomorrow."

"It's fine. At worst, I'll fall asleep on you." To make his point, Minseok leans more heavily into Lu Han.

Lu Han chuckles, his chest shifting under Minseok's cheek. "Okay. I don't mind." They go back to watching the movie, and Lu Han's hand moves up to play with Minseok's hair. That's kind of relaxing too, and Minseok feels like he could actually fall asleep on Lu Han. He really has let his guard down tonight.

In the end, Lu Han falls asleep first. Minseok gets up to turn off the light, then comes back to the bed, pulling the blankets out from under Lu Han so he can cover them. It's so mundane, so domestic, and the strangest thing of all is how normal it feels to curl up under the covers with Lu Han. Minseok doesn't question it, though perhaps he should, only lies down next to Lu Han and goes to sleep.

 

One of the big differences during winter break is how much privacy there is compared to during the school year. Not for Minseok personally, because Lu Han doesn't like to be alone and he spends just about every waking moment and a lot of sleeping moments around Minseok, but for the two of them. There are no roommates across the room when they sit on Lu Han or Minseok's bed, no friends barging into the room without warning, and few hallmates walking around at all hours of the day and night. 

Minseok appreciates the quiet, appreciates only having Lu Han around to convince that he's more or less normal. He doesn't think beyond that until one afternoon, a week and a half into break. They're on Minseok's bed and they've been talking about nothing in particular (while Lu Han absently plays with Minseok's fingers because that's the way he is), but then there's a lull in the conversation and Lu Han kisses Minseok, cupping his face with his hands.

When Lu Han pulls away after not too long, he smiles softly. "It's nice to be able to do that without Baekhyun yelling about PDA."

Minseok smiles back. "It is." Baekhyun's teasing doesn't embarrass him, but it's annoying, and he's glad to have a break from it.

"No need to hold back," Lu Han continues. "No need to kick roommates out if we want to do something." A few seconds later, the implications of his statement seem to hit Lu Han and he turns bright red. "Um, I mean, not that I'm trying to do something. Just, you know, if we did. Do something. Hypothetically."

Minseok doesn't blush, because he's not embarrassed, but he does feel stupid for not realizing that, despite his words, Lu Han probably _is_ expecting something to happen during break. They haven't been together that long, around a month and a half, but it didn't even take Junmyeon and Krystal a week to have sex, to say nothing of the hooking up with near strangers that some of their other friends have done. Lu Han hasn't pushed, but he must have thought about it before. 

"Hey, Minseok, I wasn't trying to hint or anything. It was just a stupid comment." Lu Han's cheeks are still red, but he looks worried now. 

"It's fine," Minseok assures him. It is fine, except that now he's thinking about this and wondering what to do. Should he have sex with Lu Han? He hasn't minded kissing Lu Han, but sex is a big step beyond that. It's a vulnerable position to put himself in, and he worries that it will make Lu Han that much more attached to him, a complication he doesn't need. He'll do it, if it comes to that, but if Lu Han is willing to wait, isn't it best to just wait?

"We don't have to do anything until you're—until we're ready," Lu Han continues earnestly. "Really."

"Even if it takes a year?" Minseok doesn't know why he asks that, but he doesn't know what to say at this point.

Lu Han's eyes go wide for just a second, and Minseok can imagine him thinking, _Please don't make me wait a whole year,_ but then he turns resolute. "As long as it takes."

Minseok kisses Lu Han, because it seems like the right thing to do, and Lu Han seems happy to end the awkward conversation. They kiss for a while, slow and calm and undemanding. Minseok isn't sure what to expect when they break apart. Lu Han looks at him for a moment, a smile on his face that Minseok can't quite read, and then says, "I'm hungry. Want to go get some lunch?" Minseok, relieved, is all too happy to agree.

 

The third week of break, the weather forecast predicts a massive snowstorm, the kind that can close roads and knock out power. Minseok is wary, but Lu Han seems almost excited. "It's fine as long as we don't have to go anywhere, right? We just need to stock up on food so we won't starve if we can't get to the store or get delivery. And maybe we'll have to cuddle for warmth if the power goes out." He laughs.

Minseok is still not convinced. He gets cold easily (a weakness he wishes had been erased from his genes), so he's never been a fan of snowy weather. Then again, he's also never been able to hole up inside and avoid the snow. At School, rather than providing a day to relax, snowstorms often meant special training exercises. "You have to be prepared to survive and apply your skills in any weather," the trainers would say. Minseok remembers being outside in driving snow so thick he couldn't see, and slogging through drifts up to his waist. Without that, who knows? Maybe it'll turn out to be fun.

At the grocery store (which requires a bus ride into town, so there's no way they'll be able to get there in a blizzard), Minseok says that they should buy food that doesn't require cooking in case the power goes out. He's thinking about sensible things like canned tuna and beans, but Lu Han loads their cart up with chips and cookies and, only when Minseok points out that protein is important, beef jerky. 

"Relax and live a little," Lu Han says dismissively when Minseok objects, "You're in ridiculously good shape. A few days of eating junk food won't kill you."

"You're acting like this is a party," Minseok says. 

"Isn't that the whole point of being snowed in?" Lu Han asks with a grin. "And if it doesn't happen, then we've got enough snacks to last us for the rest of break. Don't try to tell me you don't like eating this stuff."

He's right. Minseok tries to limit his eating of junk food, but it's impossible to avoid at college, and he doesn't want to make a fuss about not eating it. He can't deny that he likes the taste, even as the thought of what's in the food and what it's doing to his body makes him wince internally. "Fine, you win," he says, smiling so it's clear he's not annoyed. He adds a few cans of tuna and some canned vegetables to the cart but doesn't take anything out.

The weather is fine that night, but it starts to snow the following morning, light flurries that pick up steam into the afternoon. By dinnertime, the wind is howling and the snow is piling up into deep drifts. "Looks like we really might get snowed in," Lu Han comments. He sounds almost excited.

After a dinner of takeout leftovers (since the power is on and they can heat them up), they go to Junmyeon and Lu Han's room to watch a movie on Junmyeon's big TV (the main reason they hang out in this room despite the mess). The movie is loud enough to drown out the howling of the wind, but just in time for the climax, it cuts off abruptly as the power goes out. 

"Whoa," Lu Han says. They sit in the darkness for a few seconds, listening to the wind, before Lu Han wakes up his phone, casting a weak glow around the room. "Fifty-two percent," he says, grimacing. "I should've been charging it."

"My phone is charged," Minseok tells him. "And I have a flashlight I can go grab."

"So responsible." Lu Han laughs. "I hope you're not scared of the dark."

"No. Are you?" It seems like such a childish thing, being scared of the dark, and even the youngest Students quickly learned not to be afraid. He can't imagine someone his age being so easily frightened.

"Me neither." Lu Han looks around the room. "What should we do now? It's too early for bed. I could turn on my laptop, but I don't know think I have much on there to watch."

"We might have to actually talk." Minseok's not great at making jokes, so it's gratifying when Lu Han laughs at his attempt.

"Oh no," Lu Han says dryly. He's already pulled out his laptop, and turns it on. "We can talk too, but let me see if I've got anything exciting on here."

They end up watching videos that Lu Han has saved on his laptop, some music videos (mostly Chinese and Korean pop, but a few songs in English too) and other little videos of people or animals doing silly things. It's such pointless fluff, such a waste of time for people to make or watch, but Lu Han laughs so much at them, and that, more than the videos, makes Minseok genuinely smile, just a little. Lu Han looks so funny when he laughs; many jokes go right over Minseok's head, but even he can see that.

They run out of videos around 10:30, and Lu Han says, "I guess we could go to sleep early for a change."

"We might as well," Minseok agrees. "Hopefully the power will be back on by morning."

Lu Han manages to trip the second he gets up, and he stops and stands where he is. "What do you say we sleep in your room? It's less of a tripping and dying hazard."

They haven't been sleeping in the same bed every night, but enough times for it to not feel like a big deal. "All right." Minseok goes to get his flashlight and brings it to the bathroom so they can brush their teeth by its light.

"It's creepy like this," Lu Han says around his toothbrush.

Minseok isn't scared, but he is cold. The residual heat in the dorm seems to be dissipating fast, and he's not happy about it. When they get to his room, he changes into pajamas as quickly as he can and dives under the covers. "Cold?" Lu Han asks, sounding amused.

"Yeah." Minseok's blankets are usually enough, but not with the heat completely off. He pulls them up to his neck in hopes that that will help.

Lu Han chuckles, not unkindly. "Here. I don't think Baekhyun will mind." He grabs Baekhyun's comforter off his bed and carries it over, laying it entirely over Minseok so that the world goes dark. "Better?"

Minseok doesn't dignify that with a response. Lu Han climbs into bed with him, bringing the flashlight with him under the covers. "It's like a blanket fort. Did you ever make those when you were a kid?" His grin looks eerie in this lighting, but Minseok knows better.

"A few times," Minseok lies. He's never even heard of a blanket fort before, but he can guess, given the context. "How about you?"

"Same. I think it would be more fun with brothers or sisters, but my parents indulged me sometimes." Minseok imagines a smaller version of Lu Han hiding under blankets with his parents, which he can easily picture. Then he tries to imagine his childhood self doing something similar, but he can't. If he ever hid under anything, it was as part of a training exercise, to keep someone else from finding him.

It's better with the extra blanket, but Lu Han still wraps his arms around Minseok as they settle down to sleep. "Better now?" he asks, murmuring with words right into Minseok's ear.

"Yeah." As much as Minseok doesn't like being restrained like this, he doesn't mind as much as he once would have, if it's Lu Han. Besides, he's warm in Lu Han's arms despite the chill of the room. He usually waits until Lu Han falls asleep first, but just this once, Minseok relaxes and lets himself fall asleep, warm and snug in Lu Han's embrace.

 

Minseok wakes up early, as usual. They've shifted during the night so that he's lying on his back with Lu Han draped across his chest, and Minseok's right hand is cold where it's sticking out of the blankets. He pulls it back in, warming it against his stomach. It's strangely quiet in the dorm, which tells him that the power is still out, and at least the wind has stopped. He looks at the window, which he didn't cover last night, and from this angle, he can't see any snow falling.

Normally, he'd at least consider getting up and doing something with the hours until Lu Han wakes up, but there's no way he's going running in this weather, and it's too cold to be outside of his bed if he's not moving around. He tugs the blankets up and Lu Han shifts, snuggling more closely against Minseok. "All right," he whispers, although Lu Han's not likely to wake up. "I'll stay."

_Look at me,_ he thinks. _Cuddling in bed with my boyfriend._ This is decidedly nothing like a snowy day at School. Then again, Minseok's not at School anymore, and he won't be again, except maybe for short periods between missions or if he becomes a trainer. This is his life now, immersing himself in an identity and pretending to be someone's friend or boyfriend. It's all built on lies, but in moments like this, it does feel almost real. Now, especially, with Junmyeon far away, it would be easy to forget that it isn't real.

_Remember why you're here,_ he chides himself. _Remember who you are._ It's all right, just for a little while, to relax, but he's always going to be a Student above all else. Everything else, including Lu Han and this nice, quiet moment, will be gone soon enough.

Lu Han wakes up earlier than Minseok expects, given when they went to bed, sighing against Minseok's shoulder. "Good morning," Minseok says.

"Is the power back yet?" Lu Han mumbles sleepily.

"No, but I think the snow has stopped."

"Really?" Lu Han perks up, but it still takes him a little while to summon the energy to lift his head. When he does, he grins down at Minseok, stopping to drop a kiss on his cheek. "Do you want to go sledding? It would be the perfect time now, with not a lot of people around."

"Do you have a sled?" Minseok asks, perplexed.

"No, but weren't there some dining hall trays in the kitchen? You can use those."

Minseok is skeptical, but somehow he finds himself, once they've confirmed that the snow has stopped and had a quick breakfast of beef jerky and potato chips, venturing out to a hill at the far end of campus that Lu Han thinks would be good for sledding. The only sledding Minseok has done has been, of course, in a training context. He's well aware of the dangers of the activity and he thinks Lu Han is crazy for wanting to try it on a dining hall tray, and yet here he is.

No one else is there, either because it's early or because they're too sensible for this. "Nice, we've got the whole place to ourselves!" Lu Han declares. He's grinning, clearly excited.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Minseok asks, huddling into his scarf. He has a good, warm jacket, but his nose is freezing.

Lu Han laughs. "Not at all. But if we break anything, they'll probably have the roads cleared enough for an ambulance to get to us."

Minseok will be in so much trouble if he breaks anything, but he can't say that now without raising questions. "That's very comforting," he says instead.

"I'll go first, if you're chicken," Lu Han offers.

"Aren't you scared of heights?" Minseok asks. The hill they're planning to go down is pretty small, but it's not nothing.

"Shh, don't remind me." Lu Han seems so happy about this, and Minseok doesn't understand, but it makes him want to smile, somehow. "I'm just going to go before I lose my nerve." He sets the tray he's holding down near the end of the hill and sits on it. "Here I go." He yells all the way down, but he reaches the bottom without incident, running back up through the thick snow. "That was awesome!" he declares once he makes it back, out of breath. "Are you ready to try?"

Minseok is decidedly not ready. He's not _scared_ , because he would never be scared of something as silly as sliding down a hill on a tray, but his good judgment tells him this is risky. Despite that, he gives in, sitting on the tray and pushing off down the hill, his legs in the air as he sails down. The wind whistles in his ears and he thinks, _What are you doing?_ but it does actually feel good. Minseok is reminded again that he's only human, in the end, and an adrenaline rush feels as good to him as it does to anyone. 

He slogs back up the hill, feeling the snow soaking through his pants, and finds Lu Han grinning at him. "Wasn't that fun?"

"Yeah," he admits, truthfully. "It was."

They sled down the hill so many times Minseok loses count, mostly separately. They try once together and wipe out spectacularly, tumbling into an untouched drift and getting covered in snow. Lu Han laughs hysterically at that and Minseok finds himself joining in, flopping onto Lu Han and smiling into the slick fabric of his jacket. He's pretended to laugh so many times in the last few months, but this is real, surprised out of him before he knows what's happening. He's having _fun_ , and it's such an odd feeling to realize that that's something he can do.

Lu Han pulls Minseok up by his armpits and kisses him in between lingering giggles. "This is great," he says. "I'm glad you're here."

Minseok kisses back, forgetting for just one tiny moment about his mission and enjoying the moment with Lu Han. "Me too."

The power is back on when they return to the dorm, soaking wet and shivering. Minseok warms up in the shower and dresses in comfortable sweats, appreciating the return of heat to the dorm. Lu Han joins him once he's dressed and they sit on the bed together. There's no need to cuddle quite so close now that it's not so cold, but that doesn't stop Lu Han.

"Thanks for going along with me," Lu Han says, lips brushing the back of Minseok's neck.

"It was fun." Minseok tilts his head back and kisses Lu Han without thinking too hard about it.

Lu Han beams when they break apart, and Minseok doesn't think too hard about that either. "It was," he agrees.

 

Before Minseok knows it, the four weeks of vacation, which seemed so long going in, are over. It's hard to believe that soon he'll be back to work, so to speak, not because he doesn't want it but because he's never had a break like this before, a time with no training and no mission to think about. He enjoyed it, strange as it was, but he always knew it wouldn't last forever.

On Sunday before the start of the second semester, Minseok meets with Heechul to discuss the current state of his mission and plan for the months ahead. "Things have been quieter than we expected so far," Heechul tells him, "but don't let your guard down."

"Of course," Minseok says. He hasn't gone soft, just because he had some time off.

"See if you can get anything useful out of Junmyeon about his time in Korea. Even if he's as clueless as you say he is, he may have seen or heard something that will help us."

"I will."

Heechul stops talking and studies him, making Minseok wonder if he's done something wrong. He stands still and doesn't squirm as Heechul looks at him, waiting until he asks, unexpectedly casual, "How was your vacation?"

"I-it was good." Minseok stammers slightly in his surprise. "Strange. But good."

He's surprised to see Heechul smile, a seemingly genuine expression. "Good. We don't get a lot of times like that, so you might as well enjoy them when they happen. But it's over now, you know." He's looking at Minseok like he understands how easy it was to caught up in the moment and have fun, almost forgetting that his mission is the only thing that matters.

"I know," Minseok says, and he means it. He never truly forgot.


	6. Chapter 6

Minseok felt strange letting go of his responsibilities at the start of winter break, and it feels strange now to take them on again at the end. He's not opposed to doing so, but he needs to readjust. He's gotten spoiled in the last month, relaxing and not paying attention to the passage of time, even slacking off on his usual exercise routine. It's been nice, playing at being normal and not having responsibilities, but he's not here to enjoy himself. He needs to regain his focus on his mission and be prepared to face whatever the second half of the school year brings.

Classes change for second semester, but for Minseok, not by much. He's taking the second half of intro chemistry, although he's on his own for that. ("I'm done pretending I can do science," Lu Han told him when they registered for classes.) His Spanish class is also continuing with many of the same students. He's required to take a second freshman seminar, which is "coincidentally" with Junmyeon again, and surprisingly also Yixing. (That makes Minseok a little suspicious, but it could really be a coincidence; there are only so many seminar sections.) He has another English class (Post-1900 British Literature) with Junmyeon, but without Amber, who is sharing a different English class with Junmyeon.

The only significant difference is that Minseok doesn't bother signing up for a P.E. class, since Junmyeon isn't taking one. He's gotten in the habit of going to the gym with Lu Han in the afternoon, so he continues doing that a few days a week on top of his usual morning exercise. On Monday of the second week of classes, Minseok stops to pick up Lu Han to go to the gym, and Junmyeon says, "Hey, mind if I tag along?"

Minseok has to hold back from answering too enthusiastically. Of course he'd like Junmyeon to choose to be around him more; it makes keeping tabs on him so much easier. "Sure, if you want," he says casually.

"Want to get some nice muscles to impress your girlfriend?" Lu Han teases.

"You mean like all those nice muscles you're getting to impress your boyfriend?" Junmyeon retorts. (Lu Han has strong legs, from what Minseok has seen, but his upper body is slim, without the kind of sharply-defined muscles that are considered attractive. Lucky for him, Minseok doesn't care.)

"Shut up," Lu Han grumbles without much feeling.

Junmyeon grins, but he asks, "You don't mind? I don't want to be a third wheel."

"It's not a date," Lu Han says. "Just hurry up and get ready."

They wait while Junmyeon shoves some workout clothes into a bag and puts on a jacket, gloves, a scarf, a hat and warm socks. (Junmyeon, like Minseok, doesn't do well with cold, and unlike Minseok, he has no qualms about showing that weakness.) Lu Han laughs at him. "It's not that cold, and we're just walking to the gym."

"Mind your own business." Junmyeon finishes bundling up, and they head to the gym. (It is cold outside, and Minseok wishes he'd dressed more warmly.)

As Lu Han said, it's not a date, so they split up in the gym. Lu Han likes to run on a treadmill, while Minseok goes to the rowing machine after some warm-up stretches. Junmyeon considers before taking one of the stationary bikes. Minseok watches him out of the corner of his eye, analyzing. Junmyeon gives the impression of being scrawny, and the loose sweatshirt he's wearing now doesn't help, but Minseok has seen him shirtless and noted his unexpectedly broad shoulders. He's no more well-muscled than Lu Han, but he seems to be in good shape, biking energetically.

Having Junmyeon here means that Minseok needs to keep his focus, but not so much that he can't appreciate the good exercise. He doesn't _like_ working out—it's something he's so accustomed to doing that he can't think of it in those terms—but there's a certain feeling of satisfaction that comes with it, and the repetitive motions relax him. There's been a lot here in college, undercover, that's confusing and challenging for him, and he still feels out of his depth sometimes, but this is something he can count on, the strength and stamina and easy flexibility of his body.

He sees Junmyeon get up from the bike after a while, drink some water, stretch, and finally come over to Minseok. "You're a machine." Minseok gives him a questioning look without stopping, and Junmyeon elaborates, "You move so fast, and you never stop for a second, like you're not tired at all." He calls over to Lu Han on Minseok's other side, "Is he always like this?"

"Yeah." Lu Han is still running, but more slowly, breathing hard. "He makes me feel lazy. You should see him with the weights."

"Now I'm curious. But don't let me rush you." Junmyeon moves away again, stretching some more and swinging his arms and so on.

Minseok is a creature of habit, so he continues for the amount of time he usually does before stopping, shaking his hands out and getting to his feet. Lu Han, who is too stubborn to stop before Minseok does, turns off the treadmill and steps off, bending down to catch his breath. Minseok takes some time to stretch out and think about whether he's overdoing it in front of his friends. Lu Han seemed impressed with his strength during break, but Lu Han is easily impressed by many things Minseok does, so he didn't worry about it.

Now Junmyeon is commenting too, and Junmyeon doesn't think everything Minseok does is impressive. It's fine for Minseok's friends to know that he's in good shape, but not to the point where it seems unnatural, or at least out of the ordinary for someone who isn't an elite athlete. Junmyeon's not likely to be suspicious, but he could mention it to someone who would be and give away what Minseok is. He has to be careful what he shows.

It's too late to get out of it now, when Lu Han already knows what he's capable of, so he makes his way over to the weights, followed by Junmyeon and Lu Han. There are smaller free weights he could use, but Minseok knows that isn't what Lu Han meant, so he goes for one of the barbells, setting up what is hopefully a reasonable starting weight. He's not self-conscious about having Lu Han and Junmyeon watching him, but he is suddenly aware of every detail, from his easy familiarity with the set up to how much he lifts. It's not as though he's at Olympic levels, but he is very strong for a college student who doesn't participate in any kind of sports.

He hoists the bar up and does some squats, getting comfortable with the weight (a little less than he would start with if he wasn't being watched). After a brief rest, he lifts the bar over his head and does some more squats, then carefully sets the weights down before he turns to look at Lu Han and Junmyeon. Lu Han is wearing his usual impressed face, which is no surprise. 

"You're stronger than you look," Junmyeon says. He reaches out and gives Minseok's bicep a squeeze, making an exaggerated impressed face that looks a lot like Lu Han's. "You make it look so easy."

Minseok shrugs, hoping Junmyeon won't make a big deal of it. "Are you guys just going to watch me lift?"

"While I'm sure Han would love that..." Junmyeon pats Lu Han on the arm, and he makes a face but doesn't argue. "We're not going to get any stronger watching you. I'll be on the little weights feeling inadequate if you need me." He laughs at his joke before making his way over to the stacks of dumbbells.

"I do like watching you, though," Lu Han comments, keeping his voice low so no one else will hear. There's something...not flirty so much as seductive about his words, but then he ruins it with an awkward laugh. "Sorry. I'm going now." He goes over to join Junmyeon with the smaller weights.

Minseok continues with a slightly toned down version of his usual routine, in case anyone is watching. His mind drifts and lands on Lu Han saying that he likes to watch Minseok. It's not news that Lu Han is attracted to him—they wouldn't be dating if he wasn't—but Lu Han is too awkward to be good at seduction, or so Minseok assumes, since he hasn't overtly tried. He wonders if that will change, because Lu Han said that they don't need to have sex until they're ready, but he didn't say anything about not trying to convince Minseok.

When he stops for a brief rest, he glances over to where Lu Han and Junmyeon are talking while they lift. Lu Han is smiling, his eyes twinkling as they often do, and his arm muscles are shifting with each curl. If Minseok was a normal guy in a normal relationship, he would enjoy watching his boyfriend like this. As it is, Minseok doesn't know what he thinks. He looks at Lu Han's arms and thinks about how they feel wrapped around him and imagines that happening in a different situation, not just cuddling or kissing, but the two of them naked, bodies pressed against each other.

He gives up after only a moment, picking up the bar again. It's a useless exercise to try to understand what he thinks about Lu Han. Sex is so far out of his experience that he can't imagine it, and romance even more so. He gained a level of comfort with Lu Han that he wouldn't have thought possible over winter break, and enjoyed spending time with him, but that's all it is, enjoyment of a relatively carefree situation. Now that Junmyeon is back, it doesn't matter what Minseok likes or what he wants or what he thinks about Lu Han. He's here for a purpose, and nothing else matters.

 

Minseok has no idea what's happening when Baekhyun (of course) suggests a game of I've Never on a Saturday night when they're hanging out in the dorm, but in a group full of international students, that's not so surprising. Baekhyun explains the rules with a worrying degree of glee while the rest of them pour very strong drinks and take seats around the room. Lu Han raises his eyebrows at Minseok as he flops down next to him. "This should be interesting..."

The game starts off tame. "I've never been to California" leads to "I've never been to Korea," then China, then two more countries and four more American states before Junmyeon demands they move on to something else. 

"I've never been in a choir," Yixing says, forcing Jongdae, Baekhyun, Junmyeon and Krystal all to drink.

"I've never studied martial arts," is Jongdae's next contribution, along with sticking his tongue out at Baekhyun. Minseok takes a drink too, but waves off the questions that follow with "Only when I was little." (A lie, of course.)

The targeted but otherwise innocent topics ("I've never had a brother," "I've never gone to high school in the U.S.," "I've never taken American lit in college") continue for a little longer until Amber looks around the room with a mischievous twinkle in her eye and says, "I've never kissed a girl."

"I kissed a girl and I liked it," Baekhyun sings (no doubt some popular song Minseok doesn't know) before he takes a big drink. 

All the other guys drink, and no one will know he's lying, so Minseok does the same. The attention turns not on him but on Lu Han. "I thought you didn't like girls," Amber says.

"Well, no, but—"

"Do you know that from experience?" Baekhyun asks gleefully.

"Yes, but—"

"Just how much experience are we talking?" Yixing asks that in Mandarin, so Minseok has to pretend not to understand. Baekhyun immediately demands a translation, not wanting to be left out of any fun, but Yixing ignores him. Lu Han, for his part, ignores Yixing.

Jongdae is next in line, and he loudly cuts in, "I've never...gotten picked up from school because I couldn't stop crying for my mommy."

"It was daycare and I was three years old, asshole," Baekhyun protests. "I should never have told you that story. Why is everyone picking on me?"

"I think you know the answer to that," Junmyeon says dryly.

Baekhyun is up next, and Minseok expects him to strike back at Jongdae, but instead, he looks right at Lu Han, pausing for a long moment to make him sweat. "I've never slept with a guy."

Minseok glances over at Lu Han, seeing the shell of his ear turn red as he takes a drink. That's not a surprise to Minseok, although they haven't explicitly discussed it. When Minseok turns back to the circle, he realizes that everyone is looking at him. "What?" he asks, understanding a second too late that he was a target too; they assumed that he and Lu Han have already had sex. Minseok should have expected that, though there's not much he could have done about it when Lu Han would know if he lied. He's not embarrassed, but he doesn't want to stand out for not behaving as people would expect.

"Interesting!" Baekhyun crows. Junmyeon smacks his arm and he goes quiet, but the smug look remains on his face, telling Minseok he's not going to hear the end of this for a while. At least Baekhyun can be counted on to be too busy teasing to find it suspicious.

"What a brat," Lu Han mutters as everyone's attention shifts to Junmyeon, who's up next. "We'll have to get back at him somehow."

When it's Lu Han's turn, he narrows his eyes in Baekhyun's direction. " _I've_ never kicked my roommate out so I could have sex."

"Hey!" Junmyeon protests good-naturedly. Baekhyun doesn't seem to mind at all, raising his cup in a toast toward Lu Han before taking a drink.

"So much for that," Lu Han grumbles. "Got anything good?"

Minseok ponders for a moment. He should have something on Baekhyun, considering how much time they spend together and how much Baekhyun overshares. He studies Baekhyun, who must see something worrying in his expression, because his eyes go wide with half-joking fear. "I've never..." Minseok starts, and then he has an idea. "I've never sung and danced all the way through I Got A Boy in front of a mirror."

Jongdae bursts out laughing loudly and can't seem to stop, smacking Baekhyun on the shoulder as he doubles over. "You've got a boy, do you?" Junmyeon teases, snickering.

"No, I have beautiful idol girls!" Baekhyun retorts, making Jongdae laugh even louder. He's pretty flustered by Baekhyun standards, so it seems that Minseok picked a good target.

Lu Han is laughing too, his kpop knowledge apparently good enough to see the humor. The joke is lost on the other non-Koreans, even Krystal, but they can appreciate Baekhyun's embarrassment and Jongdae's over-the-top reaction.

"You're so mean, roomie," Baekhyun whines. "I don't tell everyone about your embarrassing secrets."

"What embarrassing secrets?" Minseok asks. It's not a joke; he's not easy to embarrass, and he doesn't think he's done anything in front of Baekhyun that would merit embarrassing anyway.

"You're no fun," Baekhyun grumbles.

By the time the game ends, everyone but Minseok is so drunk that any and all comments are hilarious. This drinking game takes a little longer than some Minseok's played, but the end result is always the same. It's gotten late, so the group starts to disperse soon after. Junmyeon follows Krystal back to her room (probably just to sleep at this point), so there's nothing stopping Lu Han from returning to his, but he hangs back. "Are you coming or am I sleeping alone tonight?" Baekhyun asks when Minseok hesitates to leave.

"You always sleep alone," Minseok points out. "But no, not right now."

Baekhyun leaves without a snide comment for once. He's the last one out, so that leaves Minseok alone with Lu Han. Lu Han is visibly drunk, even standing still, but there's something more serious in his eyes. Minseok braces for a Conversation. Sure enough, Lu Han asks, "Do you mind?"

"That everyone knows we haven't had sex?" Lu Han nods, not quite meeting Minseok's eyes. "No. Do you?"

"Not if you don't." Minseok's not sure he believes it, but he sees no reason to push. It looks like Lu Han still wants to say something, so he waits. "Do you mind that I have? Had sex, I mean. Not with you."

"Obviously." Lu Han makes a face, an unattractive one that makes Minseok smile. "No, I don't. I don't get jealous."

"No, you don't." Lu Han almost sounds disappointed, but then he smiles. "I'm ready for bed. Want to come with me or am I sleeping alone tonight?"

That makes Minseok smile again, and when did it become so easy for Lu Han to make him do that? "After the way Baekhyun was tonight, he deserves to sleep alone. You I still like."

Lu Han grins and, predictably, wraps an arm around Minseok so they can walk together. Minseok finds, as they head off down the hall, that he doesn't mind that either.

 

Three weeks into the new semester, Junmyeon shows up late and alone to dinner on Thursday night, setting down his tray and plopping into a chair before he announces, "We broke up."

"You and Krystal?" Jongdae asks.

"What happened?" Baekhyun adds without waiting for an answer.

"I don't want to talk about it." Junmyeon looks uncharacteristically glum, eyes fixed on his tray.

"So she dumped you?" Baekhyun asks, as tactful as ever.

"Hey, now, leave him alone," Yixing chides.

"It's fine." Junmyeon smiles, a little grimly, but already looking more like himself. He's good at that, for someone who's not an undercover agent. "It's not a big, blowout, we-can-never-see-each-other-again kind of thing. We just broke up, that's all. We'll try not to make it awkward for all of you." He looks around the table, gaze lingering on Amber. That makes sense, when Minseok thinks about it; Krystal is her roommate, so if it comes down to taking sides, it wouldn't be surprising for her to choose Krystal over Junmyeon.

"We'll never forgive you, of course," Jongdae says cheerfully. He's sitting next to Junmyeon, so he rubs his back comfortingly, and Junmyeon's smile turns less grim.

After dinner (during which they very deliberately don't talk about Junmyeon and Krystal's breakup), Minseok follows Lu Han and Junmyeon back to their room. Now that he and Lu Han don't share any classes, they don't study together, but Minseok still spends a lot of time there. Lu Han likes having him around and Junmyeon doesn't mind, and it suits Minseok's purposes well. Tonight, though, he wonders if it's rubbing it in for Lu Han to have his boyfriend over when Junmyeon just broke up with his girlfriend.

Lu Han must be thinking the same thing because he doesn't cling to Minseok the way he normally would, just sits next to him on his bed, their legs and arms touching. Junmyeon slumps onto his own bed, arms spread out at his sides. He doesn't say anything, but it looks like he might want to, so Minseok asks, "Do you want to talk about it now?"

Junmyeon and Lu Han both seem surprised by the question, probably because Minseok's usually not the type to ask about anyone's feelings. "There's nothing much to talk about," Junmyeon says after a moment. "She said it felt like there wasn't anything there anymore, and...maybe she's right, I don't know. If I didn't feel strongly enough to argue, she's probably right. Either way, I'm not going to try to hold onto her if she doesn't want to be with me." He smiles, and it doesn't seem forced this time. "We did get together really quickly, you know. It's probably better for us both to see who else is out there. It's not like there's a lack of options here, right?"

"Right!" Lu Han says loudly, always a little too eager to move on from any sad or awkward conversation. "Just don't start bringing a different girl home every night and kicking me out, okay?"

That makes Junmyeon laugh. "I'll try not to do it _every_ night. But maybe every other."

They all laugh at that, and Minseok doesn't even have to remind himself to do it.

 

Minseok doesn't spend a lot of time alone with Junmyeon anymore what with at least one of their group of friends and especially Lu Han always being around, but one day, lunch with Jongdae, Junmyeon and Lu Han dwindles down to just Minseok and Junmyeon after Jongdae leaves for class and Lu Han for a review session. Minseok is finished eating, but Junmyeon isn't, so he lingers over some coffee to keep Junmyeon company.

They talk about their shared classes and various other things until there's a brief lull in the conversation and Junmyeon says, "Can I ask you something?" His smile is steadfastly polite, making Minseok think that what he's about to ask is not so polite. "It's none of my business, I know, but I wouldn't feel right if I didn't say something. Do you like Han?"

"Do I what?" Minseok isn't expecting the question at all. Maybe he would have at the beginning, but not now, when he and Lu Han are practically joined at the hip.

"It's just...he's so easy to read that anyone could see how much he likes you, but you're a lot more reserved. I thought it was just your personality, not showing how you feel, but I've been thinking. Not, of course, that there's anything wrong with waiting to have sex if you're both okay with it, but I thought that maybe you were waiting because you weren't sure about Han."

This is a strange conversation to be having in the dining hall, thought at least Junmyeon's speaking Korean so fewer people would be able to understand, if they're even listening. Minseok is no expert, but he thinks this is a strange conversation to be having with his boyfriend's roommate, period, isn't it?

As if he knows what Minseok is thinking, Junmyeon continues, "I'm sorry to pry. Like I said, it's none of my business, but Han is a really good guy and he likes you a lot. I doubt he'd ever ask you this himself, so I thought someone should. I also remember how bad you were at extracting yourself from the situation when people flirted with you at parties, so I wanted to make sure you didn't feel stuck here. It would hurt Han if you broke up with him, but it's better to do that now than to string him along."

Minseok wonders now how much of this conversation is about him and Lu Han and how much is about Junmyeon and Krystal. That would be an awkward question to ask, and he's not one to dive into awkward situations like Junmyeon, so he lets it go. The more important issue here is how to respond to Junmyeon to convince him that Minseok's feelings for Lu Han are real, and that he's not stringing him along or sticking with him because he doesn't know how to get out. Minseok has to lie, of course, but he has to make it convincing.

"You don't need to worry. It's nothing like that." He doesn't think that's enough, so he adds, "The thing is, I've never really dated before. I was an awkward kid, and I had other things to focus on, you know? So I'm still figuring all this out, including..." He lowers his voice. "Including sex. But it's not because I don't like Lu Han."

Junmyeon considers him for a moment, then nods, a smile spreading over his face. "Okay. That's all I wanted to know. I'm sorry for being a busybody."

"That's okay." They move on to talking about their English paper due on Friday, but Minseok keeps thinking about the conversation. He's tried not to dwell on the way he's using Lu Han, especially in light of how much Lu Han obviously likes him, but it's hard to ignore. Lu Han is so good to him, so encouraging, so careful of how he treats Minseok, and Minseok is repaying him by lying and leading him on. After three months, his feelings of guilt haven't gone away at all; he's only grown accustomed to them.

There's nothing to be done for it. Dating Lu Han has done for him exactly what he wanted it to, giving him more access to Junmyeon's room and helping him fit in without having to flirt with and maybe even pick up strangers. If it's also made guilt, which he'd never experienced before, become a familiar feeling, well, that can't be helped. This has always been about much more than Lu Han and his feelings, and Minseok's too. He can only hope that, when his mission is concluded and he leaves, Lu Han will be all right.

 

The next holiday in the seemingly endless stream of holidays used to sell cards and provide excuses for parties is Valentine's Day. "Valentine's Day is a big deal here, huh?" Lu Han comments one day when they're going shopping in town, eyeing the massive display of Valentine's-themed chocolates. He looks at Minseok with a slightly uncertain smile. "Should we do something to celebrate? Go out to dinner?"

Minseok shrugs. The thought of going out for some romantic dinner in a restaurant full of couples doesn't appeal at all. He suspects Lu Han might like it, but he'll try to avoid it if he can. "We could just buy ourselves a box of chocolate?" he suggests. 

"We could." Lu Han's face twists into a thoughtful expression. "Maybe a big box so we can give a few to Junmyeon."

"Pity chocolates?" Minseok asks.

Lu Han laughs. "Basically, but don't say that to his face. It's just no fun to get dumped right before Valentine's Day."

"Do you have experience with that?" Minseok asks as they look through the selection of chocolates. It's not important, but he is a little curious.

"Not unless you're planning to dump me soon," Lu Han answers. He follows it up with a very awkward laugh, and Minseok has to smile.

"No plans," he assures Lu Han. There's no reason for him to break up with Lu Han now, when things are going well.

"Good." Lu Han picks out a large box of assorted chocolates. "How about this one?" Minseok has no idea what the difference is between all these boxes, so he barely looks before he nods. "All right, then. What else do we need?"

They don't wait until Valentine's Day, breaking out the chocolates as soon as they get back to the dorm. "Here, we got you a present," Lu Han says, handing the box to Junmyeon.

Junmyeon frowns at the box, wrapped in shiny red paper with a pattern of hearts. "For Valentine's Day?"

"Yeah." Lu Han laughs. "We actually got it for all of us to share. We thought it might cheer you up."

"Who says I need cheering up?" Junmyeon messily rips off the wrapping paper and tosses it onto the floor.

"Nobody, but I'd be pretty depressed if I got dumped so close to Valentine's Day."

Junmyeon raises his eyebrows at Lu Han. "Thanks, you're really helping."

Lu Han grimaces. "Sorry, I'm bad at this." He gestures at Minseok. "You talk."

Minseok isn't any better at comforting, but he has to try. "What Lu Han is trying to say is that we're here for you. With chocolate."

That makes Junmyeon laugh, so he must be doing something right. "Thanks." He gets the box open and chooses a piece of chocolate before offering it to Minseok and Lu Han. "Do you guys have any Valentine's Day plans?"

Lu Han looks at Minseok, who flounders. "We haven't decided yet," he says, not missing the flash of hope in Lu Han's eyes. It looks like he's going to have to go on this date or raise suspicion about his feelings for Lu Han.

"You should go out!" Junmyeon declares. "Have a nice dinner. Not stay in or go to a party with your pathetically single roommate."

"You're not pathetic!" Lu Han protests. "It's not like none of your friends are single."

Junmyeon sighs heavily and pops another chocolate into his mouth. "Can I say something that is kind of pathetic?"

"Go for it," Lu Han says. Then, quickly, "But I'm sure it's not pathetic."

Junmyeon sighs again, a little less dramatically, and thinks for a moment before he says, "I went to a fancy private high school and there were a lot of rich kids there, but my family was one of the richer ones. People liked that, and I can't deny that part of the reason my high school girlfriends liked me was because I could treat them, and because they thought I'd be a bigshot CEO someday."

Minseok doesn't know where this story is going, and he's not sure he cares, but it's Junmyeon, so he has to listen, just in case he says something important. Besides, he can't not pay attention when it's just the three of them.

"Krystal doesn't—didn't think like that. I did spoil her a little, but not much, and she didn't care that my dad's a CEO or that I don't want to be one. She told me she thinks I'd be a good teacher. Meanwhile, my dad doesn't even know that that's what I want to do. I felt like Krystal supported me, and she loved me the way I am, without conditions, but...I guess I was wrong." Junmyeon goes for his third chocolate as soon as he finishes talking.

Minseok is relieved when Lu Han speaks up, sparing him the effort of finding an appropriate response. "You said it wasn't a bad break-up with Krystal, right? So I'm sure she's still hoping you can do what you want. And it's not the same, but your friends support you, you know, whatever you want to do. We're here for you."

"With chocolate," Minseok adds. It seems like he's getting the hang of joking because Junmyeon laughs again.

"Thanks, guys. Sorry about the moping. I'll make it up to you." He looks at Minseok and grins. "With chocolate."

They all laugh this time. "Don't worry about it," Lu Han says. "But I won't say no to chocolate."

 

Minseok is hoping Lu Han will forget about their still hypothetical Valentine's date, but he's not at all surprised when Lu Han brings it up the following evening. "Do you want to go for Valentine's Day dinner? Or we can go another night when things are less busy, but it could be fun, don't you think? We never go out to nice places."

There's no good reason Minseok can think of to give for saying no. There are good reasons for him to say no—leaving Junmyeon unattended at a party, the potential for awkward emotional conversations—but there's no excuse he can give Lu Han without raising too many questions. Smiling to cover his reluctance, he says, "Sure. It'll be fun for a change."

Lu Han looks thrilled, and also, Minseok thinks, a little surprised. "Great! Do you mind if I choose a place?"

"No, go ahead." Minseok is perfectly happy to leave the planning of his first romantic dinner to Lu Han. He thinks he can count on Lu Han not to make it _too_ cheesily romantic, but he'll need to be prepared, just in case.

On Friday evening, Minseok dresses for his date in the one pair of nice pants he has, and one of his two nice shirts (light blue instead of plain white). Baekhyun sits on his bed and makes annoying comments, as usual. "Is Han coming over here to pick you up? I want to see his face when he sees how nice you clean up."

"I guess." Minseok finishes buttoning up his shirt and adjusts the sleeves. They're a little too long for him, and it probably looks childish, but he doubts Lu Han will care. Minseok never puts much effort into his appearance and Lu Han doesn't seem to mind.

"It's so cute, you guys going out on your first real date. I can't believe it's taken so long." Baekhyun sounds gleeful, which is never a good sign.

"We went on dates," Minseok answers. "We spent all of winter break together. Just not _nice_ dates."

"Sure, whatever you say. Is a nice date what it's going to take for you to finally put out?" Minseok gives him a cool look, and Baekhyun hastily backtracks. "Sorry, that was dumb." Out of the corner of his eye, Minseok sees Baekhyun turn serious, which is potentially an even worse sign. "You know I'm not big on talking about feelings, but I have to ask: is there some reason you guys aren't having sex? Like you think it's wrong or something?"

"You mean do I think having sex is wrong?" Minseok was dreading another conversation like the one with Junmyeon, but this is awkward in a different way.

Baekhyun shrugs. "I know some people think sex before marriage is wrong, or sex between guys is wrong."

"Would I be dating Lu Han if I thought homosexuality was wrong?" Minseok understands what Baekhyun is getting at, but he's not religious, so there's no reason for him to think like that. As far as he's concerned, sex is just sex, neither right nor wrong regardless of who is having it.

"Hey, what do I know?" Baekhyun holds his hands up defensively, but his tone is lighter now.

"What's the big deal if we haven't had sex yet?" Minseok just wants to go on his awkward romantic dinner date, not preface it with an awkward conversation with his roommate.

"Nothing. It's cool, whatever works for you." He considers for a moment and then asks, "Is it your first time?"

"Yes." Minseok catches Baekhyun looking surprised, probably less at his answer than at how easily he gave it. "So?"

"Nothing. But for what it's worth, if Han knows, he'll probably be super careful to make it good for you. So don't be scared, or whatever." Baekhyun wrinkles his nose, embarrassed by his own words.

This conversation makes Minseok feel like squirming, and it's not because he's embarrassed. It's guilt again, knowing Baekhyun's right. Somehow, without really trying, Minseok has gotten Lu Han to be almost protective of him, when he really doesn't need protecting at all. If anything, he should be looking after Lu Han, who isn't weak, but is a little naïve, with all those feelings Minseok can't understand.

When Minseok hasn't responded after a few seconds, Baekhyun barrels on, "Anyway, have fun. Forget about sex. I mean, unless you want to think about sex." He laughs loudly. "I should shut up, huh?"

"Yes," Minseok agrees. Then, on a whim, he adds, "But thanks. For worrying about me. You don't need to, though."

"I just want our little Minseokie to be happy." Baekhyun sniffles and wipes an imaginary tear away from his eye. Minseok rolls his eyes and pointedly turns his back on Baekhyun, who laughs.

There's a knock on the door then, and Minseok is relieved to have a concrete end to the conversation. He opens the door to Lu Han, who does indeed look pleased with Minseok's appearance, a surprised smile lighting up his face. "Hi. You, um..." He darts a glance over at Baekhyun but still finishes, "You look nice. Really nice."

"Thanks," Minseok says. "You too." Minseok's not a good judge, but he thinks it's probably true. Lu Han's wearing a dark red shirt with black pants, and he's even wearing a black tie, his hair carefully styled, much more put together than usual.

Lu Han beams in response. Minseok thinks he hears Baekhyun making gagging noises, but he ignores him. He slips on his shoes and grabs his coat, along with a scarf and hat. "See you later," he says, waving in Baekhyun's direction without looking back. (Baekhyun will be going to a party later, and Minseok expects he'll be looking for a Valentine's "date.")

"Have a good time! Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" Lu Han laughs at that. Minseok just closes the door on Baekhyun.

"Was he giving you a hard time?" Lu Han asks. "He seems like the type to hate anything as cheesy as romantic dates."

Minseok shrugs. "He's probably a softie underneath." He doesn't tell Lu Han about the earlier conversation, happy to leave it behind.

Without a car and in the middle of winter, it's a bit of a production to get into town for dinner. They walk carefully on iced over snow to the bus stop. They deliberately left early, but there are still quite a few people waiting for the bus, all couples dressed up for Valentine's Day dinners. They ride the bus into town, followed by a ten-minute walk (in the current conditions) to a somewhat out of the way restaurant. It's already dark, and the wind is picking up. Minseok huddles into his scarf, and Lu Han puts an arm around him.

Inside the restaurant, though, it's warm, with low lighting that Minseok assumes is supposed to be romantic. As they settle at a table, Minseok thinks that Baekhyun is right in saying that he and Lu Han have never been on a real date. They've spent plenty of time together, but they've never made a romantic production of it. Minseok has of course never been on a date with anyone else, so he supposes it's another new experience for him. He's not sure what to make of it, especially considering the circumstances of his relationship with Lu Han.

Despite the setting and their nice clothes, being with Lu Han on a proper date is not much different from all the other time Minseok has spent with Lu Han. They talk about school and their friends, whether Junmyeon will pick someone up at a party tonight and how well Jongdae is charming his relatively new girlfriend on their date. They talk about the weather, and how much longer winter is going to stick around. They talk about how hard it is to believe that they've been in college for almost 6 months. 

And then, out of the blue, Lu Han says, "I've never been on a date on Valentine's Day before."

"No?" Minseok asks neutrally. "But you have dated before, right?" He knows Lu Han has had sex before, but that doesn't require dating.

"Yeah, but..." Lu Han's shoulders do a thing that's half shrug and half awkward squirming. "We were pretty sneaky, me and the guy I dated in high school. We did stuff together, but nothing fancy."

"You only dated one guy?" Minseok's a little surprised by that, though Lu Han did say he hadn't dated that much.

Lu Han grimaces, and Minseok wonders why until he explains, "I tried to date girls a couple of times before that. It didn't go very well. And I, um..." Lu Han warily looks around. "I...went out with people a couple of other times, but it wasn't really _dating._ "

"I see." That's probably not the best response, but Minseok isn't sure what would be. Is he supposed to be jealous of the people Lu Han was with before? But they've already established that he doesn't get jealous, so there's no reason to pretend.

Lu Han wrinkles his nose, embarrassed. "I don't know why I'm telling you this. Valentine's Day is probably not the time to talk about exes. I guess I just wanted you to know that this is special to me. That is...you're special. To me." His ears are red enough to see even with the dim lighting. Minseok focuses on that so he doesn't have to think too hard about what Lu Han is saying. He's relieved when Lu Han barrels on, "Sorry, I'm being cheesy. Ignore me."

Minseok shakes his head, even though he'd very much like to ignore what Lu Han said. It would be so much easier, he thinks, if Lu Han didn't care so much. "It's okay." He pastes the biggest smile he can convincingly manage onto his face. "I'm glad we came. It's nice to go on a real date for a change."

That seems to be enough to satisfy Lu Han, who beams at Minseok. "Good. I'm glad."

They pass the rest of the meal with light conversation, to Minseok's relief. Once Minseok relaxes and stops worrying that Lu Han is going to get cheesy again, it is nice, honestly. Minseok feels guilty about deceiving Lu Han, and also about being here instead of back on campus with Junmyeon, but not so guilty that he can't enjoy himself. The food is good and it doesn't feel like an effort to keep the conversation going and Lu Han makes him smile, sometimes intentionally and sometimes just by being himself. Being undercover is not, of course, about enjoying himself, but that doesn't mean he can't, does it? (In all his training, that's not a question that ever came up.)

Minseok is simultaneously disappointed and relieved when they get up to leave. It's colder outside now, and Lu Han doesn't wait for Minseok to show that he's cold to put an arm around him. "I do like this part of winter a little bit," Lu Han comments, then laughs self-consciously. "I guess you probably don't."

Minseok smiles even though it's hidden by his scarf. "It's not all bad." Minseok's duty is to protect Junmyeon, and to protect other people in the future. He doesn't need anyone to protect or take care of him, but that doesn't mean he minds having Lu Han's arm around him. It feels...comfortable. Secure. It almost feels like he could get used to, but he can't let that happen. Minseok doesn't have the luxury of needing anyone but himself. He pushes that thought aside for now, since it only makes him feel colder.

Lu Han kisses Minseok goodnight outside of his dorm room, without any hint that he'd like to do more than kiss. "Thanks for coming out with me. I had fun."

"Me too." Minseok smiles. "Happy Valentine's Day."

Lu Han grins back at him. "Happy Valentine's Day." With one more kiss, he heads off to his room. Minseok goes into his room and finds it dark; Baekhyun must still be out partying. He sits on the edge of his bed and presses his lips together, recalling the first time Lu Han kissed him. It's only been three months, but it feels like a long time ago. He's gotten used to kissing Lu Han, and he doesn't know how to feel about that. He doesn't want to feel anything about it, nor should he.

With a frustrated sigh, Minseok pulls out his phone and opens up the tracker, which tells him that Junmyeon is out partying and not going anywhere. He looks at the dot representing Junmyeon and sighs again, more quietly. There's no use in thinking about kissing or dates or the way Lu Han's arm feels around him. This is what he's here for, to watch over Junmyeon, and nothing more. 

 

Spring break is still a month away when Minseok comes back to his room one evening to find Baekhyun and Jongdae looking at something on Baekhyun's computer. "Hey, Minseok! What do you think about experiencing a real American spring break?" Baekhyun gestures at his laptop screen, where there's a picture of a beach that tells Minseok nothing about what a real American spring break involves.

"What do you mean?" he asks warily.

"Drinking! Parties! Drinking! Beaches! Drinking! Girls!" There's a hint of wryness to Jongdae's words, like he already suspects that Minseok won't be interested. "Obviously you won't be going for the girls, but the partying sounds fun, don't you think? So many people go."

Parties with even more people than usual sound exactly like what Minseok _wouldn't_ want, but he doesn't want to come straight out and say that. "Are you going?" he asks instead. If it's just Baekhyun and Jongdae who are going, it doesn't matter to Minseok, but if Junmyeon ends up going with them, he'll have to go too. He really hopes they don't talk Junmyeon into it; keeping tabs on him in large crowds full of drunken strangers sounds like it would be a serious challenge.

"That's the plan," Baekhyun says. "But we're still underage, so we have to convince our parents without talking about all that drinking. It's easy for Jongdae since his parents don't know any better, but I'm not sure about mine. Do you think your parents would let you?"

Minseok's nonexistent parents obviously don't care, but Heechul and the higher ups would let him go—or more accurately make him go—if Junmyeon is going. Otherwise, it's not happening, which suits Minseok just fine. He shrugs noncommittally. "Maybe. Did you invite anyone else?"

"Not yet. Once we get parental approval, we'll see who wants to join us." Jongdae makes a face. "If we get parental approval, that is."

"I guess I'll see, then," Minseok says, really hoping this won't pan out.

 

The following week, Minseok is having lunch with Baekhyun, Junmyeon and Yixing when Baekhyun asks, "So, any spring break plans?" The glint in his eyes tells Minseok that he got his approval.

"Is this about your plans with Jongdae?" Yixing asks blandly.

"He told you already?" Baekhyun looks displeased that Jongdae stole his thunder.

"What plans are these?" Junmyeon asks.

"Party spring break!" Baekhyun declares. "Are you in?"

Junmyeon raises a skeptical eyebrow. "As fun as that sounds, I have other plans."

This is news to Minseok, so he turns his full attention to the conversation. "What are you up to that's worth missing the party for?" Baekhyun asks.

"It's not really a question of being worth it," Junmyeon says dryly. "My dad's going to Boston on a business trip and he suggested that I join him. 'Suggested,'" he amends after a moment.

Minseok is relieved that this means he won't have to go party all break, but he may have to find an excuse to go to Boston. He'll have to ask Heechul if he should tail Junmyeon or if they'll find another way to keep tabs on him.

"You're no fun," Baekhyun grumbles, but he doesn't push more than that; he knows better than to expect Junmyeon to defy his father for frivolous spring break plans. Instead, he turns on Yixing and Minseok, "What about you guys? Come on, it'll be fun."

"I'm probably going to travel with my cousin, sorry," Yixing says. He doesn't sound sorry at all.

Baekhyun looks at Minseok, hopeful but also clearly aware that the odds aren't good. "Sorry, not this time," Minseok says. He doesn't bother trying to sound sorry either. "Not my scene and I can't afford it."

Baekhyun sighs melodramatically. " _Fine._ Jongdae and I will just go alone, since there's no way Han will come without you. But just wait, you'll all be so sorry you missed it when we tell you how fun it was."

Junmyeon just laughs. "I'm sure we will. But try not to get arrested for underage drinking while you're out having fun, okay?"

"Sure, _dad_ ," Baekhyun retorts.

 

That weekend, Minseok talks to Heechul about whether he should follow Junmyeon over spring break, and he's not as surprised this time when Heechul tells him to stay on campus. "There's another Student finishing up a mission not far away. I'll ask that he be assigned to tail Junmyeon, since he can get closer without arousing suspicion. We'll call you in if there's a need for back-up, but I don't expect there will be with Junmyeon's father's security on hand."

With that taken care of, they move on to discussing the immediate situation. It concerns both Minseok and Heechul that, at this point in the school year, Organization X has made no obvious move on Junmyeon. There are several possible explanations. First, that the threat against him was overestimated from the beginning and no one came after Junmyeon at all, or if they did, they intended to do no more than pump him for information that he doesn't have. Second, that operatives did get close to Junmyeon, but they decided that he was of no use to them and left him alone. Third, that Organization X is playing a long game, getting close to Junmyeon and setting up for taking advantage of him in the future.

There have been a few suspicious incidents, like Daniel at the Halloween party, where people got close enough to Junmyeon in public for Minseok to be concerned, but nothing concrete. Minseok can't be sure if those were real attempts, either to get information from Junmyeon or worse, or if he was just reading too much into the situation. There's also no way of knowing if Junmyeon had other such encounters when Minseok wasn't around. Obviously he hasn't been kidnapped, but it would have been easy for someone to ask him about his father's company.

"It may well turn out that no one ever does anything but talk to him," Heechul tells Minseok, "which if you're right about him not having any useful information is fine by us. On the other hand, he may give away key information without realizing it, so be careful of that. And don't assume that the threat is gone until our intel says so. They may simply be waiting for the right time."

"Of course," Minseok says.

Junmyeon rarely mentions his dad's work and Minseok never hears anyone push him to talk about it, so there seems to be little danger there. As far as more overt threats (most likely kidnapping Junmyeon for use as a hostage, if anything), Minseok can't do anything except stay alert when he's around Junmyeon and keep an eye on the tracker as much as he can when they're not together. Heechul watches the tracker too, and he'll let Minseok know if he spots any suspicious activity.

It's only two days after that conversation with Heechul, so perhaps that's why Minseok is particularly on guard for threats when he goes the gym with Junmyeon and Lu Han. They've just entered the building when he notices a guy looking at them. Junmyeon and Lu Han are talking and don't see him, and Minseok pretends he doesn't either, but he keeps an eye on the man. He looks like he belongs here, wearing sweats and a t-shirt and carrying a jacket, but that means nothing. It would be easy for an operative to figure out their gym schedule and be here at the right time.

The man doesn't follow them, but Minseok stays alert all the same. He can't be too obvious about it, not when Lu Han and Junmyeon know his routine and will be surprised if he deviates from it, but he'll have to stick close to Junmyeon as much as he can. It's not that he thinks someone's going to attack Junmyeon—the gym is too public, and he's of no use to anyone dead—but someone could easily talk to him, and there's a small chance that they could snatch him.

Minseok's been on the rowing machine for ten minutes when the man comes into the room. He chooses an elliptical in the corner, nowhere near Junmyeon, but Minseok catches him glancing over, a smile on his lips. He glances over several more times, never for long, but enough to make Minseok suspicious. What is this guy up to? He has nothing to gain just from looking at Junmyeon, but maybe he's plotting his approach. That doesn't explain the smile, though; from what Minseok can see, he doesn't look malicious, just amused.

He thinks about asking Junmyeon when he gets up from the rowing machine. Maybe this man is someone Junmyeon knows, waiting to be noticed instead of saying something first, for whatever reason. On the other hand, Minseok doesn't want to call Junmyeon's attention to him if it's not someone he knows. He also doesn't want to look paranoid, if he's reading too much into the situation. How strange would it look for him to notice someone just glancing at his friend? He doubts most people would pay enough attention for that.

Before he can make up his mind, the man leaves the room again. Minseok wonders if he is just being paranoid, reading too much into a few random glances that only look like they're at Junmyeon. With his thoughts focused on that, he jumps when Lu Han pokes him in the shoulder once he moves over to the weights. "What's up? You look so serious today."

Minseok forces himself to smile. "Thinking about my English paper," he lies. "I guess I need to work harder so my mind can't wander."

The man doesn't show up again, and Minseok has started to let his guard down, just a little, by the time they hit the showers. He's always the first one out, but he showers even faster today to make sure he can watch out for any threat to Junmyeon. Lu Han comes out first, and then Junmyeon, both of them cheerfully unaware of any potential threat, as always. Minseok would envy them their innocence, if jealousy was an emotion he understood. As it is, he just hopes they'll be able to remain unaware.

And then, as Minseok is drying his hair, he sees the man coming around the row of lockers behind Junmyeon, sneaking up quickly. There's a smile on his face that makes him look non-threatening, but Minseok can't assume that. He drops his towel and prepares to spring but doesn't move immediately, aware that doing so in front of Lu Han and Junmyeon will raise a lot of questions he's not sure he can answer. Before he can make the decision to take the man down, he stops just behind Junmyeon and yells, "Boo!"

Junmyeon jumps a mile and smacks his hand into the locker door as he tries to turn around quickly. "Who—hey, Nick, you asshole!" He starts laughing, which tells Minseok all he needs to know; if this man, Nick, is a threat, he's not a new or imminent one. Minseok forces himself to relax and smile, hopefully convincingly, at Junmyeon's reaction. (Lu Han is laughing hard, as he tends to do when Junmyeon embarrasses himself.)

"You're so clueless, James," Nick says, giving Junmyeon a friendly smack on the shoulder. ( _Not a threat,_ Minseok reminds himself.) "I saw you right when you came in and I was there for like fifteen minutes when you were on the bike. I was starting to think you were ignoring me on purpose."

"No, just focused," Junmyeon says ruefully. He pauses to finish pulling on his shirt, which he only got one arm into, before turning to Lu Han and Minseok. "This is Nick. He's in my anthro class, and as you can see, he enjoys seeing me suffer as much as all my friends do. Nick, this is my roommate Han and...does anyone actually call you Michael?"

"Not really." Minseok has enough to keep straight without remembering to respond to a common name that isn't his.

"Minseok, then. Don't worry: nobody else can pronounce it either." Junmyeon grins.

"Nice to meet you guys." Nick shakes both their hands as Lu Han and Minseok return the greeting. "Anyway, I should go shower. See you around."

"I'll keep a better eye out for you next time," Junmyeon says dryly.

They finish getting dressed and head back to the dorm without further incident, and Minseok wonders if he should be suspicious of Nick or if he's really just a nice guy who wanted to prank a friend. He wonders if all the people he's suspected were just normal people who were trying to be friendly or coincidentally happened to be too close to Junmyeon. How is he supposed to know the difference before someone acts? It didn't sound so difficult when he was briefed on his mission, but clearly he was naïve to think all threats would be obvious.

_If something is going to happen, I wish it would just happen already,_ he thinks for one fleeting moment, then chides himself for the reckless thought. He may be better prepared to deal with overt threats than surreptitious ones, but he needs to learn how to handle both. That's what he's here for, to shield Junmyeon and protect Korea's interests, whatever it takes. He'd like to prove himself, but he's not here to earn glory. While it may be boring and somewhat unnerving for Minseok to keep waiting for a threat that never materializes, it's better if Organization X never comes near Junmyeon. With two and a half months of the school year to go, he should hope that's the case.


	7. Chapter 7

Every professor schedules a test or a paper right before spring break, and while Minseok can finish his work quickly enough, his friends are all extremely busy and stressed out. That makes Minseok's job easier, because Junmyeon spends a lot of time safely in his room. Lu Han is always happy to have Minseok over, even if they're both studying, so Minseok spends a lot of time there. There's nothing for him to protect Junmyeon from at his desk, but Minseok still likes to be around and see that he's okay.

Thursday night sees some of Minseok's friends pulling all nighters (including Baekhyun, who keeps Minseok up half the night with his inability to stay quiet), but they all make it through somehow. Baekhyun and Jongdae leave on Friday afternoon, and Amber and Yixing say goodbye that night since they're leaving early the following morning. By Saturday, only Junmyeon, Lu Han and Minseok are left.

Junmyeon's dad is coming to pick him up a little later on Saturday, and even though he has his room to himself, Minseok makes sure to be in Lu Han and Junmyeon's room to meet him. He doesn't expect to be able to get anything useful out of Junmyeon's father, but he can't pass up the opportunity. It's because of Junmyeon's father that he's here, after all. 

At 11:15, Junmyeon's phone rings, and he jumps slightly before answering. "Hello? Yes, I'll be right up." His Korean is more clipped and formal than Minseok has heard it before. "I'll be back," he says, in English for Lu Han's benefit.

Junmyeon's father, when he arrives (along with two men Minseok thinks are security), doesn't look like a man who runs a powerful corporation involved in arms dealing. He looks like a CEO in his expensive suit, and he looks serious, but he doesn't look like someone who plays in black markets and puts his son in danger, on top of putting enough pressure on Junmyeon that he went halfway around the world to escape it. Minseok wonders what he'd think of the man if he didn't know anything about him.

"This is my father," Junmyeon says to Lu Han and Minseok, and then, in Korean, "This is my roommate Han and my friend Minseok."

"It's nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you." Junmyeon's father speaks accented but clear English, and his smile is a lot like the one Junmyeon wears when he doesn't really mean it. He bows despite the English greeting, and Lu Han and Minseok respond in kind. Immediately after, he asks Junmyeon, "Are you ready to go?"

"Yes." Junmyeon puts on his backpack and grabs his suitcase. Neither his father nor the other two men offers help. "I'll be back Saturday afternoon," he says, giving Lu Han and Minseok a much more genuine smile than his father's. "Have a good break!"

"You too," Minseok says, and Lu Han echoes him.

Once they're gone, Lu Han closes the door and turns to Minseok. "His dad is exactly what I imagined." He makes a face. "I hope it's not too bad traveling with him."

"I'm sure it'll be fine," Minseok says. "It's only a week, and he'll be busy with work. Boston's supposed to be nice too." He only hopes Junmyeon will be safe there, in the big city. He won't be alone, of course, but it's out of Minseok's hands.

With Junmyeon gone, Lu Han and Minseok are left alone, at least as far as their friends are concerned. There are more people on campus than during winter break, but it's still a lot quieter than usual, and Minseok is back in that strange limbo where Junmyeon is temporarily not his responsibility. Perhaps because he already experienced it in the winter, Minseok finds it much easier to adjust. Junmyeon is closer now, so there's a chance Minseok will be called on to help if something happens to him, but otherwise, he has a week of relaxing with Lu Han ahead of him.

In celebration of the start of their vacation, Lu Han suggests, with a mischievous twinkle in his eye, that they do some "spring cleaning." What this turns out to mean is that they pick up all the junk that has accumulated on the floor of Lu Han and Junmyeon's room and dump it onto Junmyeon's bed. It forms a huge pile, clothes and books and papers and miscellaneous garbage (aside from some nasty food wrappers that they throw away), and it makes Minseok cringe and Lu Han smile. "Serves him right," he says smugly.

That night, they celebrate some more with a party thrown by some other students staying on campus. It's smaller than the other parties Minseok has been to, but otherwise no different, with drinking games and flirting and loud conversations and all the other usual trappings. It's strange to be at a party with only Lu Han for company, but without Junmyeon here, Minseok doesn't have to be so alert the whole time. He also doesn't have to stay until Junmyeon leaves, so when he's really sick of the noise, he drags Lu Han out.

Lu Han is drunk when they go back to his room. He's nowhere near as bad as Minseok's seen him before, but he's laughing a lot and touching Minseok even more than usual. Minseok had more to drink than Lu Han thanks to his bad luck in drinking games, but it doesn't seem to be enough to have an effect on him. He pretends it does, laughing along with Lu Han and stumbling down the hallway.

They stumble right onto Lu Han's bed, and Minseok isn't particularly surprised when Lu Han's arms wrap around him to pull him close and kiss him. They still haven't done much more than kiss, but there's been a lot of kissing. Minseok can't say he minds; kissing feels pleasant, and it's easier than talking. It's occurred to him that Lu Han might want to take advantage of this alone time to do more than just kiss, but Minseok doubts he'll push.

For now, Minseok kisses Lu Han back. He doesn't know if he's gotten good at kissing, but he's definitely gotten used to it over the last few months, learned how to tilt his head and not run out of breath and where to press his tongue to make Lu Han melt into him. The last is perhaps not entirely necessary, but if he wants Lu Han to keep wanting to kiss him, and to believe that Minseok really wants him, then it doesn't hurt. Besides, Minseok has worked hard to master so many skills, and he's not about to be any less diligent when it comes to learning how to kiss.

They kiss for a long time, separating occasionally, but then going right back to it. Minseok is waiting for Lu Han to stop it, as he usually does sooner or later, but he doesn't seem inclined to do so. Minseok has plenty of stamina to keep this up if that's what Lu Han wants, but it's a change, and he's wary of what it means. Has Lu Han finally run out of patience for taking it slow, or is he just waiting for Minseok to stop it?

To test that, Minseok pulls back, slowly so that it doesn't look like he's bothered. Lu Han doesn't resist, his arms draped loosely around Minseok but not holding him in. Minseok's not an expert on this particular kind of human behavior, but it's easy to read the desire in Lu Han's dark eyes and the way he licks his swollen lips. It's so clear that Lu Han wants more, and Minseok has made him wait a long time. He won't be able to stall him forever without raising too many questions he doesn't have good answers to.

But then, why is he stalling? It's true that Minseok hasn't had sex before, but he doesn't have the hang ups about it that many ordinary people have. He's prepared to die for his mission if it comes to that, so having sex is nothing to him. Or, well, it's not _nothing_ , because it involves a level of physical vulnerability he's not entirely comfortable with, but he can handle that, just as he's learned to deal with Lu Han touching him.

Time seems to have slowed down, but it hasn't stopped, and Lu Han breaks the silence that's stretched out too long. "Minseok, you don't...that is, we don't have to do anything you don't want, but I..."

Lu Han still looks hungry, but there's something else in his eyes, something softer, and that, Minseok realizes, is what's holding him back. He may not care about sex, but Lu Han does. He's using Lu Han, and there's no way around that, but it doesn't feel right to go forward with this when Lu Han wants him so much and Minseok doesn't feel the same. It's not right when this will mean a lot to Lu Han and not to Minseok.

The realization brings Minseok up short, his mind racing as he tries to decide what to do. He can keep stalling, but it's been months and he doesn't know how long he can get away with that without a good explanation. He can go ahead with it regardless of Lu Han's feelings, ignoring his guilty conscience, but he doesn't know if he can push these thoughts aside, and he can't afford to be hesitant in his interactions with Lu Han as a result. He can find an excuse to break up with Lu Han, but that will be an enormous inconvenience to being around Junmyeon.

There doesn't seem to be a right thing to do. He knows what his trainers would say—that the mission is worth hurting Lu Han—and once he would have thought the same, but with Lu Han right in front of him, it's harder to be callous. _What is wrong with you?_ Minseok asks himself. He's supposed to be the perfect spy, steadfast and uncaring. He's not supposed to...and Minseok can't stop himself from tensing in shock as it hits him that _that's_ the problem. He doesn't want to hurt Lu Han because he _cares_.

"Minseok?" Lu Han sounds worried, and no wonder, with the way Minseok's acting. "Are you okay?"

Minseok is not okay at all. He's reeling, trying to understand how he could have come to care about Lu Han without realizing it. How could he let this happen? What can he do to fix it? His trainers cautioned him not to get emotionally involved in missions, but only briefly, as thought they didn't think it was likely to happen. They never said what to do if he found himself emotionally involved with the collateral damage, someone who isn't the mission but is tied up in it all the same. He doesn't know how to extricate himself from this complication, or how to turn off his feelings so that he doesn't care anymore.

Lu Han is still waiting for an answer and Minseok can't afford to be paralyzed by shock any longer. One way or another, he needs to act. He forces his body to relax and pastes a smile on his face. He can't find an explanation for his behavior, so he does the only thing he can think of, the only thing that makes any sense in this impossible situation: he kisses Lu Han, good and hard.

It would be so much easier if he could convince himself that he was doing it for the sake of the mission, putting his feelings aside to do what needs to be done. It would still be complicated, but it would be all right. But the truth, as much as Minseok would like to deny it, is that he _wants_ to kiss Lu Han. He may not want this as much as Lu Han does, but he wants it, and he may not feel for Lu Han what Lu Han feels for him, but he does—

"Minseok?" Lu Han interrupts his thoughts, pulling back so little that his lips brush Minseok's when he speaks. "You're sure?"

Minseok isn't sure of anything anymore, feeling like the earth is tilting beneath his feet, but it's too late to take it back. "Yes," he whispers before pressing his lips to Lu Han's again.

There's an intensity to their kissing now that's never been there before, a sense of purpose. Lu Han rolls them so he's on top of Minseok, one knee between his legs, and Minseok's instincts scream at him to fight even as his body responds eagerly when Lu Han's hips rock downward. He can't turn those instincts off entirely, but he can focus on the more pleasant sensations coming from Lu Han's lips on his and his body pressed against Minseok's. It's like a tingling heat spreading throughout his body and concentrated between his legs, where he's starting to get hard.

This isn't completely unfamiliar to Minseok. Sexual desire hasn't been engineered out of him, exactly because of situations like this (and because it would be difficult to do). The rules at School expressly forbid sex between Students, and they're expected to learn to master their sexual impulses, but that takes time and maturity. Minseok doubts there's a single Student who didn't become friendly with his hand around puberty, to say nothing of the unavoidable dreams teenage boys have.

But this is so much more real than a wet dream, and completely different from jacking off quickly in the shower. This is slow and careful and soft, almost, with the way Lu Han keeps kissing as he moves against Minseok, hands threading into his hair. They're both getting hard, but Lu Han doesn't seem in a hurry to move things forward yet, only keeps rocking steadily into Minseok. Part of Minseok just wants to get this over with as quickly as possible, but at the same time, he likes the way it feels. He can't let himself get too caught up in it, but he wants to.

After a while, Lu Han pulls back and gets up on his knees. Minseok somewhat reluctantly follows, afraid to look him in the eye, but there's no suspicion in Lu Han's eyes, only desire. He strips off his shirt and Minseok does the same and then they're kissing again, hands on skin. Lu Han's mouth drops to Minseok's neck, which feels surprisingly good, then returns to his lips as his hands come up to graze Minseok's nipples. Minseok's breath catches and his cock responds, starting to strain against his pants.

"Minseok?" Lu Han murmurs. There seems to be a question in the word, but he doesn't elaborate, only puts his hands on Minseok's ass and pulls him closer. Minseok could easily resist, but he doesn't, moving forward until he's straddling Lu Han's thighs, just barely touching. He mimics Lu Han's earlier behavior and kisses his neck, and Lu Han leans his head back to expose more of it. _So trusting_ , Minseok thinks, then shoves the thought aside as it brings with it a stab of guilt.

Lu Han's fingers trail down Minseok's stomach before coming to rest on the button of his jeans. He stops there like he's giving Minseok a chance to approve (or not), so Minseok pulls back to say, "Do it." Lu Han's eyes catch his again, just for a moment, and Minseok is shocked to see how much Lu Han wants this—wants him. It shouldn't be a surprise, really, but no one has ever looked at him remotely like that before.

He drowns the confused feelings that come with that thought in another kiss, aided by Lu Han's hands making short work of his pants, tugging them and his underwear down to Minseok's thighs. Minseok doesn't like it, not because he's self-conscious about being exposed but because his movement is restricted, so he pulls away long enough to take his remaining clothes off entirely. Lu Han takes a moment to look him up and down, leering openly. "Like what you see?" Minseok asks.

He's only heard his friends say it jokingly, but it seems like the right thing to say in this situation. Sure enough, Lu Han grins. "I do. I don't know why you ever bother wearing clothes." Minseok doesn't know what he should say to that, so he just laughs. Lu Han seems content with that, moving to take his own clothes off.

When they come together again, there's nothing between them but skin. Minseok doesn't care about showing his body—there was never any privacy at School—but now that they're both naked, it feels like this is really happening. They return to their earlier position and now Minseok can feel Lu Han's erection under him. He tentatively rubs against it and Lu Han gasps. Minseok likes that, and it worries him that he likes it, but he just can't find it in himself to fight it.

Lu Han's surprisingly careful and patient for a drunk person, though maybe it's been long enough for him to start to sober up. Still, he pushes things forward little by little until they're pressed against each other again, kissing more messily as they're distracted by other sensations. Minseok's fully hard by now, and each brush of Lu Han's stomach or hip or thigh or cock against his erection sends a little jolt of arousal through him. He wants more, but thinking about what that could involve, he's not sure he's ready.

Finally, Lu Han breaks the kiss. They're on their sides now, and Lu Han pulls back enough to look Minseok in the eye. "How do you want to do this?" he asks. Minseok barely manages to stop himself from tensing, but something must give him away because Lu Han quickly adds, "It's okay if you don't want to go all the way, or if you don't want to bottom. Really."

_What would Normal College Student Minseok Kim do?_ Minseok thinks. Up until now, he's been the more passive one in their relationship, particularly when it comes to physical affection. Despite his words, Lu Han is probably expecting him to bottom. Will it be suspicious if he doesn't? He doesn't care about dominance or about any silly stereotypes associated with sexual positions, but he _does_ care about how vulnerable he'll be if he lets Lu Han into his body.

"Minseok?" He's taking too long to think again, which is not good. He's supposed to be decisive, ready to act quickly under any circumstances. Just because something like this wasn't specifically included in his training doesn't mean he has an excuse to flounder. He should be ready for anything.

Minseok looks down, feigning shyness. It wouldn't be strange for him to be shy on his first time. "I don't mind," he says quietly. "It feels good, right?"

His eyes flick up just in time to catch Lu Han's smile. "Yeah, it does. I'll be careful, don't worry."

"Okay." Minseok wills himself to relax despite his nerves. He should be able to do that, and besides, Lu Han will notice if he's tense. It's only sex, and Lu Han is no threat to him. He can do this.

Lu Han has him lie on his back with his knees pulled up to his chest "so I can see if you're okay." It goes against Minseok's every instinct to put himself in this vulnerable position, even without Lu Han touching him yet, but he forces himself to breathe deeply and not show the battle that's going on inside of him. He must be succeeding because Lu Han smiles softly, resting his hand on Minseok's knee and rubbing his thumb comfortingly along the side of it. "Okay?" he asks, and Minseok nods.

The sensation when Lu Han touches him with his other hand is incredibly foreign, even though he's only lightly circling the rim. He's watching Minseok for a reaction, so Minseok doesn't hold back his gasp. "I know it's weird," Lu Han says, "but it'll feel better, I promise."

"Are you such an expert?" Minseok asks.

Lu Han flushes, turning a little sulky. "More than you, anyway." Minseok doesn't have to fake his smile in response to that. Shaking his head, Lu Han resumes moving his hand, applying more pressure. It still feels strange, but maybe not all bad. The touch of Lu Han's finger sets sensitive nerves tingling, adding to the pleasurable ache of Minseok's erection. The less he thinks about it, the more he's able to enjoy it.

It only hurts a little when Lu Han pushes his slick finger in to the first knuckle, barely anything compared to some of the injuries Minseok had in training, but it's all he can do to restrain the impulse to fight back. Thankfully, he manages, because he doesn't know how the hell he'd explain throwing Lu Han across the room, but it's a close call. "Still okay?" Lu Han asks.

"Yes," Minseok lies.

"You're really tense." Lu Han's voice is gentle, trying hard to be comforting. "It's a lot better if you relax."

"I know." Minseok tries to get the message to his body, which isn't ready to give in yet.

"I should have gotten you drunker." Lu Han stops, reconsiders, and makes a face. "Wait, that sounds bad. I just mean that you'd be more relaxed."

He's probably right, but Minseok's not drunk at all, so he'll just have to relax on his own. He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, trying to think about meditation techniques and not about being ready for a fight. Lu Han poses no danger to him; he's sure of that by now. Junmyeon isn't Minseok's responsibility at the moment. There's hardly anyone in the dorm at all, so what does he have to worry about? For once in his life, he can afford to let go. In fact, he has to, whether he wants to or not.

"That's better," Lu Han murmurs, letting him know it's working. He starts to move his hand, and Minseok's legs automatically spread wider to accommodate him. "Yeah, that's it," Lu Han continues in the same low voice. "Just wait. You'll see."

Minseok doesn't know what he's supposed to see, but he doesn't ask, focusing on breathing steadily and staying relaxed. Lu Han's finger starts to move more easily inside of Minseok, and then he crooks it and Minseok lets out a surprised gasp as sparks of pleasure dance up his spine. Lu Han smirks, or at least he tries to, but he looks more excited than anything else, happy to get a good reaction out of Minseok.

From then on, Minseok does start to see what all the fuss is about. Lu Han stretches him out slowly but surely, fingers pressing deeper and deeper and twisting to hit that same spot that lights his nerves on fire. His other hand moves around, from resting on Minseok's thigh to stroking his erection to brushing over his nipples, all of which Minseok finds he likes the feeling of. His whole body feels more sensitive now, every sensation heightened.

Minseok's startled when Lu Han stops moving, noticing his harsh breathing for the first time in the sudden silence. "What?" he asks. His cheeks are warm, and they heat up more when he sees the way Lu Han is looking at him.

"Are you ready?" There's a roughness to Lu Han's voice that Minseok isn't used to hearing, and naked hunger in his eyes.

"Am I?" Minseok asks, only half joking.

"Yeah." Lu Han swallows hard. "Yeah, I think you are." He pulls both hands away, and Minseok unexpectedly finds that he misses Lu Han's fingers inside of him.

They readjust, Minseok getting up on his hands and knees. It's better than being on his back in that he could move more easily from this position, but worse because he can't see Lu Han. He has to remind himself again to relax. It's safe to turn his back if it's only Lu Han. It's okay to submit to Lu Han like this no matter how much his instincts still tell him not to.

He feels Lu Han's hands on his hips, sticky but warm. "I'll go slow," he says. "But tell me if it's too much. I can't see your face like this, so you have to tell me." He moves closer, and Minseok feels him, hard, pressing against sensitive skin. 

Part of him wants to pull away and part of him wants to push back, to feel more. He wants this, Minseok realizes, and the thought is frightening, but also thrilling, if he lets it be. "Okay," he says.

When Lu Han pushes in, Minseok's whole body rebels, and he chokes back a cry as he involuntarily tenses and makes it worse. "Hey, hey, it's okay, relax, you're okay, just relax." Lu Han's comforting babble gives Minseok something to focus on as he breathes deeply, letting his body adjust. "There," Lu Han says after a while. "Okay now?"

"Yeah." Minseok's not too sure, but when Lu Han starts to move again, it's not so bad. Still more intense than Minseok expected after Lu Han's fingers, but just like before, it gradually starts to feel good. More than good, honestly, especially when Lu Han starts to touch him in time with his thrusts. Minseok gets caught up in it, almost enough to forget himself, to lose himself in the sensation of Lu Han deep inside of him.

That doesn't quite happen, but he does lose track of time, feeling like they've been doing this forever and like they could keep doing it forever. Lu Han's picked up speed, but Minseok doesn't mind. Each thrust, each stroke of his cock makes him feel a little closer to something he hasn't felt in a long time, something he's never felt like this. He doesn't want it to be over yet, but he wants that climax badly.

"Minseok," Lu Han pants. "I..." He stumbles over the syllables, whether from the remnants of his earlier drunkenness or the excitement of the moment. "Are you almost...?"

It takes Minseok a moment to realize what he's asking. He's not sure, because it's been a really long time and it feels different with someone inside of him, but he's close, he thinks. "Yeah." He's surprised by the roughness of his own voice. "Almost."

Lu Han moves faster still, and Minseok is too far gone to think about it, or to think about anything except how this feels so good, but not quite enough. He doesn't know what sets it off, one of Lu Han's sharp thrusts or the pressure of his fingers circling Minseok's erection, but the next thing Minseok knows, the wave of pleasure that's been steadily building crashes over him and he's overwhelmed by it, shaking beneath Lu Han. 

There's no question that he's never felt anything like this before, so much more intense than his brief acquaintance with his hand, and _so fucking good_. It floods his body, his instincts finally letting go and allowing him to enjoy the moment, the few blissful seconds when the world disappears and Minseok's aware of nothing except Lu Han inside him and wrapped around him, pushing him through this incredible climax.

Too soon, it's over, pleasure dimming and then turning into a slightly uncomfortable oversensitivity. Minseok's instincts are reawakening, objecting when Lu Han leans forward, plastering himself to Minseok's back. He's too drained and relaxed in the wake of his orgasm to react, but his mind screams at him that he should. _Shut up,_ he tells it. _Let me have this._

Lu Han, oblivious to Minseok's inner turmoil, presses his lips to Minseok's shoulder. "That was really nice. Right? I mean, was it good for you?"

It's complicated, but Minseok can't deny that he enjoyed it. Even if he hadn't, he wouldn't tell Lu Han that, but he doesn't have to lie. "Yeah, it was good."

He feels Lu Han's smile against his skin. "Good. I'd hate for your first time to suck." Minseok is relieved (though it's tinged with disappointment that he tries to ignore) when Lu Han moves away, pulling out and leaving Minseok feeling mildly sore and strangely empty. Minseok lies down on his side, watching Lu Han make his way to the trash. He grabs some tissues from the box on Junmyeon's desk, wiping his hands off and offering some to Minseok to clean himself up.

When Lu Han returns to the bed, he wraps himself around Minseok without hesitation. Why shouldn't he? He's been clinging to Minseok for months. The only difference now is that they aren't wearing clothes, but after they had sex, there's no reason to be shy. Minseok's not shy about his body, and he's used to Lu Han touching him by now, so he shouldn't mind. It's just that it feels like _more_ now, in the wake of his realization that he cares about Lu Han more than he should. Sex distracted him from that before, but he can't avoid it any longer.

"I love you," Lu Han murmurs into the crook of Minseok's neck, sleepily, like he's not even thinking about what he's saying.

It takes every ounce of control Minseok has to force himself not to tense up at the words. _Shit,_ he thinks. _Shit shit shit._

To his immense relief, Lu Han falls asleep without giving Minseok a chance to answer. With any luck, he won't remember what he said in the morning. Still, Minseok won't be able to forget that he's gone and made Lu Han fall in love with him. It makes him feel guilty, but worse...he doesn't love Lu Han, at least not from what he understands of love, but he likes him, and that's already too much. He's in way over his head, and he's at a loss for what to do about it.

He can't see any way out of this without jeopardizing his mission, since it won't go over well with Junmyeon or any of their mutual friends if he dumps Lu Han out of the blue, especially right after their first time having sex. Even if he was willing to sacrifice the mission for Lu Han, which of course he isn't, there's no way to avoid hurting Lu Han. Either he'll find out the truth and be hurt by that, not to mention being put in danger, or he'll be none the wiser when Minseok finishes his mission and leaves without a trace. There's no happy ending ahead, but there's also no way to take it all back.

_I'm sorry,_ Minseok thinks but doesn't say, just in case Lu Han isn't completely asleep. That's the only thing he has to offer.

 

Minseok tries to go to sleep for a good two hours, but while his body is ready to rest, worn out by the earlier activity, his mind won't shut down. At last, when it becomes clear that sleep isn't happening, he extricates himself from Lu Han's arms. He wastes half an hour trying to drown himself in the shower, at which point it's almost 5:30 a.m. and he'll leaves the dorm and starts to jog toward town. He doesn't know what he's doing, but he knows that he needs to get away.

The college campus is isolated on the edge of town, which is why anyone sensible takes the bus to town, or drives if they have a car. Minseok doesn't have a car and it's too early for the bus and he isn't feeling very sensible anyway, so he runs, letting the pounding of his feet on the road calm him. It's almost enough to drown out the thoughts swirling in his mind, or at least he tries to pretend that it is.

Heechul's house is 20.3 kilometers from Minseok's dorm (12.7 miles, since they're in the U.S.). An ordinary man in very good shape could cover that distance in just under an hour, but Minseok is not an ordinary man. He arrives at Heechul's doorstep at 6:12 a.m. and sits down on the front step. He could keep running, he thinks, but he has nowhere else to go.

He doesn't know why he's here. Heechul is his handler and Minseok is supposed to report any important developments in his mission to him, but what is he supposed to say? "I realized I like Lu Han a lot more than I should, but I had sex with him anyway?" He's made a mistake, or maybe series of mistakes, and he doesn't want to admit that. At the same time, it's his duty to give an honest and thorough report of anything that could affect the mission. He can't lie or hide this.

Minseok doesn't knock, but Heechul opens the door at 6:19 a.m. "Come in. The neighbors are going to wonder why there's a sweaty college student sitting in front of my door on a cold morning."

Heechul sits him down at the kitchen table and gives him a glass of water. He sits in the other chair and waits for Minseok to drink before he says, "Talk."

"I had sex with Lu Han." Minseok sounds calm, which is good, but he doesn't feel calm.

"I see." Heechul appears unperturbed, but he's looking at Minseok like he knows exactly what's going on in his head. That would be impressive since Minseok isn't sure himself what's going on in there.

"I think it was a mistake," he blurts out. "Getting involved with him."

Heechul studies him in silence for a painfully long moment. "Can you end it without interfering with your ability to stay close to Junmyeon?" Minseok shakes his head. "Then you'll have to make it work."

It's not what Minseok wants to hear, but it's what he already knew. He got himself into this, and now he has to deal with it. "I understand," he says quietly. Silence descends again, and Minseok studies his hands. An image springs to mind, unbidden, of Lu Han's hands, his fingers disappearing into Minseok's body.

At last, Heechul says, "It's not as uncommon as we like to think, getting emotionally overinvolved, especially the first time in the field. No doubt as soon as someone figures out how to genetically eliminate emotions without any problematic side effects, we'll have new Students without them, but until then, the possibility will always be there. I won't hold it against you, but don't forget why you're here. Don't forget that the moment your mission is over, you'll be gone."

"Of course," Minseok says with as much conviction as he can muster. "I remember."

"Good." Then Heechul smiles, just a little. "In the meantime...sex is nice, right? Enjoy it while you can."

Minseok takes a nap on Heechul's couch, his sleepless night catching up to him, then awkwardly hangs around until mid-afternoon when Heechul fixes him with a look that says, _No more._ He's right, of course. Disappearing for a few hours, Minseok can get away with. Any longer and there will be too many questions he can't answer about why sex with Lu Han was too much for him to handle.

"I'll give you a ride back to campus," Heechul says. Minseok opens his mouth to say he can run back, but Heechul cuts him off, "Normal college students don't run forty kilometers in a day like it's nothing."

Heechul drops Minseok off at the edge of campus and he walks to his dorm slowly, his legs feeling heavier with every step, for reasons that have nothing to do with his earlier running. He's not ready to face Lu Han, but it's not going to get any easier if he puts it off. Besides, he should be prepared to face much more difficult situations than a harmless college student falling in love with him. There's no excuse for him to be literally and figuratively dragging his feet.

Lu Han isn't in his room or the living room and Minseok wonders if he's gone out until he goes to his own room and finds Lu Han sitting with his back against the door. He looks up when Minseok approaches and flashes him a sheepish smile. "Sorry if this seems stalkerish. I didn't know how to find you. You left your phone." He holds it out to Minseok, who comes just close enough to take it.

"It's okay." Minseok waits until Lu Han gets up to unlock his door. "Come in." He doesn't look at Lu Han, but he hears him follow, closing the door behind him. Minseok sits on his bed, and Lu Han sits on Baekhyun's bed instead of next to him.

"I woke up and you were gone and I didn't know what to think." Lu Han is looking at his hands, tapping out a pattern on his thighs. (Minseok remembers what those hands did to him, remembers those thighs slamming into his own.)

"I went for a run. I needed to clear my head." It's not a good explanation and Minseok knows it, but he waits to see how Lu Han will take it.

"Oh." Lu Han frowns and bites his lip. "Did I do something wrong? I don't...my memory's not as clear as I'd like, but I thought it was okay."

Minseok shakes his head while he thinks of what to say. "You didn't."

Lu Han's frown only deepens. "Sometimes I think I have you all figured out. I should, probably, with all the time we spend together. But then, every once in a while, I feel like I don't know you at all."

That's not good. "I'm sorry." Minseok offers Lu Han a smile. "I'm not the best at opening up. I think...maybe that's why last night freaked me out a little." Minseok is making this up as he goes along, but he thinks it makes sense, and there's enough truth to it to make it convincing. "You've really got to let go around someone when you have sex, right? So that...it's not that I wasn't ready, but I needed some time alone to process it. That's all."

Lu Han studies him, like he's trying to read the truth of Minseok's words in his expression. "You don't regret it?"

"No." It's not the truth, but it's not entirely a lie either. It would be easier if it was.

Lu Han smiles, convinced. "I hope you know, you letting go didn't change my opinion of you at all. You don't have to hide anything from me."

_If only you knew..._ Minseok thinks even as he smiles back at Lu Han, ignoring the pang of regret that accompanies the thought. "No more freakouts. I promise."


	8. Chapter 8

Heechul was right: sex is nice. As conflicted as Minseok is about Lu Han's feelings for him and his feelings for Lu Han, he can admit that it feels really good. They have a full week of vacation ahead to enjoy themselves without roommates getting in the way, and Lu Han seems determined to do that. His now familiar touchiness intensifies, which Minseok wouldn't have thought possible, and while he's careful not to push too hard, he makes no secret of how much he wants Minseok, now that he can have him.

Minseok doesn't start anything himself, but he goes along with whatever Lu Han initiates, and he doesn't have to pretend to like it. He likes having Lu Han's hands on him, or his mouth, and while he's still not comfortable letting go (and he probably never will be), it does feel good to go all the way like they did the first time. It's a sign of how much he trusts Lu Han, that he can give up so much control and enjoy it, and in some ways, that's even more of a shock than realizing that he cares for Lu Han.

He struggles to deal with all those feelings even as he spends his days and nights with Lu Han curled up with him, or over or under or inside of him. On the surface, Minseok is a shy but happy young man, if not in love, then at least getting there. Underneath that, Minseok is lost in unfamiliar territory, trying to understand his feelings for Lu Han, a complicated mix of affection and desire and unavoidable guilt. He's never felt any of these things before, and he doesn't know how to deal with them.

Lu Han hasn't said anything about his own feelings since that night. Minseok hopes he doesn't remember what he said, but that wouldn't change the fact that Lu Han loves Minseok enough to voice it. Minseok hates (another new emotion) that he's doing this to Lu Han, and he hates that a part of him is happy that Lu Han loves him, like this is a normal relationship where he should be happy to have his feelings strongly returned. He hates that, one way or another, he's going to pay Lu Han back for all of this by hurting him.

It feels like Minseok is making up for a lifetime of repressed emotions in a week, but as the days pass, he makes a rocky sort of peace with the situation. It's too late to take back his feelings, let alone the whole relationship, and nothing will change the cold, hard fact that he's undercover and won't be forever. He's going to hurt Lu Han in the end—and himself too—but all he can do now is try to make Lu Han happy while he can. For himself, all he can do is enjoy this while it lasts, and not think about the end. It'll come whether he thinks about it or not.

"I'm glad we got to have this break to ourselves," Lu Han says on Friday night. His arms are wrapped tightly around Minseok's chest, and his words are pressed into the sensitive skin of Minseok's neck. "It's fun having everyone around, but it's nice to be just us sometimes."

"Yeah," Minseok agrees, and he means it, in spite of everything.

Lu Han leans forward to kiss Minseok's cheek, and, when he turns his head, his lips, following it up with a smile that Minseok feels more than he sees. Lu Han takes in a breath and his lips part like he's about to say something, but he seems to think better of it, going for another kiss instead. After that, he asks, "Is it going to be different when everyone gets back?"

It will be different, because Minseok will have to worry about Junmyeon again, but he's not about to say that. "We're going to be the ones kicking out our roommates for a change," Minseok says.

He's not sure it's the right response, making a joke of it, but thankfully, Lu Han laughs. "They deserve it." For a moment, it seems like Lu Han still wants to say something, but then he just lies down and plasters himself to Minseok's back again. He drops a kiss on Minseok's shoulder and leaves it at that.

 

They're expecting Junmyeon back in the afternoon on Saturday (and Baekhyun and Jongdae that night), but at 9:30 a.m. the dorm room door opens. Minseok is awake, but still in bed because Lu Han is sound asleep and clinging to him, pressed tight against Minseok's back. He tenses, immediately on alert, ready to pull himself out of Lu Han's arms and attack, but then he sees that it's only Junmyeon.

Lu Han and Minseok are both naked under a blanket that's barely pulled up to Minseok's waist, and when Junmyeon sees them, his eyes go wide for a moment before he smiles. It's a satisfied smile, like a mother proud of something her children have accomplished, which is weird and would probably embarrass Lu Han if he was awake. Junmyeon opens his mouth to say something, but Minseok makes a shushing gesture, not wanting to wake Lu Han and also not wanting to hear what Junmyeon's going to say.

Unfortunately, that has the opposite effect: Junmyeon bursts out laughing. Lu Han starts awake and mumbles a very sleepy and disgruntled, "What's going on?" in Minseok's ear.

Minseok gives Junmyeon a dirty look before he says, "Welcome back."

"Huh?" Lu Han sounds totally lost, but he must open his eyes right after because then he says, displeased, "Oh, Junmyeon. You're early."

"Sorry about that." Junmyeon doesn't sound sorry at all. "My dad got called away on urgent business, so he had to leave earlier than expected. He hopped on a flight to London this morning and sent me back on my own. Let me just put my bag down and then I'll let you two make yourselves presentable." He sets his suitcase and backpack down, and flashes them one more mischievous smile before stepping out and closing the door behind him.

"We should've slept in your room," Lu Han grumbles, not moving.

"Better Junmyeon than Baekhyun," Minseok counters. Lu Han concedes the point with a vaguely affirmative grunt. He's still not moving, so it's left to Minseok to detach himself from Lu Han and get up, pulling on the clothes he wore the day before. Lu Han reluctantly rolls out of bed after him, tugging on a pair of athletic shorts draped over his desk chair and leaving it at that.

Lu Han plops back onto his bed, so Minseok goes to open the door. Junmyeon, still smiling, comes in and turns to sit on his bed, then stops when he sees the mess on it. Minseok wonders for a second if he'll get mad, but he's not surprised when Junmyeon just laughs. "Point taken." He goes to sit on his desk chair instead, and fixes them with that same proud smile. "So, did you have a good break?"

Minseok sits next to Lu Han, who immediately wraps an arm around his waist. "Yeah, it was nice," he says.

"Stop smiling like that." Lu Han still sounds grumpy, but only a little bit. "It's creepy.

Of course, that only makes Junmyeon smile more. "I'm just happy my friends are happy, that's all."

"How was your trip?" Minseok jumps in before Lu Han can respond.

It's obvious what Minseok's doing, but Junmyeon lets it go with a grin. "Not bad. My dad know how to travel in style, and I got to do some exploring on my own while he was busy. Boston's a cool place."

While Junmyeon talks about his adventures in Boston, Minseok brings himself back from vacation mode. It's harder, in a way, than after winter break, because it feels like so much more has changed in this one short week. It's not because he and Lu Han had sex, but because the dam holding back all of Minseok's repressed feelings broke, and he can't be the calm, singularly focused soldier he was at the beginning. He hasn't been like that in a long time, but he can't pretend anymore.

It doesn't have to matter, he tells himself. He hasn't lost his ability to fight, or all the other skills and knowledge that make him a good spy. He's strong and he's smart and he can do what needs to be done. He just can't let himself be distracted. He's here for Junmyeon, not to be Lu Han's boyfriend. It's up to him to remember that, no matter what he feels.

 

Minseok informs Heechul, as soon as he can get away for a moment, about the "urgent business" that sent Junmyeon's father to London, but it turns out that he already knows thanks to Junmyeon's Student tail. He tells Minseok he'll report back if anything comes of it, but for now, unless Junmyeon has any more concrete intel to offer, he leave looking into Junmyeon's father to others.

He meets Heechul on Sunday as usual, joined by the Student who followed Junmyeon to Boston. He's a familiar face: Kyungsoo, who was part of Minseok's cohort. He offers Minseok a perfunctory greeting without a smile, because they grew up together, but they're not friends. "Kyungsoo's going to stay here until the end of the school year," Heechul explains. "We may not need him, but it'll be good to have back up in case anything happens."

Minseok's not sure how he feels about needing back up, as if it's an insult to his abilities, but those feelings he shouldn't be having in the first place aren't important. This is a reasoned decision by Heechul and their bosses and it's not his place to question it. "I understand," he says neutrally.

They discuss what Kyungsoo observed in Boston, but there's not much to work with. "Junmyeon was on his own for the majority of the time," Kyungsoo says. "He joined his father for some work dinners, but I wasn't able to glean any information from their conversations."

"No, they're too careful for that." Heechul presses his lips together, looking vaguely displeased. "We got eyes on the ground in London in time, but the other players weren't familiar to us, and security in the meeting was too tight for anyone to get close. It seems it was important, but that's all we know, which doesn't give us anything concrete on Guardian Gold's dealings." That's disappointing, but not surprising. At this point, Minseok is skeptical that any useful information about Guardian Gold's black market involvement will come from his mission.

Minseok doesn't let his mind wander the way he often does in conversations at school, but later, as he heads home, he finds himself thinking about Kyungsoo. He was dressed much like Minseok, but while he wouldn't look out of place on campus, his behavior was all wrong. With his expressionless face and flat voice, he'd never blend in. _Is that how I used to be?_ Minseok wonders. 

He and Kyungsoo went through the same lifetime of training together, and they should have come out of it the same. Minseok never noticed any differences between himself and the others when he was at School. Has he changed so much that normal Student behavior is jarring to him now? Kyungsoo just completed his first mission, but it doesn't seem to have changed him. Perhaps Minseok will also go back to how he was before when his mission is complete and he no longer needs to pretend, but it's hard to imagine that; he's not really pretending anymore.

It makes Minseok wonder if there's something wrong with him, if he's not the perfect Student he thought he was, to be so easily influenced by his surroundings. Strangely, the thought doesn't bother him as much as it once would have. It was easier in many ways, to be stoic and unfeeling, but now that he's realized what he was missing, he can't say that it's the best way to be. Even knowing that having feelings opens him up to be hurt, he can't say that he wants to be like that again.

He remembers Heechul telling him that it's not unusual to get emotionally involved while on a mission. Students are only human, and maybe some can stay detached like Kyungsoo, but Minseok isn't the first to fail at that, and he can't be the first to be forever changed by the experience. That doesn't mean he can't be a good spy. Heechul himself isn't robotic like Kyungsoo, and he's distinguished himself enough to be trusted as a handler.

Minseok will just have to find a way to turn that weakness into a strength, he tells himself. If he cares about Junmyeon as a friend—and after accepting his feelings for Lu Han, it's surprisingly easy to admit that he does—he has to use that to his advantage. If he wants to protect Junmyeon not only because it's his mission but because Junmyeon is his friend, surely that will make him even more likely to succeed. In that case, it's all right that he can't stay as closed off and controlled as he used to be.

He only hopes that's true.

 

Minseok's birthday falls in the middle of the week after spring break. He knows when it is, but he's never celebrated in any way; birthdays weren't acknowledged at School. His friends know when it is too, and Minseok suspects they'll do something to celebrate, though they've been strangely quiet on the subject. Whatever they're planning, he'll find out soon enough.

Minseok wakes up on the morning of his nineteenth birthday feeling no different than he did the day before. He goes to the gym as usual, bundled up against the early morning chill, and doesn't let himself slack off. He goes to the dining hall and eats his usual breakfast without any treats. There's no reason to spoil himself; his birthday is a day like any other day.

Back in his dorm room, Minseok checks the tracker to find Junmyeon still in bed, as always, then gets his things together for his first class. He's just finishing up when Baekhyun's alarm goes off. It rings for a good fifteen seconds before Baekhyun groans. "I'm so _tired_." He fumbles at his phone to turn off the alarm without opening his eyes. "Carry me to class, Minseok."

"No," Minseok says mildly.

"You're so mean to me," Baekhyun whines. He reluctantly opens his eyes and sits up in bed, glaring at Minseok. His hair is sticking out in all directions and his eyes are squinted against the light. "Why do you always look so _awake_ every morning? Are you really human?"

_I am,_ Minseok thinks, _but not like you._ "Maybe you're just lazy," he counters. One thing to be said for rooming with Baekhyun: it's given him plenty of good opportunities to practice his banter.

"Mutant freak," Baekhyun mutters.

_You're not entirely wrong._ Maybe Minseok should be sympathetic, since it's not Baekhyun's fault he can't get by on as little sleep as Minseok can, but it _is_ his fault that he always stays up too late gaming or talking to people or otherwise messing around. "Get up," he says. "Class awaits."

"I'm up, I'm up." Baekhyun stands up, pausing to shoot Minseok a look. "Go be awake somewhere else. I'm tired just looking at you."

It's hard not to smile when Baekhyun's being so ridiculous. "All right, I'll go." Minseok grabs his already packed backpack and heads out the door.

Nobody in Minseok's Spanish class or the chemistry class that follows it knows that it's Minseok's birthday, so it's not surprising that he gets no well wishes. What is surprising is that when he shows up to lunch with Junmyeon, Jongdae and a considerably more awake Baekhyun, none of them say anything. Minseok can't say he's disappointed, because he's used to his birthday being nothing worth mentioning, but it's unexpected. It's possible that they just forgot, but it's also possible that the twinkle in Baekhyun's eyes means it's intentional and Minseok's friends are conspiring against him.

Minseok has chem lab in the afternoon, which passes as usual. When it's over, Minseok heads back to his room to write his lab report before dinner. The door is locked, so Baekhyun must be out somewhere, he thinks absently. Given that, he's not paying attention as he steps into the room, which is why he's startled when someone suddenly moves behind him and puts their hands over his eyes, blocking out his view.

Minseok has worked hard to suppress his instinct to throw people who come at him from behind, but this is a step beyond hugs. This could be a real threat, and that's why his reflexes kick in too quickly for him to fight it. He grabs the arms of the person touching him and throws them over his shoulder and onto the floor, where they land with a smack. The person yelps, in pain or surprise or both, and Minseok recognizes the sound: it's Baekhyun. _Oh no,_ he thinks.

The lights are off and the window shade is down, but there's enough light coming in from the hallway for Minseok to take in the scene: all of his friends arrayed around the small room, looking at him with wide eyes (except for Baekhyun, who's groaning on the floor). Minseok tenses, afraid he's been made, but then Jongdae starts to clap and everyone (except Baekhyun) bursts out laughing.

"Damn," Junmyeon says. "I knew you were good at kickboxing, but I didn't realize you were such a martial arts whiz." He comes over and kneels on the floor next to Baekhyun. "Are you still alive?"

"No." Baekhyun looks up and pouts at Minseok. "Did you want to hurt me that bad, Minseokie? You're lucky I know how to fall."

Minseok forces himself to relax and smile, despite the adrenaline pumping in his veins. "I knew you could take it, after you told me all about your hapkido skills. That's what you get for sneaking up on me. "

"You knew it was me? You threw me _on purpose_?" Baekhyun whines, while the others laugh harder. 

Minseok grins, relieved that they seem to be buying his lie. "I don't know why you're surprised." Before Baekhyun can continue whining (which he no doubt would), Minseok asks, "What's this about?"

"Oh, uh, surprise," Lu Han says with a wry smile. "Happy birthday. Sorry we startled you."

"You sure know how to make an entrance," Amber comments. If she thinks anything of the nature of that entrance, it doesn't show in her smile. "Happy birthday."

The others echo the birthday wishes, even Baekhyun, once Jongdae drags him up off the floor. Minseok's heart rate slowly evens out, and it becomes easier to pretend that everything is fine. If nobody found his reaction suspicious and Baekhyun's not hurt, then it is fine, really. That it was a very close call isn't important.

There's a cake sitting on Baekhyun's desk, and Lu Han pulls Minseok over to stand in front of it. There's only one small candle on it, and Junmyeon explains, "It's not that we think you're a baby or we don't like you enough to get the right number of candles, but Henry threatened us with death if we set off the fire alarm, so we're playing it safe."

One candle on a cake is more than anyone's ever gotten Minseok for his birthday in nineteen years, so he's not about to complain. "I'll take it."

Because his friends can't take anything too seriously, they sing happy birthday to Minseok in three languages at once, a cacophony of clashing words trying to overpower each other that makes Minseok cringe and smile at the same time. Everyone looks at him as he blows out the candle, and it's so strange to see all those fond smiles focused on him. He's not used to being the center of attention (except with Lu Han), and he still can't get used to the idea that there are people who genuinely care about him enough to celebrate him like this.

"Did you make a birthday wish?" Jongdae asks.

"Maybe," Minseok teases, which of course makes everyone pester him, but there's nothing to reveal. He doesn't want to think too hard about what he'd wish for, because he's afraid to find out what he wants most. It should be the successful completion of his mission, but he's not so sure that's the truth. Besides, that's not something to wish for; that's something he should make happen.

The cake is delicious, and so is the pizza that arrives soon after. There's a lot of talking and laughing, and Minseok sits on his bed with Lu Han and lets himself enjoy the moment, aware that this could well be the last birthday he celebrates. He doesn't want to think about that, but it lurks in the back of his mind even as he smiles and laughs and stuffs himself with good food.

After they eat, Baekhyun announces that they have some presents for him. With great ceremony, he hands Minseok a flat package wrapped in colorful paper. The way Baekhyun is smiling makes Minseok wary, but not in any actually dangerous way. He tears off the wrapping paper to reveal a photo card of some female kpop idol whose name he didn't bother to learn when Baekhyun tried to educate him. "Uh, thanks?" Minseok doesn't have much experience with birthday presents, aside from those his friends have given each other this year, but enough to know that this is a strange choice.

Baekhyun beams obnoxiously at him. "You're welcome!" Lu Han, who's sitting behind Minseok, snickers in his ear.

Amber gives him a nicely wrapped box containing a tree-shaped air freshener for hanging in a car, and Yixing, a wry smile on his face that makes Minseok think this wasn't his idea, hands him an envelope with a single condom in it, and at that point, it becomes clear to Minseok that this is a joke everyone's in on. "You guys really went all out, huh?"

"We wanted to get you things you might actually use," Junmyeon says, then laughs at his own joke as always.

"Okay, okay," Jongdae cuts in, smiling. He goes over to Baekhyun's desk and picks up another wrapped package, a large, thin rectangle. "We're not total jerks, so we did actually get you something serious." He holds out the package to Minseok, who takes it curiously.

There's a box underneath the wrapping paper. Minseok is half expecting it to be empty or filled with something silly, but when he opens it, he finds a picture frame. Inside it is a collage of pictures of him and his friends, decorated with some colorful stickers. There's the whole group of them at the end of orientation, Minseok in his Halloween costume eyeing Baekhyun skeptically, a more recent picture of Minseok in the living room with Lu Han and Junmyeon laughing on either side of him, and so on, a recap of the year so far.

"Your side of the room is so boring," Baekhyun says, gesturing at the bare wall behind Minseok. "We thought we'd make you something to liven it up."

"Do you like it?" Lu Han asks. He rests his chin on Minseok's shoulder to look at the pictures.

"Yeah. It's really nice." Minseok looks thoughtfully at the pictures. He already knows he's changed in the last seven months, but he can see it right there in front of him: how stiff he looked at orientation, with his fake smile, compared to how much more relaxed he looks in that recent picture, a real smile on his face. It makes him smile now, and it also makes him sad, but he ignores that. He looks up and smiles at all of his friends. "Thank you."

"Don't cry now," Baekhyun says, making Minseok roll his eyes.

The party winds down soon after that, since it's a weeknight and they can't go too crazy. They all clean up, and one by one, Minseok's friends wish him happy birthday again before heading out. It's only when Baekhyun joins the others going out the door, looking back to wink exaggeratedly, that Minseok realizes that they're leaving him alone with Lu Han. "Was this your idea?" he asks after Baekhyun closes the door.

"Junmyeon's," Lu Han says sheepishly. "But I didn't argue." They're standing in the middle of the room, and Lu Han catches Minseok's hands to pull him close and kisses him, light but lingering. "I have something for you too, actually," he says when they break apart. "I'm not good at presents, but I thought I should get you something nice." He hands Minseok a smaller flat rectangular package.

"Another picture?" Minseok asks.

Lu Han grimaces. "Is it that obvious?"

"I don't know. It could be a bunch of condoms taped together."

Lu Han laughs hard at that. "That would be a little tacky."

Sure enough, it's another frame, this time with only a single picture in it. Minseok remembers Jongdae taking it a few weeks ago as they settled down to watch a movie because he was teasing Lu Han about clinging to Minseok. Minseok is sitting between Lu Han's legs, leaning back on his chest, his legs on top of Lu Han's. One of Lu Han's arms is wrapped around his chest and the other around his stomach and it does look pretty silly, but Lu Han is beaming and Minseok is smiling too. It's not a romantic picture, really, but they look happy and comfortable together, and that's remarkable to Minseok.

He looks up to see Lu Han smiling hesitantly at him. "I asked Junmyeon for advice and he went on about buying jewelry or other big things. I told him he was being ridiculous and you wouldn't want something like that, but..."

There's an implied question there, so Minseok says, "You're right. I don't need anything fancy. This is really nice."

"Yeah?" Lu Han is such a puppy sometimes, so eager for attention and praise, and thrilled when he gets it.

"Yeah. Thank you." He puts the picture down on his bed and gives Lu Han another kiss.

Lu Han grins. "I'm glad. Happy birthday." He kisses Minseok again, and asks. "Do you have stuff to do tonight?"

Given the way Lu Han's hands are already sliding down his back, Minseok can guess what the question is about. It's not an imposition, in this case, to go along with what Lu Han wants. "Nothing I can't procrastinate on."

"Good." Lu Han picks Minseok up and deposits him on the bed, narrowly missing the picture, and climbs up after him. It's harder than it was during spring break for Minseok to let go, knowing that Junmyeon is out there without him, but today, just for a little while, he doesn't think about that. It's his birthday, he reasons as Lu Han kisses him deeply; for once, he can indulge himself.

 

With the end of March, planning for the next school year begins. There's still over a month left before the end of this year, but considering how quickly the past seven months have passed, Minseok expects it will come quickly. His friends are both excited and nervous, talking about next year, but Minseok doesn't know what to think. Whether or not he'll be back next year is dependent on a lot of things: whether Junmyeon makes it safely through the year, whether the threat to him still exists, whether Minseok's bosses decide sticking with Junmyeon is worth the effort and resources, and if so, whether Minseok should continue to be the one assigned to this mission.

He asks Heechul about it and gets a shrug in response. "Nothing is decided yet, and it may not be decided until the end of the summer. For now, make your decisions as though you will be back, but don't count on it. And remember, be on your guard. If Organization X is going to make a move, they'll make it before the semester ends. They won't wait for Junmyeon to be back in Korea."

Minseok agrees with that, and he can also read between the lines: either Organization X will act, and he'll have to do something to stop them, potentially revealing himself and ending his mission, or they won't, and it will be clear that they're done here. Either way, the odds are good that he won't be back next fall. He refuses to acknowledge how that makes him feel, shoving those thoughts deep down. He's had some good experiences, but that's not what he's here for. He needs to focus on keeping Junmyeon safe until it's time for him to move on, whenever that turns out to be.

For now, regardless of what's ahead, he has to act like he's coming back next year, so he goes for an advising appointment and chooses his classes for next year (overlapping with Junmyeon where possible, even though he'd be happy to never take an English class again). He applies for a job in the school library because Junmyeon does (he said, "It'll look good to have some work experience even if I don't need the money," earning a covert eye roll from Lu Han), and Lu Han joins them, probably just because he doesn't want to be left out.

The other big decision to be made for next year is about living situations. Living in dorms all four years is the norm at this university, but after the first year, students are allowed to choose their rooms and roommates, with priority assigned by a random lottery. Everyone seems to be talking about room draw, deciding where they want to live and how likely they are to be able to, including Minseok's friends.

Lu Han is the first person to bring it up to Minseok, one afternoon when they're hanging out in his room. "Do you know where you want to live next year?" he asks, faux casually.

"I haven't given it much thought," Minseok says truthfully. If he's not going to be here next year, it doesn't much matter where he lives or who he lives with. If he does stay, rooming with Junmyeon would be ideal, but he can't think how he would make that happen. "How about you?"

"I don't know." Minseok can't see Lu Han's expression in his current position, leaning back on Lu Han's chest, but he can feel Lu Han tense and briefly stop tapping his fingers on Minseok's stomach. "I was thinking maybe we could get a double, but I don't know if that's a good idea. Junmyeon keeps telling me horror stories about couples who broke up while rooming together and were stuck with each other for the rest of the year. I think he's hoping I'll agree to live with him again next year instead."

Minseok looks around the room, which is less disastrously messy after their spring cleaning efforts, but not by much. "Would you? You've complained about him a lot."

Lu Han's fidgeting hand migrates downward, rubbing absently over Minseok's shirt just above his pants. That makes Minseok think this conversation won't last much longer, but he doesn't mind. He still always lets Lu Han start things, but he likes when it happens. "It might not be so bad. Maybe we can get a suite, so at least I'll have my own bedroom. I know we can get along living together, after this year."

"Then maybe you should." Minseok says.

Lu Han goes still for a brief moment, then starts tapping the button of Minseok's jeans, definitely hinting now. "What would you do, then, room with Baekhyun again?"

He sounds skeptical, but Minseok is surprised to find that the idea of another year living with Baekhyun isn't as objectionable as it once would have been. "I could, or maybe I'll be able to get a single." Lu Han finally gives up all pretense of subtlety and runs the back of his hand down over the zipper of Minseok's jeans, applying some pressure. Minseok lets out a soft sigh at the now familiar sensation of blood rushing between his legs. "You don't really want to talk about room draw anymore, do you?"

Lu Han chuckles. He's already pulling up Minseok's shirt and opening his pants when he answers, "No, I don't." He shoves his hand right into Minseok's underwear to touch him, and Minseok is struck by how familiar this has become, how quickly his body responds when before he had tamped down all sexual desire so hard he'd forgotten he had it. He gives himself up to it as much as he can and deliberately doesn't think about how he may not have much time left with Lu Han.


	9. Chapter 9

Minseok doesn't put any more thought into room draw until Baekhyun asks him about it two days later, when Minseok is doing his reading while waiting for Lu Han to get out of class and Baekhyun is doing whatever it is Baekhyun does. "Are you going to room with Han next year?" His question is as faux-casual, I-don't-care-except-I-really-do as Lu Han's was, which is more unusual from Baekhyun. Minseok doesn't know what to make of it.

"I don't think so. It's probably good to not be together all the time."

"And it would be awkward if you broke up." Baekhyun laughs his nervous laugh. "What do you think about us rooming together?"

"You'd want to live with me again? Not with Jongdae or someone?" Baekhyun and Jongdae get along so well, and they're a lot more similar than Baekhyun and Minseok.

"That asshole says he wants to try for a single." Baekhyun wrinkles his nose in displeasure for only a moment before he grins toothily. "But I like living with you, even if you are mean to me. We're good together, right?"

Minseok knows by now that Baekhyun considers him a good friend, but it's still strange to him, given the way he treats Baekhyun. What's even stranger is realizing that he's developed a fondness for Baekhyun. As annoying as he can be, Baekhyun has treated Minseok well, and his easy chatter has smoothed over a lot of situations that could have been awkward if Minseok were on his own. He flashes Baekhyun a genuine smile. "Yeah, I guess we are. We could live together next year, if you want."

Baekhyun crows so gleefully at that answer that Minseok almost regrets his words, but only almost. There's a good chance that his second year of living with Baekhyun won't happen, but if it does, he won't mind. If it doesn't, he thinks he'll miss Baekhyun a little when he leaves.

In the end, Junmyeon and Lu Han get their suite and Jongdae, Yixing and Amber all manage to snag singles, while Baekhyun and Minseok easily get their double down the hall from Jongdae and Yixing. It's in a different dorm from Junmyeon and Lu Han, which is not ideal, but Minseok will worry about that only if he does end up returning next year. For now, he's glad to have that taken care of and be able to focus on this year.

The pace of schoolwork is picking up and so are people's stress levels. It would make sense, Minseok thinks, to devote more time to homework to limit that stress. Instead, the pace of partying picks up too, at least for Minseok's group of friends. Now that the snow has melted, there's nothing to stop them from going out every weekend.

Minseok misses the days when Junmyeon was dating Krystal, not because he cares one way or another about their relationship, but because it was so much easier to keep tabs on Junmyeon at parties when he wasn't shamelessly flirting with every hot girl in sight and occasionally disappearing to have time alone with them, far worse than before he and Krystal got together. This is exactly the kind of situation where Organization X could easily get their hands on Junmyeon, so it makes Minseok more than a little nervous to have him out of sight for long, and he wants to avoid that.

Unfortunately, the first time Minseok tried to follow Junmyeon when he left with a girl, his friends thought he was making a hilarious joke. The second time, they were just confused. The third time, he managed to claim he was going to the bathroom and disappear for a while, but the fourth time, Baekhyun flat-out asked him if he had a crush on Junmyeon that Lu Han should be worried about and Minseok realized he needed to be more subtle.

He does have the tracker on Junmyeon's phone, but there's no way for him to sneakily keep an eye on it with so many people around (and Lu Han clinging to him more often than not). Besides, that will only tell him where Junmyeon is, not what's happening to him there. Junmyeon leaving the party with someone could be no cause for alarm, but then, an operative wouldn't need to take him off campus to pump him for information, or potentially do far worse.

Tonight, Junmyeon flirts with three different girls before he wins one over. She's a head taller than him, with curly black hair and a too loud laugh that makes it clear she's drunk. She's not so drunk that she doesn't know what she wants, touching Junmyeon more and more until she leans in unnecessarily close to whisper something in his ear, no doubt an invitation. Junmyeon smirks, which Minseok thinks makes him look sleazy, but the girl doesn't seem to mind, still happy to lead him away.

There's no reason for Minseok to be suspicious in this particular instance. He's on alert, but he always is, an instinct that he still has to struggle to tamp down in parties. It's not the first time Junmyeon's left with a girl and it won't be the last, and there's nothing inherently suspicious about it. But there's something prodding at his subconscious, telling him that he's not being paranoid feeling that something is off. He tries to figure out what it is, if there's really something, and then suddenly he realizes what felt wrong: the girl's eyes. Despite her loud laugh and drunken body language, her eyes were too sharp and clear for someone that drunk.

Minseok wants to immediately run after Junmyeon, but he can't make a scene, so he reluctantly forces himself to wait. Once he judges that it's been long enough, he extracts himself from Lu Han's grip, promising, "I'll be right back" when Lu Han protests. It's three and a half minutes since Junmyeon left now, so nobody finds it strange when Minseok heads off in the same direction. 

Only when he's out of sight of his friends does Minseok duck into a corner and pull out his phone, opening up the tracker and quickly entering the password. It tells him that Junmyeon has left the party already, but he seems to be moving toward their dorm. For a moment, Minseok wonders if he was wrong about the girl, but then, an interrogation could very well happen in Junmyeon's dorm room. He should trust his instincts, because it's better to be paranoid and deal with any resulting awkwardness than to find out he missed a real threat.

He sends Heechul an SOS to let him know there's a possible situation, then starts to jog toward the dorm, wanting to move quickly but not so quickly that he calls attention to himself. He's about to go inside when he hears someone running behind him and whirls around. He's prepared for a fight, but he's _not_ prepared to see Yixing running up to him. He tries to relax and smile like he's surprised but not worried, but before he can say a word, Yixing asks, "Are they here?"

"What?" Caught off guard, Minseok doesn't know how to respond. He realizes belatedly that Yixing doesn't look drunk either, his expression focused and intense.

"Junmyeon and the girl," Yixing says. "You're looking for them, aren't you? Are they here?"

"What...? How did you...?" Even as he asks the question, a lot of little moments that didn't mean much on their own (shared English classes, belated laughter, close friendship with Lu Han, wry looks when their friends were being silly) come together. It makes Minseok wonder how he could have _not_ noticed that there was something suspicious about Yixing.

"I'll explain later, but there's no time now. Just trust me; we both want to keep him safe from her."

Minseok is still wary, but Yixing is right that they don't have time to stand around and talk. "Fine."

"Let's go," Yixing says shortly. "Are you ready to act drunk?"

Minseok doesn't bother to ask what he means as they hurry into the dorm. He can figure it out. They catch Junmyeon and the girl just about to go into his room, and Yixing drawls, "Hey, Junmyeon!" mangling the syllables of Junmyeon's name much more than he usually does. "What are you doing?"

Junmyeon turns to them in confusion, and Minseok sees the girl tense, ready for a fight but not wanting to start something until she's sure. Yixing claps Junmyeon on the neck, and suddenly Junmyeon collapses. Minseok doesn't like the look of that, but he'll have to trust Yixing for now. He has a bigger problem on his hands in the form of this girl, who now knows they're the enemy and goes after Yixing. Minseok pulls her off of him, giving Yixing a chance to drag an unconscious Junmyeon into his room.

There's no one in the hallway, but that won't last, so Minseok wrestles the girl into the room, kicking the door shut behind them. She's taller than him, and strong, but Minseok is stronger. They've both got the technique to make this a tough fight, though it won't be easy in a small space like this, but then Yixing joins in, and she's no match for both of them together. 

She brings her hand to her waist like she's going for a weapon, and Minseok doesn't wait to find out what she has there, tackling her to the ground. He gets her arms pinned behind her, and Yixing sits firmly on her legs, but that doesn't stop her from continuing to struggle. "Who do you work for?" Minseok demands.

"And why would I tell you that? If you don't already know, that's your problem." This girl sounds annoyingly unimpressed considering her current position.

"We've got pretty good idea," Yixing says, sounding almost cheerful. "And don't think we'll have a problem interrogating you to find out more." Yixing's English, like Minseok's, is suddenly much better under these circumstances, his accent completely gone.

"Do you have any more of what you used on Junmyeon?" Minseok asks. "If she's not going to talk, there's no reason to drag this out."

"Just getting it out. One second." Sure enough, very soon after, the girl's body goes limp. "That should keep her out for hours, but it'd be best to keep an eye on her just in case. Who knows if she's on anything to block sedatives like this?"

"We can tie her up?" Minseok suggests.

"Do you want to explain that to anyone who sees her?" Yixing asks dryly. "I alerted my handler and she should be here any minute. She can take her away for us."

"Mine is coming too," Minseok says.

"We'll let them fight over who gets to keep her." Yixing sounds amused at the thought. Minseok wonders who his handler is, and if she's any match for Heechul.

"What about Junmyeon?" He's still lying unconscious on the floor where Yixing left him.

"He'll be out for the rest of the night. He probably won't even remember that he saw us, considering how quickly I knocked him out. If we put him in bed, he'll probably just think he had too much to drink." 

"But won't he wonder what happened to the girl?" Minseok asks.

Yixing frowns. "Maybe he'll just think he passed out before they managed to get anywhere, but we could take his clothes off so he thinks he had sex and she just left."

That seems weird but also like a sensible idea, so Yixing does that while Minseok keeps watch at the door, not letting himself feel bad about how they're stripping their friend who they drugged into unconsciousness. The drugging was for Junmyeon's own good, and the less he knows about the danger he's in, the happier he'll be. There's nothing to feel guilty about. Besides, Junmyeon may be Minseok's friend, but he's Minseok's mission first. There's no room for guilt when he's doing what needs to be done.

"Everyone must be wondering why we disappeared," Minseok says when he's done. "We should say something."

"Tell them I got sick and you brought me home. It would explain why we left suddenly, and why we didn't explain right away."

Minseok quickly types out a message saying that, and just as he sends it, Yixing's phone rings. A second later, as Yixing answers, Minseok's phone buzzes with a call from Heechul. "I'm outside, but a nice lady speaking Chinese is blocking the entrance. I don't suppose you know what that's about?"

Minseok glances over at Yixing, who's explaining the situation in a low voice. "That's probably my fri—a Chinese agent's handler. They're on our side this time."

"I'll go let them in," Yixing says. Minseok repeats that to Heechul, who agrees without making any effort to hide his skepticism.

Minseok keeps watch while Yixing goes upstairs, returning a minute later with Heechul and someone Minseok has seen before: Yixing's "cousin," Victoria. "She's your handler?" he asks Yixing.

Victoria smiles in a way that doesn't reach her eyes. "I am. We can introduce ourselves properly another time, but we have more pressing matters to deal with. What happened?" 

"She went after Junmyeon. We took her down." Yixing says it in English, but Heechul waves his hand dismissively.

"Speak in whatever language you want. We'll understand."

Yixing flashes Minseok a curious glance but doesn't ask any questions before he continues in Chinese, "She wouldn't say who she's working for, but it's not hard to guess."

"Did Junmyeon see anything?" Heechul asks the question in Korean, and Minseok isn't surprised at this point when Yixing shakes his head, clearly having no trouble understanding. "Good. Then we should get her out of here before anyone else sees."

"And who's going to take her?" Victoria asks.

Heechul looks unimpressed, and Minseok wonders if they're going to have some kind of standoff, right here in Junmyeon and Lu Han's dorm room with two unconscious bodies. "You haven't said yet who you work for."

"Neither have you," Victoria retorts.

"Korean government," Heechul answers without hesitation. "You?"

Victoria raises an eyebrow, probably more at how forthcoming he's being than at the answer itself. "Chinese government. We want to keep this kid out of that organization's hands. I think that's compatible with your mission at the moment, isn't it?"

"It is," Heechul grudgingly agrees. "What do you say we work on her together and figure the rest out later?"

Victoria eyes him thoughtfully for a moment before she nods. "All right. Let's get her and us out of here before people start asking questions."

When Heechul and Victoria and the still unidentified girl are gone, Yixing turns to Minseok and says, "We should talk now."

They go out in back of their dorm where there's a cluster of trees. The area is well-lit for safety reasons, but people don't go here at night, especially on cool nights like this. Minseok stops to listen and look around anyway, just in case, before he asks, "How did you know?"

"About you or her?"

"Me." The girl isn't Minseok's problem anymore. What he did, or didn't do, that gave him away to Yixing is.

"I wasn't sure," Yixing admits. "There were a lot of little things at first, like you not getting references that Baekhyun and the other Koreans made or looking like you'd never seen food before in your life. I was on the lookout for anything suspicious, and that stood out. Then, as you started acting more normal, I thought maybe you were just awkward, but the amount of attention you paid to Junmyeon made me wonder. Your reaction to the surprise party was telling too, even though you explained it away. And tonight, when you left right after Junmyeon and that girl, I knew I was right about you."

Minseok nods, not letting Yixing see his displeasure. "Is there anyone else you're suspicious of?" he asks instead.

"Everyone around Junmyeon is suspicious," Yixing says. "I had my doubts about Krystal until they broke up, but that wasn't based on anything about her except for dating Junmyeon. Lu Han too, but I think he really is just awkward." He laughs shortly.

Minseok nods. "If Lu Han's a plant, he's hiding it very well, and wasting a lot of easy opportunities to get to Junmyeon." If Lu Han is a plant, Minseok has massively misjudged him. He missed Yixing, but he's spent a lot more time with Lu Han, and there's nothing beyond his proximity to Junmyeon to make him suspicious

"I'm not ruling him out completely, but he's low on my list. Everyone's backstory checks out as far as my people could find, yours included, so that doesn't help us."

"Same. So you don't have anything worth sharing?"

Yixing shakes his head. "Our reasons for being here may not be exactly the same, but my bosses have decided it's not worth our while to kidnap Junmyeon when he has no useful information to extract. I want to keep him out of the hands of the same people you do, so I see no reason we can't collaborate from now on."

"Agreed." They shake on it (how very American of them, Minseok thinks) and then hurry back inside before their friends can get back and catch them in a lie. Yixing goes to his room, and Minseok peeks in on Junmyeon (still passed out on his bed) before going to his own room. Baekhyun's not back yet, so there's no one to ask what he's been up to or otherwise bother him.

It's not until Minseok is safely in bed that he really thinks about what happened. He was able to protect Junmyeon tonight, but it was a closer call than he likes, and he can't be sure things would have gone the same way without Yixing's help. This girl—this Organization X operative—was strong and no doubt as well-trained as Minseok, and Minseok didn't have a plan for dealing with Junmyeon either. What would he have done on his own? He would have figured something else out, probably, but there's no guarantee.

Beyond that, it's worrying that Yixing saw through him. Minseok's training wasn't just about learning how to fight and speak a range of languages and read human behavior. He's supposed to know how to blend in seamlessly, so that no one will ever suspect that he doesn't belong. If Yixing could tell that there was something off about him, then obviously he wasn't doing that. It's some comfort that Yixing said he's been acting more normal, but that's not enough. He can't afford to make any mistakes.

Has he been off his game, he wonders. Has he been too focused on the wrong things, worrying about Lu Han's feelings for him and his for Lu Han when he should have been thinking about playing the convincing college student, and about how best to keep Junmyeon safe? After so many months, maybe he got too comfortable, enjoying himself and forgetting the real reason why he's here. How could he do that when there's so much at stake, not only Junmyeon's life, but serious political effects for Korea and the world?

Minseok jumps when the door bursts open, because of course Baekhyun is far too drunk to be quiet and undramatic. "You're here!" he declares when he sees Minseok. "Is Yixing okay?"

"Yeah, I got him back to his room. He just needs to sleep it off." Minseok always thought his lies were smooth, but suddenly he's second guessing himself. What if he's nowhere near as convincing as he thought he was? Against his better judgment, he blurts out, "Baekhyun, am I weird?"

Baekhyun stares at him, cocks his head like a confused puppy, and then bursts out laughing. "You're asking me _now_ if you're weird? You've been weird since I met you, you loser."

"But how?" Minseok pushes. "What's weird about me?" Since he's asked the question already, he might as well follow through. If he's lucky, Baekhyun is too drunk to remember anything in the morning.

"I don't know. You're just...weird. Like how you're really smart about some things and clueless about others, or how your English isn't perfect but sometimes you use these big words even I don't understand. How you don't get jokes sometimes, or if you do, you laugh a little later than everyone else. How you don't like people touching you except Han."

That's a lot of things. Minseok frowns, then catches himself and tries to make his expression more neutral. "There, that too!" Baekhyun points at Minseok. "Sometimes you're so poker-faced it seems like you're doing it on purpose, but I don't know why you would. There's nothing wrong with having feelings, you know." Minseok frowns again and doesn't fight it this time.

"Look," Baekhyun continues, "it's okay if you're weird. I like you, and so does everyone else, and Han is totally in love with you. You're fine the way you are, so why are you worrying about it all of a sudden?"

"I'm just..." Minseok bites his lip, trying to think what he can say without giving too much away. "Do you ever feel like there's too much to balance and maybe you've forgotten what's most important?"

Baekhyun laughs. "All the time. Welcome to college, and probably all of adulthood. But don't think so hard about it. You're having fun and doing fine in your classes. You've got a hot boyfriend and awesome friends. What are you worried about? You don't have the fate of the world on your shoulders."

_That's what you think._ "You're right," Minseok lies, hopefully as smoothly as he thinks he does. "I guess I'm overthinking."

"No worries. It wouldn't be college without the occasional breakdown. Get some sleep, Minseokie."

Minseok throws his extra pillow at Baekhyun just on principle. He's not sure if it's because of that or the conversation, but he finds that while he's still worried, he feels a little better.

 

After the thwarted kidnapping attempt, everything changes and nothing does. On the surface, things remain the same. Minseok goes to his classes, hangs out with his friends and spends time with Lu Han. He and Yixing interact as they always have most of the time, and they don't stick conspicuously closer to Junmyeon. To anyone who doesn't know better, there should be no noticeable difference in their behavior.

But to Minseok, everything feels different. That he came so close to failing at his mission, to letting Junmyeon be used as a pawn against his father and potentially be hurt or killed, is like a splash of cold water shocking him out of his complacency. Despite his best intentions, he did let his guard down after all these months of nothing happening, and he can't afford to do that. The school year is coming to a close, and there's no doubt in his mind that Organization X will come after Junmyeon again before it's over. Minseok has to protect him from that.

The thought hounds him day and night, through classes and meals with his friends, and he can't even stop worrying about it when he's in bed with Lu Han a few days later. Junmyeon is in class, so it's not as if Minseok would be with him if he wasn't here with Lu Han, but he keeps thinking that he should be keeping an eye on the tracker, and perhaps positioning himself closer to the building where Junmyeon's class is, just in case something happens.

Minseok is a very capable multitasker, but it's too obvious that his mind is elsewhere when Lu Han is kissing his neck and trailing his fingers down Minseok's bare chest and Minseok barely reacts. He realizes that when Lu Han stops abruptly and lifts his head, frowning down at Minseok. "Are you okay?" he asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Minseok smiles with all the conviction he can muster. "Sorry."

"You don't have to apologize. It's just...you seem off the last few days. Did something happen?" Lu Han is so genuinely concerned, and Minseok feels even more guilty than usual. As if he hasn't already done enough to Lu Han without making him worry too.

"It's nothing," Minseok assures him. "I guess I'm just stressed about finals and summer plans and everything." 

Lu Han still looks skeptical. He sits up and leans against the wall like he's planning to have a long conversation. "You're never stressed. Are you sure nothing happened?"

For one fleeting moment, Minseok thinks about opening up to Lu Han and venting his worries. His friends seem to like doing that; would it make him feel better? But even if he was willing to tell Lu Han everything and doing so wouldn't put Lu Han in danger, it _would_ reveal that Minseok has been lying to Lu Han since they met, and it's unlikely Lu Han would want to comfort him after that.

Putting that fantasy aside, Minseok gets up too, climbing into Lu Han's lap and giving him a kiss to distract him. "I'm fine," he repeats firmly. "I'll be even better if you get on with things before Junmyeon comes back."

He can see that doubt on Lu Han's face as he tries to decide whether to push or let it go, studying Minseok's face like he can read the explanation for his mood there. Finally, to Minseok's immense relief, Lu Han kisses him, hands coming up to touch him. Minseok scoots in close, rocking against Lu Han, and he knows when Lu Han moans that he's safely distracted.

It's not quite the end of the conversation, though. Later, when they're curled up together, enjoying a few peaceful moments before Junmyeon gets back from class, Lu Han presses his lips to Minseok's temple and says softly, "It's okay if you don't want to talk, but remember that you can, any time you want, about anything. I talk to you about my problems all the time, but you keep everything to yourself. You don't have to do that. Anything is easier to deal with when you let people help you."

"Thank you," Minseok says. _If only you could help,_ he thinks. He does have help, from Heechul and Kyungsoo and now Yixing, but his other friends can't help him, and ultimately, this is his mission. If he fails to keep Junmyeon safe, that's his failure alone. If something happens to Junmyeon, who's been such a good friend to him, that's on Minseok's head. Even if it means worrying Lu Han, he can't forget what's important. He can't fail.

 

Minseok meets with Heechul on Thursday, making up a birthday for his "uncle" to explain the sudden change in their usual schedule. They need to discuss what happened and decide how to proceed, now that it's become clear that the threat to Junmyeon hasn't passed. This particular operative has been taken care of, but it's unlikely that Organization X will simply give up, particularly without knowing what happened to her. (Minseok doesn't actually know himself what happened to her, only that Heechul and Victoria weren't able to get anything out of her.)

"You need to be more vigilant now," Heechul says, "but it remains important that you maintain your cover. If it's necessary to tell Junmyeon what's going on to keep him safe, that's acceptable, but try to avoid that if at all possible. We don't want to tip his father off that we're watching him. And don't tell anyone else. We can't be sure there aren't more undercover agents among your group."

"I understand." Minseok's not pleased with the fact that he hasn't been blending in convincingly, so even without being told, he'd do everything he can to change that now.

They discuss strategies to identify kidnappers and deal with them without Minseok calling attention to himself. It was decided going in that it was too risky for him to carry weapons, considering that he has a roommate and people in close quarters all the time. It's even riskier now, considering how much Lu Han touches him and takes his clothes off, but Heechul gives him some innocuous-looking tranquilizer patches and a small folding knife. Minseok doesn't need weapons to fight, but now that he's seen one in action, he's not going to take his ability to defeat Organization X operatives for granted.

Besides that, the main change is how to look after Junmyeon at parties. Minseok has already agreed with Yixing to coordinate their efforts, allowing them to keep track of Junmyeon even if he goes back to the dorm, and Kyungsoo will join them on campus for those high risk times. Between the three of them, they should be able to deal with any threats, but Minseok's isn't as sure of that as he once would have been. While his determination has increased, his confidence is not what it was a week ago.

They also decide that it's important that they be able to track Junmyeon in the event that someone does get to him. The phone tracker is useful while Junmyeon is safe at school, but no kidnapper would be stupid enough to bring Junmyeon's phone along. They need something more discreet and harder to get rid of, and that's why Heechul suggests a subdermal tracker planted right on Junmyeon's body. Minseok agrees that it's worth the risk if it means being able to follow Junmyeon in an emergency, but he has every intention of making sure they never need to use it.

Kyungsoo is as unreadable as ever, but Heechul also seems more serious than usual, more overtly Student-like. It's understandable, considering the situation, but Minseok wonders what he's thinking. Is he judging Minseok, finding him lacking? He put his trust in Minseok until now, but he had no reason to doubt Minseok's abilities before. It's hard not to suspect that he has his doubts now, considering that Minseok is doubting himself.

When they're done talking, Kyungsoo leaves the room, and Minseok gets ready to head back to school. Heechul normally lets him see himself out, but today, he walks to the door with Minseok. "One more thing," he says, stopping Minseok with his hand on the doorknob. "Don't lose your nerve. You dealt with the situation acceptably. Revealing yourself to the Chinese agent isn't ideal, but mistakes happen. The real measure of your abilities is how you move forward and adapt. If your mission is successful, nothing that happens along the way matters."

That answers Minseok's question about what Heechul thinks of him, and it's not at all the response he expected. The trainers at School didn't give pep talks like this, never hesitating to call out mistakes or subpar performance. He doesn't know if Heechul is so different from those trainers or if it's only that things are different out in the field, but regardless, these are words he needs to hear. Heechul is right: he can't wallow in self-doubt. He has to focus and make up for his mistakes.

"I understand," he says. "I'll do what needs to be done." Then, on an impulse, he adds, "Thank you."

It feels silly and sentimental, and Minseok thinks Heechul might judge him for that if nothing else, but he only laughs, not unkindly. "Don't mention it. Have a good weekend."

 

Junmyeon claims, when Friday night arrives and they head to another party, that he's not going to drink too much after what happened last weekend. He assumed, given that he woke up naked in his bed, that he forgot an entire hook up, and he never got quite that drunk before. He speculated that maybe there'd been something in his drink, for him to blank out so completely, but he could have overdone it without realizing. (Minseok didn't point out that if he'd been that drunk, he probably wouldn't have had much luck having sex.)

There's no way to be sure, so Junmyeon says he's going to be careful from now on, maybe even cut back on the partying. Minseok would love that, both because it would make protecting Junmyeon easier and because he still doesn't like parties, but he's skeptical. Junmyeon does start the night off drinking more cautiously than usual, but nobody else is holding back, and all too soon he gives in and carries on drinking the way he always does. Minseok can't say he's surprised.

It's the first time putting the new party surveillance plan, such as it is, into action. Kyungsoo comes to the party and lurks around to keep an eye on Junmyeon if he goes anywhere. Minseok spots him leaning against the wall nursing a drink, but his presence isn't necessary today since Junmyeon sticks with the group all night. Yixing leaves early, waving off Jongdae's offer to keep him company. He's not really going back to his room but to position himself near the dorm entrance, waiting there in case of a similar situation to the week before. That doesn't seem to be necessary tonight either, but they're not going to take any chances.

To help their efforts, Minseok's supposed to plant the new subdermal tracker on Junmyeon this weekend. He was concerned that it would be a challenge, but he shouldn't have worried. All he has to do is follow Junmyeon and Lu Han back to their room after the party, stumbling along like he's as drunk as they are. They get in bed and in no time at all, Junmyeon and Lu Han both fall into the sound sleep of the very drunk, leaving Minseok free to do what he needs to do.

He extricates himself from Lu Han's bear hug and picks his way over the mess littering the floor to stand next to Junmyeon's bed, careful not to make any noise, though he doubts he needs to be. He injects Junmyeon with a mild sedative to be completely sure that he won't wake up, then uses a second syringe to place the miniscule tracker under Junmyeon's skin, in back just below where his waistband sits. It's so small that he's unlikely to ever see or feel it, and no one else should either. It's as simple as that.

 

Minseok usually eats breakfast alone, except when he decides to stay in bed until Lu Han wakes up, but on Saturday morning, while most of the school is sleeping off a fun night out, Yixing walks into the quiet dining hall and sits down across from Minseok. He looks a little drowsy, out of it, but Yixing often looks like that; Minseok's not sure, now that he knows what Yixing is, how much of it is real and how much is a front. 

"You don't get hungover at all, do you?" Yixing says, eyeing him.

Minseok shrugs. "I haven't yet."

Yixing smiles wryly. "That's a nice deal. I'm usually okay, but some mornings are tough." 

Minseok nods absently. Normally, he might try harder to make conversation, but he doesn't have to pretend with Yixing anymore. Yixing doesn't seem offended. He studies Minseok curiously for a moment before he asks, "Are there a lot of people like you?"

Minseok is taken aback by the question, asked so casually. "I can't tell you anything about our—about that."

"No, I suppose you can't. Then a different question." Yixing glances around briefly. There's no one sitting anywhere near enough to hear them, but he keeps his voice down anyway. "You're not a normal spy, are you? Someone who was recruited after a normal childhood."

Minseok probably shouldn't answer that either, but there doesn't seem to be much harm in it. Besides, it's a relief, in a way, to admit the truth. "No, I'm not."

"Were you born into it?" Yixing asks.

Minseok nods. "Were you?" He doesn't know if China has a similar program, but he wouldn't be surprised.

He's not sure Yixing will tell him the truth in return, but he answers easily, "No. But I was twelve when I was brought in, so I'm not exactly normal either."

It's hard for Minseok to imagine being recruited at the age of twelve. It's one thing to be born into a life of hard training and service, but surely it must have been harder to leave an ordinary life and family behind. Minseok's only been pretending to lead an ordinary life recently, and he still thinks it will be hard to leave it behind when it's time for him to go. Against his better judgment, he blurts out, "Do you regret it?"

Yixing looks perplexed by the question. "Being recruited?"

"Yes—well, no. Not that." Minseok stops, trying to figure out what it is he wants to ask and whether he should ask it. He probably shouldn't, but what's Yixing going to do? "Just not having a normal life," Minseok explains.

Yixing shrugs, and if he's pretending not to care, he's doing a good job of it. "Not really. I do miss what I left behind, but it's worth the sacrifice to do important things." He looks at Minseok, and suddenly his casual gaze feels piercing. "Do you? Regret it?"

Minseok doesn't know how to answer the question himself. He knew from a young age that most people didn't live like him and the other Students, but he didn't understand what he was missing until he experienced some of it for himself. Even now, he doesn't know what he missed out on growing up, but what difference would it make if he did? "It doesn't matter," he tells Yixing. "There was never any other option."

Yixing looks a little sad, and Minseok hates to think that he's pitying him. He doesn't want or deserve anyone's pity. "But you do believe that what you're doing here is important, don't you?"

"Yes," Minseok answers without hesitation. Whatever doubts he may have, about himself and his performance on this mission, he has no doubts about the mission itself, and no doubts that being a Student is an important role. This is what he was born to do, and it matters. He's sure of that.

Yixing smiles, a more mature, thoughtful smile than what Minseok is used to seeing from him. "Then it's worth it," he says firmly.

He's right. Minseok has a purpose, here and in his life in general. He didn't have a typical childhood and he's never going to have a typical life with friends and relationships and the other things he's had a taste of here, but that's not what's important for someone like him. Especially now, when everything in his mission is coming to a head, he can't lose sight of that.


	10. Chapter 10

With the end of the school year approaching, time seems to fly by. Minseok's friends and classmates comment on it, and he feels it too. It's hard to believe that it's approaching eight months since he arrived on campus, eight months of his very first mission. It feels like a long time, in a way, but when he thinks about the fact that his mission might be over in a few weeks, it suddenly feels like no time at all. Mostly, though, he doesn't spend much time thinking about it; he's focused on waiting for Organization X to make their next move.

A brief reprieve in the hurtling of time toward finals comes in the form of Lu Han's birthday in late April. Baekhyun suggests a surprise party for him "just because I want to see the ridiculous face he makes," but he gets shot down.

"It would be a great face," Jongdae says, "but it's too obvious after we did one for Minseok. Besides, do you really want to get thrown on your ass again?"

"Han is too nice to do that to me, unlike _some_ people." Baekhyun pouts at Minseok, but his lips keep twitching like he wants to smile. It's not as if Minseok would feel sorry for him anyway, but it's obvious that Baekhyun doesn't really mind. He likes any attention, even the not very nice kind Minseok tends to give him.

They end up deciding to keep things simple for Lu Han's birthday party, since it's on a Sunday night and there's a lot going on. There's nothing much to plan, but Minseok is aware that he needs to get Lu Han a good present, since it'll look strange if he doesn't. Besides, while Organization X coming after Junmyeon has reminded Minseok of his priorities, it hasn't made his feelings go away. He needs to maintain his cover, but he _wants_ to get Lu Han something nice after the thoughtful present Lu Han gave him. _Something to remember me by when I'm gone,_ he thinks, but quickly pushes the thought out of his mind.

Against his better judgment, Minseok asks Baekhyun's advice one night, with only a few days to go before Lu Han's birthday. "Put a bow on your head and call it a day," Baekhyun suggests, grinning. "You're just what Han always wanted. He'll be happy just having you there."

He's probably not wrong, but that wouldn't be much of a present. "I was thinking something a little more...tangible."

"Don't go using those SAT words on me." Baekhyun sticks his tongue out. Minseok thinks that will be the end of this line of conversation, but then he continues, "Really, though, frame a nice picture, or buy him a bracelet if you want to splurge, and write him a sappy note to go with it. He may not be all cheesy like Junmyeon or Jongdae, but Han is totally sentimental. He'll love something romantic, as long as it's subtle. Though I'd have fun if it wasn't subtle and he turned bright red."

"You're such a good friend," Minseok mutters.

"So you're saying that was a great idea?" Baekhyun asks cheerfully.

Minseok doesn't answer, but he thinks that Baekhyun has a point. It's not news to Minseok that Lu Han is something of a romantic, in his own quiet way. He'd feel guilty doing something to encourage that, but then, it's not as if he'd be lying. Maybe Lu Han deserves to hear how he feels. There's a lot Minseok can't say to Lu Han without giving too much away, but he can tell the truth: that Lu Han has come to mean a lot to him.

He decides to go with a picture, choosing one Lu Han took with Minseok's phone during spring break. It's perhaps not the best choice to print in the store and frame for Lu Han to put up, given that they were naked in bed when it was taken, but it doesn't show enough to be risqué. Lu Han made a lot of weird faces at the camera, but in this one, he's only grinning. Minseok's head is on Lu Han's shoulder and he's smiling too, looking a little bemused, but fond. Minseok's not sure, but he thinks Lu Han will like it.

He prints it out after he goes to meet Heechul on Sunday, and buys a frame and a card at the store. He sits on the bench at the bus stop to put the photo in the frame and write the card. It makes him feel oddly nervous, putting his thoughts down in writing, as though that will make them real. That's silly; his feelings are real whether he expresses them or not. It's hard, too, finding a way to say what he wants without feeling like he's lying (by saying that he's looking forward to next year, for example). He's tempted to give up and just write something generic, but he perseveres. In the end, he writes:

> _I'm sorry for copying your picture idea, but I'm not very good at presents either. I hope you like it and you don't mind that I'm not more creative._
> 
> _I hope you have a wonderful birthday and that the next year is a great one for you. I hope this past year was a good one too. It has been for me, and a lot of that is thanks to you. We never talk about feelings, and that's probably my fault, but I don't want you to think I don't care. Thank you for being patient with me, and for always being so good to me. I'm really happy I met you._

It's not much, probably, as sappy birthday messages go, but for Minseok, it's a lot. He's never expressed any genuine feelings so plainly, and especially not feelings like these. All the same, for once in his life, it seems like the right thing to do. This isn't about his mission, about doing what's expected of him, but about telling Lu Han how he feels. At least in this, he can be honest with Lu Han.

Minseok gives Lu Han his present at the same time everyone else gives theirs (more gag gifts, followed by a gift certificate that they all chipped in to buy). Lu Han doesn't say anything as he reads the card, but he gets a little misty eyed, prompting Baekhyun to yell, "Cheese alert!" Lu Han responds by throwing the candy thong Baekhyun gave him at his head and everyone dissolves into laughter, to Minseok's relief.

Still, he's unsurprised when Lu Han asks at the end of the party if they can talk. They leave the living room for Lu Han and Junmyeon's room (because Junmyeon is tactful enough to give them time alone), and Lu Han turns to face Minseok, a pensive little smile playing over his lips. "Thank you," he says quietly. "For the present. I don't mind at all that you kept it simple."

Minseok nods but stays quiet, not trusting himself to say the right thing in this situation. Lu Han doesn't seem bothered by that, continuing, "I'm not going to make you talk about feelings more. That's not really my thing either. But...I'm glad I met you too." His smile grows quickly, taking over his face. "It's been really good, being with you this year, and I bet next year will be even better."

The now familiar weight of guilt pushes down on Minseok at the thought that there isn't likely to be a next year for them, not together, but he forces himself to smile. He doesn't like it, but he can't let Lu Han get suspicious. "It will," he lies, and then he kisses Lu Han so that they don't have to talk anymore.

Lu Han is happy to let himself be distracted, so they fall into bed together. Lu Han's touches are soft today, and his kisses softer, saying more than his words did. Minseok wonders what his own body language is saying. He imagines it's _I'm sorry_ and _Please understand,_ but maybe also _Thank you._ It's Lu Han more than anyone else who opened Minseok up to feeling things he didn't know he could, and that's hard and it hurts, but he can't bring himself to regret it.

"Happy birthday," Minseok says afterward, kissing the words onto Lu Han's lips. Lu Han beams at him, and for just one little moment, Minseok lets himself imagine this continuing for another year and beyond, without end.

 

The end of the school year keeps hurrying closer, leaving Minseok on edge. He's waiting for Organization X to make their move, and the days remaining for that to happen are steadily dwindling down. _Will it be today?_ he wonders every morning as he checks Junmyeon's tracker. _Will I be ready for it?_ his recently developed self-doubt asks, but he has to believe he is. A full year undercover comes down to this, and he won't let it all be for nothing.

Beyond that unpleasant anticipation, Minseok feels the end hanging over him, not only of the school year but of this mission and everything that comes with it. No more hanging out with his friends. No more plentiful dining hall meals. No more Junmyeon, Baekhyun, Jongdae, Yixing, Amber and everyone else he's grown accustomed to seeing every day. No more Lu Han kissing him and touching him and making him smile. He's known all along that this wasn't forever, but he never would've thought, coming in, that he'd care so much when it ended.

There's plenty of distraction in the form of schoolwork, although Minseok spends much less time on that than his friends do. He remembers how he struggled with writing papers at the beginning of the year, but now the challenge is minimal. He still thinks symbolism is nonsense and opinion papers are a waste of time, but he's learned to say the right things and not think too hard about them. That's all it really takes for him to do well enough.

The last week of classes passes, and still Organization X does nothing. Minseok briefly entertains the thought that they only sent that one operative after Junmyeon and can't be bothered to follow up, but he dismisses it. Everything he knows about Organization X tells him that they wouldn't give up so easily if they want Junmyeon, which it appears they do. He hopes he's wrong, but he's not going to let his guard down until Junmyeon is safely back in Korea and out of his hands.

Finals week is strange because there are big tests and papers, but no classes, leaving their time relatively unstructured. Minseok continues going to the gym on his usual schedule, but everything else is thrown off. That free time should be spent on studying, but Minseok is no longer surprised to see his friends procrastinate like their lives depend on it. They linger over meals for hours, and Minseok gets roped into marathoning an entire anime series with Junmyeon and Lu Han, only to be dragged into pointless conversation with Baekhyun when he goes back to his room.

Finals officially end on Friday, but by Thursday afternoon, most people are done with their work. Most everyone who hasn't already left is moving out in the next few days, but that doesn't stop people from throwing end-of-finals parties, and it doesn't stop Minseok's friends from deciding to go to them. Minseok is on high alert, knowing this will be one of the last opportunities for Organization X to get at Junmyeon before he goes back to Korea for the summer, but he also wants to enjoy the night as much as he can. This is, in all likelihood, his last party, and one of his last chances to spend time with his friends. He can't say he'll miss parties, but he will miss his friends.

As expected, it's a wild party, everyone thrilled to have survived finals and made it through the school year, and wanting to get some fun in with their friends before they disperse to their hometowns or summer jobs. Minseok is relieved that his friends stick together tonight so he doesn't have to worry about losing Junmyeon in the noisy crowd or having him hook up with a potential threat. Yixing leaves early again, claiming tiredness and ignoring the protests of the group, and it makes Minseok feel more secure to know that he's keeping an eye on the dorm. Kyungsoo is around too, if anything happens.

Minseok isn't surprised that all his friends get spectacularly drunk. Baekhyun and Jongdae provide a chorus of extra loud laughter at literally everything anyone says or does. Amber stumbles and almost knocks Minseok's drink onto him, only his quick reflexes saving him. Junmyeon keeps making the dumbest jokes Minseok has ever heard, even from him, encouraged by Baekhyun and Jongdae's laughter. Lu Han waves his cup too enthusiastically and _does_ spill his drink on Minseok, thwarting Minseok's ability to dodge with his arm locked around Minseok's waist. It's not that bad, just some beer on one leg of his shorts, but it makes him really want to get out of here.

Thankfully, Lu Han agrees that that's probably a sign it's time to go, and Junmyeon decides to leave with them. They stop briefly on the way to the dorm for Lu Han to greet someone Minseok doesn't know (a classmate, probably), and Minseok takes advantage of the moment with Lu Han not attached to him to send an all clear notification to Yixing and Kyungsoo, now that they're safely out of the party and away from the crowds. He tucks his phone back into his pocket, and checks that the beer Lu Han spilled didn't reach the tranquilizer patch in his side pocket. He shouldn't need it at this point in the night, but it's there, just in case.

Once Lu Han's said goodbye to his friend, they continue on their way to the dorm. As they start to walk again, Minseok realizes that his head feels strange, like it's simultaneously so light it's trying to float away and so heavy it's a struggle to hold it up. He doesn't even notice that he's failing to walk in a straight line until Lu Han puts an arm around his shoulders to steady him. "You overdid it tonight, huh? I've never seen you this bad."

Minseok frowns, fighting to process Lu Han's words through the fog that has settled on his brain. He had a lot to drink tonight, but it wasn't significantly more than usual. He never even gets buzzed, and this is far beyond mild tipsiness. Not only that, but it seems to have hit him suddenly. That's not right, but he can't hold onto a thought long enough to remember why. For now, he needs to focus on staying upright, which is challenging even with Lu Han's help.

Somehow, he makes it back to the dorm and into a room—it must be Lu Han and Junmyeon's because Junmyeon is there, standing by the other bed as Lu Han deposits Minseok onto his. Minseok flops back onto the bed and closes his eyes because the world is spinning. "I...I'm..." It feels like there's something he should say, something important that he needs to do, but he just can't think like this.

Lu Han sits down next to Minseok, ruffling a hand through his hair. "Sleep. You'll feel better in the morning."

_But Junmyeon..._ Minseok thinks, but it's too hard. The thought slips away from him and despite his resistance, he falls asleep.

 

When Minseok wakes up, he's still terribly groggy and his head hurts. It's dark and he doesn't understand why he's awake until he hears the door open. Light peeks in from the hallway and sends a fresh stab of pain through Minseok's head, but he keeps his eyes open. He can think just enough now to realize that something is wrong, that he shouldn't feel like this unless someone did something to him. Did someone spike his drink? Who could have done it? Does that mean his cover has been blown?

"Amber?" he hears Junmyeon say. "What are you doing here?"

_Oh, it's just Amber,_ Minseok thinks. He barely has time to feel relieved before he hears a thump as Junmyeon crumples to the ground. A sudden jolt of adrenaline hits Minseok, helping him pull a little farther out of this drugged haze he's in. Amber? _Amber_ , of all people? It doesn't seem possible, but he doesn't think he's dreaming.

Minseok's whole body feels heavy, but he can't just lie here and watch Junmyeon get kidnapped or worse. With great difficulty, he pulls himself out of bed and stumbles over to the doorway. As difficult as it is to believe, it really is Amber standing there, looking the same as ever. "You?" he asks. It's a struggle just to get the word out.

Amber smirks. "You're stronger than I thought," she says casually, like this is an ordinary chat over dinner. "Those drugs were enough to knock out a horse."

In lieu of answering, Minseok aims a kick at Amber's chest, but he's not up to his usual speed and she's able to dodge. "I've wondered how good a fighter you are," Amber comments. "It's a shame I won't get to see you in top shape, but you understand that I couldn't risk that." Minseok manages to avoid the first punch she throws, but the second hits him in the cheek. He stumbles back and barely manages to stay on his feet. His adrenaline is really pumping now, but it's not enough to push the drugs Amber gave him out of his system.

Remembering the tranquilizer patch and folding knife he took to the party, Minseok reaches for his pocket, but he realizes with a shock that he's only wearing boxers. Lu Han must have taken his shorts off to let them dry. He casts a glance around, hoping they're close enough to grab, but with the mess in the room, there's no way he can spot them quickly. He's going to have to do this without weapons and hope that Amber is no better off.

He doesn't have time to dwell on that with Amber right in front of him. They trade blows for a while, Minseok getting some hits in, but not enough to stop her. He's taking a beating, but he's not about to give up. After so many months protecting Junmyeon, he can't fail now. This is his mission—his very first mission—and more than that, Junmyeon has become his friend. Minseok can't let him be kidnapped and used as a hostage or even killed. If he gives up, there's nothing standing in Amber's way.

In the heat of the moment, Minseok forgets that there's anyone else in the room until he hears Lu Han ask sharply, "What's going on?"

_Shit,_ Minseok thinks. He doesn't want Lu Han involved in this. He doesn't want Lu Han to get hurt, and he doesn't want Lu Han to see him like this, to see Amber like this. He doesn't want to shatter Lu Han's innocence, and selfishly, he doesn't want to see the hurt when Lu Han finds out what Minseok is and realizes his betrayal.

But it doesn't matter what Minseok wants because Lu Han quickly crosses the room. He's no trained fighter, but he doesn't hesitate, seeing Minseok in trouble. Amber is surprised enough for him to get one punch in, but then Lu Han realizes who it is he's attacking and stops short. " _Amber_?" He looks at Minseok, eyes wide, and then at Junmyeon, still unconscious on the floor. "What...? Why are you—?" He doesn't get to finish his question because Amber sends him flying. He slams into the wall and doesn't get up, and fear and anger flare in Minseok.

Gritting his teeth, he turns his attention back to Amber, attacking with renewed fury. He throws everything he has right now at her, hits her again and again, but she doesn't go down. She's strong, and like this, Minseok can't keep up with her. He catches Lu Han getting to his feet out of the corner of his eye, and feels a wash of relief underneath the cold fear that he isn't going to win this.

"Lu Han." He gasps in pain as Amber's fist hits him in the stomach. "Go get Yixing. Quickly."

To his credit, Lu Han doesn't ask questions. When Minseok wrestles Amber away from the doorway, he runs out in search of Yixing. "Him too?" Amber asks. "He blends in better than you do, I have to say. I didn't make him." She sounds breathless and looks more harried than before, but she shouldn't be able to still make casual comments while fighting Minseok. "Sorry, but I can't wait for him." Before Minseok's mind can catch up and realize what she means, she swings at him. There's a flash of pain and then the world goes black.

 

Minseok opens his eyes to a frantic Lu Han calling his name, his head aching even worse than before. Yixing is standing in the doorway, and there's no sign of Amber or Junmyeon. "What...?" The word doesn't want to come out, and he fights against the stupor of the drugs and quite possibly a concussion. "Was I out long?"

"Probably not." Yixing sounds much calmer than Lu Han, but his expression is pinched with worry. "We just got here."

"Amber." Minseok struggles to sit up, ignoring the pain in his head and too many other places. "She took Junmyeon. She can't have gone far..."

"I'll go look." Yixing doesn't wait for approval, running out the door immediately.

Minseok wants to help, but it's all he can do to stay upright sitting down. His body, as well-built and well-trained as it is, still has its limits, and he's fast approaching them. Lu Han puts an arm around him, and that helps, but the last thing Minseok wants to do right now is face Lu Han and the questions he must have.

"Minseok?" Lu Han sounds so hesitant, and when Minseok looks at him, the hurt is plain on his face. "What...who are you?"

There doesn't seem to be any point in lying now. After what Lu Han has seen, he already knows too much. "I'm a spy," Minseok says. "I'm on a mission."

"You..." Lu Han trails off and shakes his head like he doesn't want to believe it. "Then...was it all a lie? Everything about you? Everything..." He doesn't need to finish for Minseok to know what he's really asking about. Minseok has been dreading this moment for a long time, but having to look Lu Han in the eye as he realizes Minseok's deception, it hurts even more than he expected. He can only imagine how much more it hurts Lu Han, who had no idea this was coming.

Minseok thinks about his time here in college. He thinks about the parties and the hours talking in the dining hall, about Baekhyun's efforts to make everyone laugh and Junmyeon's stupid jokes and thoughtful comments. He thinks about Lu Han's smile and the adoring way Lu Han looks at him, about Lu Han holding him and Lu Han kissing him, about Lu Han making him feel things he couldn't ignore. "No," he says. "It wasn't."

He can see that Lu Han wants to ask more, but there's no time for that now, not with Junmyeon in danger. Minseok tries to get up, but his entire body protests and he slumps back to the floor. "Wait," Lu Han cautions.

"My phone..." He needs to alert Kyungsoo, if he's still on campus, and he needs to call Heechul. He doesn't want to admit his failure, but this is no time for ego. They need to get Junmyeon, and if they hurry, they may be able to do it before Amber gets him to somewhere it'll take a massive assault to break into.

"I'll get it." Lu Han grabs Minseok's phone from the pocket of his shorts and hands it over, kneeling beside him again as he waits to see what Minseok is going to do. He looks like a kicked puppy, and Minseok feels guilty, along with other emotions that are even harder to bear, but he can't do anything about that now. There's far more at stake here than Lu Han's feelings, or Minseok's.

It only takes a few taps to send an SOS to Kyungsoo, but he's probably too far away to help by now. Once that's done, Minseok calls Heechul and lifts the phone to his ear, ignoring the way his hand shakes. It's four-thirty in the morning, but Heechul answers on the first ring. "What is it?" The fact that Minseok is calling him, especially at this time, especially so close to the end of the school year, already tells him that something is wrong.

"Junmyeon." Speaking still requires a herculean effort. "Amber. My friend Amber. She was a plant. She took him."  
"What? How?" It's the first time Minseok's ever heard Heechul raise his voice. He tries not to care.

"She drugged me. I couldn't... I tried to fight, but I..."

"Nevermind," Heechul says, voice sharp. "Where are you now?"

"My dorm. Yixing went to look for her, but he's not back yet. I haven't checked the tracker..."

After a few seconds of silence, Heechul says, "There's no signal." As if it would be that easy. He immediately continues, "I'll be there in fifteen minutes. Meet me at the entrance. You won't be coming back." Minseok knew it was coming, but the words still leave him feeling cold. After everything he's experienced this year, everything he's learned and all the ways he's changed, this is how it ends.

Heechul hangs up, and Minseok puts his phone down. His hand is still trembling. He tries to stand up, and when he struggles, Lu Han wordlessly helps him. Minseok hates feeling weak like this, but he's in no position to refuse help. "I'm sorry," he tells Lu Han without looking at him. "I have to go quickly. We have to find Junmyeon." He finds his shorts draped over the back of Lu Han's desk chair and puts them on as quickly as he can.

"I understand." Lu Han is so quiet, so unlike himself.

Minseok shivers suddenly, violently. His body is ready to quit, but he needs to hold on. He needs to get to Junmyeon. "Here." Lu Han grabs one of his sweatshirts and helps Minseok put it on, then pauses with his hands on Minseok's shoulders. "Minseok..."

Whatever Lu Han wants to say is lost as Yixing runs back into the room, out of breath. "I looked all around, but she didn't leave a trail," he says. "She must have had a car waiting, and she covered her tracks. What are you going to do?"

"I called my handler. He's coming to get me. We'll try to catch them before they get out of town."

Yixing nods. "I'll do the same on my end, then. Loop us in if your bosses are willing."

"Of course."

For a moment, Yixing looks like he wants to say something more, but then he just gives one more curt nod to Minseok, flashes Lu Han a sympathetic look, and jogs out.

"So much going on right under my nose," Lu Han mutters as he grabs his phone and keys, handing Minseok his own keys. Minseok won't need them anymore, but he puts them in his pocket anyway, along with his phone. "Was Junmyeon a spy too?"

Minseok shakes his head, regretting the motion when his head gives an extra twinge. "It's not about him. His father's company makes him a target."

They head out, moving as quickly as Minseok can handle, Lu Han's arm around him to help him along. Minseok has had Lu Han's arm around him so many times, but it feels very different now. "Please find him," Lu Han says as they walk down the hall. "Junmyeon. Keep him safe."

"I will." It's Minseok's fault that Junmyeon got taken. He should have been able to fight despite the drugs. He should have been more careful at the party. He should have blended in better so no one would suspect him. He should have recognized Amber for what she was and taken her out a long time ago. Would he have succeeded in his mission if he hadn't let himself be distracted by enjoying college life, by his first taste of friendship and love? He won't forgive himself if Junmyeon dies because he wasn't disciplined enough.

Lu Han doesn't say anything more, just keeps his arm around Minseok as they walk down the stairs and out the door into the cool night air. It's not long before Heechul's car pulls up. There's someone in the front seat: Kyungsoo, Minseok realizes as the car gets closer. That means they're ready to go, which is good, aside from the part where Minseok feels like he's about to pass out. He'll be no use to anyone like this, but he needs to be.

The door opens and Heechul steps out, looking Minseok up and down before glancing at Lu Han. "Do we need to do something about him?" he asks flatly, and Lu Han gasps.

"No. He won't tell."

Minseok's relieved when Heechul accepts that without question. "Go back to your room," Heechul tells Lu Han. "Later in the day, when it makes more sense for you to notice, report that Junmyeon is missing, so no one will suspect you. Understood?" Lu Han nods mutely. "If anyone asks, to the best of your knowledge, Minseok slept in his room last night and you haven't seen him since." Lu Han nods again. Satisfied, Heechul turns to Minseok. "Let's go."

There's so much Minseok wants to say to Lu Han. He wants to apologize for lying to him and for using him, and maybe also for falling for him. He wants to tell Lu Han that his backstory was a lie, but he was himself, mostly, and more and more so with time. He wants to make Lu Han understand that what they had may not have started out real, but it was in the end, that he wasn't the only one who cared. But there's no time for that, and wouldn't it be selfish when he's leaving anyway? Better to let Lu Han hate him than to have him pine for Minseok when he's gone.

In the end, he only says, "Goodbye," pulling away from Lu Han and ignoring how much colder he feels without Lu Han's arm around him. Looking back, he sees Lu Han's lips form the same word in response, but his voice is too soft to hear. Their eyes meet for only a moment and then Minseok turns away and gets into the car.

He falls gratefully into the back seat, but sitting isn't enough at this point. The minimal exertion of walking to the car has left his head spinning. "Here," a low voice says, and Minseok slowly lifts his head to see Kyungsoo offering him an auto-injector.

"It should counteract whatever the plant gave you," Heechul explains. "Not completely, and it won't feel too good, but it'll keep you going long enough to get through this. We can't afford to be down a man, and I expect you don't want to sit this out anyway."

"No." Minseok takes the auto-injector, tightening his trembling hand around it. He pulls up his shirt and, without hesitation, presses it into his stomach and pushes the button on top. The injection burns fiercely going in, and his heart starts to race unpleasantly, but it does make him feel less like he's going to pass out at any moment.

Heechul gives him maybe a minute to recover as they drive off campus before he says, "Tell me everything."

Minseok gives his full report, starting with the party and the way he felt after it and ending with Yixing going to contact his superiors, not leaving anything out except the details of his interactions with Lu Han. Lu Han's feelings—and his own—have no bearing on the mission, and Minseok doesn't want to think about them right now. He can't afford to be distracted when Junmyeon's life is on the line. Besides, that part of his life is over and gone for good. It's time to move on.

Heechul calls Victoria when they're done, and Minseok closes his eyes and listens to them talk in rapid-fire Mandarin, gathering his strength for whatever's coming. He has to believe that it's not too late to rescue Junmyeon, but he's under no illusions that it will be easy. If Organization X wasn't a powerful threat, he wouldn't be here in the first place. Even with Yixing and Victoria, there are only five people on their side here, and there's no telling what they're up against.

He turns his full attention back to what's going on in the car when Kyungsoo interrupts the conversation to say, "The tracker is back on. They're at the northeast edge of town. I'll get directions." He's silent for a few seconds, and then he says, "Wait, it's gone again." Minseok's heart sinks, but Kyungsoo continues, "We're only three minutes away."

"Let's go." Heechul quickly relays the information to Victoria and then hangs up. To Minseok, he says, "There's some gear back there for you. Get ready to go. We don't know what we're going into, so assume we'll be facing a full firefight." He spares a brief glance back at Minseok. "Are you up for this?"

Minseok is all too aware that he's nowhere near his best, but he's not going to give in. His weakness already allowed Amber to take Junmyeon. If he has to hold himself upright by sheer force of will, he'll get through the upcoming fight. "I'm fine." Heechul must know he's lying, but he doesn't question it. They need Minseok, whatever condition he's in.

"That last known location is a house," Kyungsoo reports. "Approximately eight rooms. No second story, but I can't determine whether there's a basement." 

While he speaks, Minseok quickly changes into the gear prepared for him. He trades his shorts for a pair of pants, and keeps his shirt on but puts a bulletproof vest and a jacket over it, all black. There's a small transmitter for communication that he clips to his ear. He puts on a belt and attaches an array of weapons including two guns, a regular one and a tranquilizer gun in case any civilians get in the way. It's been a long time since Minseok dressed like this, and since he handled guns. It feels familiar but foreign at the same time, like going home after time away and realizing that the place hasn't changed but you have. Minseok pushes that thought to the back of his mind, focusing on the task at hand.

In a little less than three minutes, thanks to Heechul speeding, they arrive at the house in question, on the edge of a quiet neighborhood, next to a small park. It looks like an ordinary house, painted in nondescript colors, with a nice but simple front yard. It doesn't look like a safehouse for a dangerous multinational organization, but it wouldn't be of any use if it did. 

"This is it?" Heechul asks.

"Yes," Kyungsoo confirms. "No further signal from the tracker, but it was right at this house before it turned off."

"They must be jamming the signal," Heechul says. "We can't be sure, but we'll have to assume they're in here." He parks the car on the other side of the street. "Victoria and Yixing are coming to back us up, but we can't wait. Until they arrive, it's just the three of us. Be prepared for anything in there." He turns to look at Minseok, face impassive. "The goal is to keep Kim Junmyeon out of enemy hands. If possible, we want him alive, but better dead than alive to serve as a hostage. Understood?"

"Understood," Minseok answers, together with Kyungsoo. He understands, but that doesn't mean he accepts it. If Junmyeon's already dead, there's nothing he can do, but if there's a chance to save him, he's going to take it, no matter what Heechul says. This is his mess, his mistake, and he won't accept that there's no fixing it.

"Then let's go," Heechul says shortly. "We'll split up to search, but stay in contact."

They don't waste any more time talking. It's still dark outside and there are no streetlights here at the end of the street, so they can sneak up to the house, pulling their guns in preparation for whatever is inside. Minseok's heart is pounding, but he thinks that's more a reflection of his current physical condition than being afraid. He trained hard to be ready for situations exactly like this, and he has to believe that he is.

Kyungsoo goes first, kicking the door down with ease that surprises Minseok, not because he doubts Kyungsoo's strength, but because he would have expected Organization X to have a more heavily-fortified safehouse. They may not have a reinforced door, but they do have a guard who tackles Kyungsoo the second he steps inside. Minseok doesn't waste time evaluating the situation, trusting Kyungsoo to take down a single guard. He jumps right over them, continuing into the house.

His mind isn't working at its usual speed, even with the pick-me-up injection keeping him going, so it takes Minseok a few seconds to register the face of the guard: it was Daniel, who he suspected of being after Junmyeon on Halloween. Under other circumstances, Minseok might feel vindicated, knowing that he was right to be suspicious. Now, he doesn't care; it doesn't matter when he missed the danger right in front of his face and allowed Junmyeon to be taken in the end.

The second he turns the corner, a shot rings out, and Minseok barely manages to throw himself through a doorway into a thankfully empty room to avoid being shot. He kneels just inside the door, cautiously peeking out to fire back. The hallway is dimly lit, but after being outside in the dark, Minseok can see clearly enough to make out the shooter, in another doorway at the far end of the hall.

"Cover me," Minseok hears Heechul whisper, barely loud enough for him to hear through the earpiece and definitely not loud enough for the other person to catch. "I'll go the other way."

Minseok does as he's told, firing to keep the shooter down until Heechul safely ducks into another room. He waits a few seconds, long enough for his opponent (a woman, he thinks, not that it matters) to think he's done, keeping his gun up and his finger on the trigger. The moment the woman leans out again, he fires, and he's rewarded with a muted but audible grunt of pain as he scores a hit on her shoulder, significant enough to make her drop her gun. He pushes the advantage and fires three more rounds in swift succession. Two shots in the chest aren't enough—she's probably wearing a bulletproof vest too—but the third hits her in the neck and she goes down.

It's not until Minseok gets up and runs down the hall toward the woman he just shot that he realizes he's looking at another familiar face: Suzy, who came with Amber to Thanksgiving dinner. He should have been suspicious of Amber's "local friends," but Amber's behavior always seemed far too natural for her to be a plant, and her "friends" were equally friendly and comfortable around people. That was Minseok's biggest mistake, thinking that other undercover operatives would be like him.

Suzy isn't dead yet, but with the way she's bleeding, she won't last long without help, or probably even with help. If Minseok was thinking more clearly, or if he wasn't so focused on his objective, he might think about how this is the first time he's killed anyone. If he did, he might feel guilty and stop and hesitate. As it is, all he can think about is Junmyeon. They can't be sure that he's here, but if he is, Minseok has to get to him. They can't be sure he's alive either, but Minseok won't let himself consider the alternative.

Minseok doesn't waste time, only grabs Suzy's pistol from the floor and tucks it into his belt in back. Kyungsoo said there were eight rooms in the house. Minseok saw the inside of one so far, and there were three in the direction Heechul went. He looks into the room Suzy is in, but there's no one there, and barely even any furniture. There is a closet, which he checks, but it's completely empty. "One down," he reports, keeping his voice low. "I checked two rooms and there's no sign of Junmyeon or much else."

"Two empty rooms here," Heechul responds. "Going to the third. Kyungsoo?"

"A little busy," Kyungsoo grunts. There's a crash, like something (or more likely multiple someones) hitting a wall.

"Be there soon," Heechul says. "Minseok, keep going."

Only a few seconds later, Minseok hears a shot and then another. He thinks it's Heechul helping out Kyungsoo, but then he hears Heechul yell, "Hey!" sounding offended that someone dared to shoot at him. 

Minseok wonders if he should go back, but he decides he should continue on. Anyone else in the house must have heard the noise, and they'll be here any minute to join the fight. Sure enough, two people round the corner, pausing when they see Suzy on the ground. Minseok ducks back into the closet just in time to avoid being spotted. One of the newcomers, an older man who Minseok doesn't recognize, runs past, continuing toward Heechul and Kyungsoo and their opponents. The other stops, but not to check on Suzy. He steps right over her and into the room, gun drawn. Minseok's no longer surprised to recognize another operative: Jackson, Amber's other "local friend."

Minseok doesn't hesitate; with the room nearly bare, it'll be far too easy for Jackson to find him. He fires several shots through the cracked open door. Jackson's wearing a bulletproof vest too, and that keeps him going long enough to fire once, but at this range, Minseok can't miss. A shot in the head has Jackson crumpling to the ground, probably dead before he hits the floor. It's an uncomfortable feeling, remembering that Jackson was friendly to him at Thanksgiving, but Minseok reminds himself that that was all a ruse.

Minseok can hear a lot of shooting nearby, and he quickly leaves the closet, not knowing how thick the wall is between him and the entranceway. He wonders again if he should help Heechul and Kyungsoo, now that it's at least three-to-two, but before he can turn around, he hears Kyungsoo, sounding remarkably calm but a little out of breath, in his ear. "Reinforcements are here."

Hearing that, Minseok runs on. The room across from this one is completely empty, not so much as a piece of furniture. Including the ones Heechul checked, that makes six rooms. Minseok is about to go into room number seven when another door bursts open, so close that Minseok doesn't shoot but instead dives at the person who comes out of it, knocking them to the ground. He doesn't recognize the woman, although she looks young enough to be a college student, but whoever she is, she fights hard, struggling to throw Minseok off.

It's not easy for Minseok to resist. He's holding up better than during his fight with Amber, but he's still far from his best. His heart is racing and his arms and legs feel weak compared to what he knows they're capable of. He can't afford to be weak, not now. He grits his teeth and fights back, trying to pin the woman down. If he can hold her down long enough to grab Suzy's gun, he'll be able to get in a shot that ensures that she won't be getting back up, but that's asking a lot.

"Minseok, go right," says a familiar voice that Minseok is happy to hear for a change: Yixing. Minseok quickly obeys, rolling to the right and off of his opponent. There's the bang of a gun going off way too close for comfort as Yixing fires, and blood splatters on Minseok from a glancing hit to the woman's face. Minseok scrambles up and out of the way just in time for Yixing to fire twice more. "There were a lot of them at school, huh?" Yixing comments, apparently recognizing her even if Minseok doesn't.

Minseok is distracted by the sight of what the door this woman came through opens to: a set of stairs going down. "There's a lower level," he tells Heechul and Kyungsoo. "I can't tell how big. I'm going down."

"Good," Heechul answers. "We'll be there as soon as we can."

"I'll come too," Yixing says. Minseok has already started running, and he hears Yixing follow behind him. They're met with gunfire at the bottom of the stairs, and Minseok has to jump back, bumping into Yixing. One bullet comes close enough to rip a hole in his pants at the calf, but he fires back, making this shooter retreat long enough for him and Yixing to enter a room, trading fire from the doorway like before.

The lower level seems to be one long hallway, with three rooms besides this one on the sides and one at the end. The shooter is in the last room before the end, on the same side as them. The two doors on the other side are open, but if there's anyone in them, they're hiding for now. Only the door at the end is closed, making Minseok think that if Junmyeon is anywhere, it'll be there. 

But how can he get there, with someone shooting at him from so close by? He didn't get a good look at the shooter, so he doesn't know if it's Amber or if she's still somewhere else, waiting to attack. There's also no telling if there are more people lurking around. Organization X seems to have brought in a lot more reinforcements than Minseok's bosses gave him. They have to fight better or they'll be overwhelmed.

"How fast can you run?" Yixing whispers, just behind Minseok. He pauses to fire off a few shots. "The hallway isn't long. I should be able to cover you long enough to get you into the room at the end."

So he had the same thought as Minseok about where they need to get. It's a dangerous proposition, running down this narrow hallway with Yixing firing and the enemy potentially firing back, but Minseok doesn't see a good alternative. For all he knows, there may be more reinforcements on the way, or any remaining agents of Organization X may decide to kill Junmyeon if it looks like the fight isn't going their way. They have to get to them, and they have to do it now.

"Do it," Minseok says. "Tell me when to go."

"Ready?" Minseok takes a deep breath, and gets a good grip on his gun. "Three, two, one, go!" 

Yixing's cover fire is disturbingly close, despite Minseok crouching down and sticking to the far wall, but Minseok does his best to tune it out. Either he'll make it to the room at the end or he won't, but it's too late to turn back now. He's bracing himself for the pain of a bullet hitting him, from the front or the back, but Yixing must be good at what he does, because Minseok finds himself at the far end of the hall, grabbing for the door.

He flings open the door and jumps into the room, but he doesn't have a chance to feel relieved, because _now_ a bullet hits him. There's a sharp stab of pain in his left thigh, and before he can react, another shot that hits his lower chest, on the right side. The bulletproof vest stops the bullet, but the force of the impact alone makes Minseok stumble back, pain spreading all over his chest. Somehow, Minseok manages to raise his arm and fire several times in the direction of his attacker.

"I should've just killed you earlier. This is what I get for feeling sorry for you, looking so pathetic." Minseok doesn't realize until he hears the voice that the person shooting him is Amber. He fights the pain and looks up to see Amber smirking at him, despite being on the ground. She's sitting with one leg folded beneath her, bleeding from one arm and somewhere else that Minseok can't immediately spot, and her gun has fallen out of reach. Behind her is Junmyeon, unconscious (Minseok hopes) and tied to a chair.

If this were one of those action movies Minseok's friends like to watch, he and Amber would stay like this for a while, trading barbs and discussing their mutual deception and perhaps their feelings, but this is reality. They're both smarter than that, and besides, with these new injuries, Minseok won't last much longer. He pulls the trigger on his gun again, ready to end this, but at the worst possible time, his hand shakes, sending the bullet flying uselessly over Amber's shoulder.

In the time it takes Minseok to fire again, Amber grabs a second gun that was hidden from his view. She fires almost as Minseok's bullet hits her, and that's probably what saves his life, throwing off her aim enough that the shot hits him in the leg again, just below the knee. For a few seconds, all Minseok can focus on is the searing pain, radiating out from the wound, and he grimly thinks, _This is bad,_ but Amber is down, no longer a threat to him or Junmyeon. That's all that matters.

Minseok doesn't know how he manages to walk over to Junmyeon given the current state of his leg and everything else, but he does. He checks Junmyeon's pulse and is incredibly relieved to find that he's breathing. "I'm sorry," he says quietly, as if Junmyeon could hear when he's out cold. "I shouldn't have let it come to this. I should have kept you safe." He pulls a knife from his belt and cuts Junmyeon's bonds as quickly as his shaking hands will allow. 

Junmyeon slumps to the side without anything holding him up, and Minseok catches him. His entire rib cage hurts so much it's hard to breathe and he's bleeding all over the floor, but Minseok's attention is focused on Junmyeon. He's so close, but he has to finish this. He has to hold on long enough to get Junmyeon to safety. He puts one arm underneath Junmyeon's knees and the other behind his back and scoops him into his arms, staying upright with the added weight through sheer stubbornness.

Minseok has only taken three steps when someone appears in the doorway. His vision has gone blurry and he blinks to clear it, grimly thinking that if it's the wrong person in front of him, he and possibly Junmyeon are done for. He tries to reach for his gun without dropping Junmyeon, but then he registers Yixing's voice. "Don't shoot. It's just me." Then, a moment later, "You're hurt!"

"I'm fine." Minseok takes another step forward, his injured leg threatening to give out.

"All clear up here," Kyungsoo's voice in his ear tells Minseok.

"What's your status, Minseok?" Heechul asks.

"All clear." There's something wrong with Minseok's voice, so thin and raspy. "I have Junmyeon."

Heechul says something else, but Minseok doesn't hear it, because Yixing says, "Here, Minseok, let me take him. You shouldn't be walking on that leg." He tries to take Junmyeon out of Minseok's arms, but Minseok resists. He and Yixing have been cooperating recently, but who's to say that their goals are still the same, now that Organization X is out of the way? He's made too many mistakes, failed to recognize too many threats. He can't risk letting Junmyeon go now, not when he can't be completely sure of Yixing.

Yixing doesn't fight him, which is good because Minseok couldn't stop him if he wanted to take Junmyeon. Everything is catching up to him now, the drugs and Amber knocking him out and two gunshot wounds plus any blunt force trauma from the hit to his vest. The pain is cresting to a level that he can't ignore and his head is swimming, his heartbeat pounding in his throat. He's held on this long, but he's pushed his body far past its limits, and he won't last much longer.

Minseok hears the pounding of feet in the hallway, but dimly, like they're far away. The voices that come with those feet sound the same, Heechul asking, "Are you injured?" and then Kyungsoo's low voice saying, "I've got him" as he takes hold of Junmyeon. Minseok knows he can trust Kyungsoo, so he lets go this time, a feeling of relief washing over him at the knowledge that they've succeeded and Junmyeon is safe.

"Minseok?" Heechul asks, and that's the last thing Minseok hears before it all becomes too much. His legs gives out beneath him, and the world fades into darkness.


	11. Chapter 11

Minseok wakes to an unfamiliar sound, a steady beeping that he doesn't identify as a heart monitor until he opens his eyes and sees the screen, and the stark hospital white all around him. He blinks against the bright lights and tries to look around, but his whole body protests. His left leg is immobilized and swathed in gauze, and a gauze patch covers his chest where the other bullet struck him. There's a dull ache in his chest, and a stronger one in his leg, but muted. That in combination with the cotton wool feeling in his head tells him he's on painkillers and the injury is probably worse than it feels.

It's so quiet besides the monitor that Minseok thinks he's alone in the room, but then he spots Heechul standing at the door, in a guard position. "Good to see you awake," he says, turning to look at Minseok. 

"Where are we?" Minseok asks, and then, without waiting for an answer, "Did we get Junmyeon out?"

"Yes, he's safely on a plane to Korea," Heechul says. There's the faintest hint of a smile on his lips for just a moment, but Minseok can't tell what it's about. "Kyungsoo went with him on a private flight, so you don't need to worry." He goes quiet, but then he remembers Minseok's other question. "We're in the hospital. We had to rush you here for surgery. You're lucky that all the bullet to your ribs did was give you some impressive bruising and a minor laceration, but Amber did a number on your leg. They spent a long time putting it back together."

Minseok doesn't want to think about Amber. In the heat of the moment, with Junmyeon right there and his own life in danger, he didn't hesitate to do what needed to be done, but now, it's harder to forget all the times she made him smile. He can tell himself that none of it was real, that she never felt the slightest hint of affection for her supposed friends or doubted what she was doing, but Minseok was undercover just like her, and that wasn't true for him. He'll never know if it was for Amber.

Changing the subject, he asks, "How bad is it?"

Heechul's expression doesn't change, but the studious blankness of it is warning enough that it's not good news. "You'll walk, the surgeon told me, but not without a limp. We won't know for sure how bad until we see how the healing progresses. You should be able to get by fine in everyday life, but..."

He doesn't have to continue. Minseok knows perfectly well what he's getting at. There's no place for a spy in less than perfect physical condition, especially not a Student like him, who was bred and trained to be perfect in every possible way. He needs to be able to fight, and he needs to be able to blend in wherever he goes. He won't be able to do that with a bad leg.

"What's going to happen to me?" Minseok asks, cutting right to the point.

"That's been a matter of some debate," Heechul says delicately. "I advocated for one option, but I didn't know if it would be something you'd really want." Minseok waits, and he continues, "I suggested that we let you recover over the summer and then return to college. We'll provide you with the resources to finish your degree, and leave you to choose your own path from there."

Minseok stares at Heechul, dumbstruck. Go back to school? He never would have imagined that that could be a possibility after everything that's happened. Not just going back to school, but going back to school with no mission, no strings attached, no responsibilities as a Student for the rest of his life. It seems too good to be true. "I could do that?" he asks. "I would be allowed to do that?"

Heechul smiles, a slow, cat-like smirk. "I can be very convincing. And you're already in the system as college student Kim Minseok, so it would be a way to get you out of our hair with minimal extra effort. I can't guarantee you'll be safe, but Kim Junmyeon will be returning to Korea to finish his schooling, so Organization X has no further motive to be there. They're a smart bunch; they're unlikely to waste resources getting revenge on a single operative.

"Of course, it depends on whether you want to go back, but the option is there. You finished your finals and I'll get your dorm room cleared out, so while your friends may have some questions, as far as the school is concerned, everything will be in order. What do you say?"

"Can I think about it?" It's too big a decision for Minseok to make immediately. His mind is numbed by the pain meds, and he's still trying to process everything that's happened in the last...not even two days, unless he was out for a very long time. It's hard to believe that so much has changed in such a short time.

Heechul nods. "We'll send you back to Korea as soon as you're ready to travel and you'll complete your recovery there. Once you're out of the hospital, then you can make your decisions about the future."

 

Minseok spends three days in the hospital, followed by a long and painful flight to Korea. He has to be wheeled through the airport, unable to do anything for himself between his injured leg and his bruised ribs restricting his movements. For someone who has never been held back by illness or injury, it's frustrating, but Minseok knows he's lucky to be alive. He's lucky, too, to be returning to Korea with help instead of being left to fend for himself, now that he's no longer useful. It could be a lot worse.

In Korea, Minseok finds himself in a hospital in Seoul, waiting to recover slightly more before he can begin rehabilitation. He gets his own room, but it's determined that he no longer needs a guard, so he's left on his own, aside from nurses and the occasional doctor. Minseok's never spent so much time alone and inactive, and it's the last thing he wants now, when there are so many things he doesn't want to lie in bed thinking about (Amber bleeding, Junmyeon crumpling to the floor of his dorm room, Lu Han's face when they said goodbye, the way the entire reason he exists has been snatched away from him).

He's relieved to have a distraction but also wary when, on his fourth day in Seoul, a nurse tells him he has a visitor. "Do you want to see him?"

They wouldn't let him keep a gun in here, but he has a knife hidden under his mattress, and he reaches for it to reassure himself as he asks, "Who is it?"

"Someone named Kim Junmyeon."

Minseok is startled at the name, but who else would it be? Anyone from School would come in without asking, and he doesn't know anyone else in Korea (besides Jongdae, if he's home by now, but there's no way he knows where Minseok is). He's a little afraid of what Junmyeon will want to say to him, but he deserves the chance to say it, and besides, Minseok is starved for company. "Yes, he can come in," he tells the nurse.

It's jarring seeing Junmyeon walk into his hospital room, after everything. He's flanked by guards and dressed more formally than Minseok's used to seeing him. This is the Junmyeon in the files Minseok read before he started his mission, every inch the rich CEO's son. "Wait outside," he tells his guards, "and close the door."

Minseok braces himself for the worst, but once the guards are gone, Junmyeon smiles, transformed back into the Junmyeon Minseok spent so much of the past year watching, the one he came to consider a friend. "It's good to see you. How are you feeling?"

Minseok shrugs, which at least he can do now that the bruising all over his chest has gone down. "Better." He's a long way from good, but that much is true. "How are you?"

Junmyeon stops to think about that, his expression a little wry and a little sad. "I'm all right. I've learned a lot of things I kind of wish I hadn't, but it's better than being in the dark. And as thanks for my safe return, my father is stopping his illegal activities and cooperating with your people, so at least there's that."

That's news to Minseok, who hasn't been kept in the loop since his injury. It's comforting to know that his efforts did some good beyond saving Junmyeon. That was what motivated him, in the end, but his mission was always about much more than Junmyeon's safety. "That's good."

They lapse into silence, and Minseok tries and fails to read Junmyeon's expression. "I've been thinking a lot about whether I should be angry with you for lying to me," Junmyeon says at last. "I'm not happy about it, but considering that you were there to look after me and you got hurt saving my life, I think I can find it in me to forgive you."

"I'm sorry," Minseok says. Despite Junmyeon's words, he owes him an apology when he's conscious to hear it. "I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you better, and I'm sorry that I lied to you."

Junmyeon nods, acknowledging his words. "Did you lie about everything?" he asks. "They told me that your name really is Kim Minseok and that you really are my age, but not much else."

"I wasn't born in Gyeonggi-do," Minseok tells him. It's a trivial thing, really, but it's the first detail that comes to mind. "I don't have a sister. I don't have any family. I didn't have a normal childhood like you. Not at all."

"I always thought there was something strange about you, but I assumed you were just awkward." Junmyeon's wry smile quickly fades away. "But I don't care if you lied about your past. I just want to know...were we friends? It's bad enough finding out that Amber was only pretending so that she could pump me for information and then kidnap me to get at my father. On top of that, I had to learn that two more of my close friends were spies. I'd hate to think so many friendships I valued were nothing but shams." Junmyeon looks hurt for only a moment before he schools his expression into something more neutral. He's almost good enough at that to be a spy.

"I did get close to you because it was my mission," Minseok admits, "and at first, I didn't even understand what friendship was, so I couldn't be your friend. In time, though, I did come to consider you a friend. When you got kidnapped, I was angry with myself for failing at my mission, but I also hated the thought of anything happening to you. Not because you were my mission; because you were my friend and I couldn't let you get hurt."

Junmyeon considers for a moment before he smiles again, warm and lasting. "Good. Then I forgive you not just in exchange for you saving my life." A few moments of comfortable silence pass before Junmyeon asks, "What are you going to do now? Back to spying?"

Minseok shakes his head. "Not with this injury."

Junmyeon's eyes flick down to Minseok's leg and his brow furrows. "What will you do, then? Will you be okay?" 

"I haven't figured out my plans yet," Minseok tells him, "but I'll be okay." He doesn't know if that's true, but Junmyeon doesn't need to worry about him. "What about you?"

Junmyeon frown deepens slightly, then disappears. "I'm going to finish university in Korea. I had a lot of fun last year, but it's safer for me here. After that...well, I'm never taking over my father's business, if it even survives the current situation, but that's all I've decided so far." He squares his shoulders and offers Minseok a controlled but seemingly genuine smile that makes Minseok think he'll be okay, whatever he decides. "I don't know if we'll see each other again, but either way, take care. I hope whatever you end up doing turns out well for you. Thank you for keeping me safe, and for being my friend."

"Yes, um..." Minseok doesn't know the right way to respond, but Junmyeon laughs.

"It's okay. You don't have to say anything back." He turns to go but pauses, looking back over his shoulder. "If your future plans turn out to allow it, I'd be happy to see you again anytime."

He walks out without waiting for a reply, leaving Minseok smiling as the door closes behind him. Whatever else can be said about his first mission, he's happy that he managed to make a good friend.

 

One of the trainers from School comes to accompany Minseok to the rehabilitation facility, but he barely says anything to Minseok besides confirming that he's clear on his cover story. (The one that he's using here, which was told with some elaboration to his university and his friends and everyone else but Junmyeon's parents, is that there was a car accident in the middle of the night, and Minseok was injured badly enough that he returned to Korea immediately. If anyone here asks, his parents live in Daegu and can't come to Seoul to visit him, so he's on his own.)

Minseok spends his first week of rehab gritting his teeth through painful and frustratingly limited exercises in between half-heartedly interacting with his fellow patients and thinking about his future. There's no place for him as a spy, and he's not experienced enough to be a trainer at School, so all he could do there is take care of Students too young for real training. Heechul pulled for him to have the option of going back to school like nothing has changed, or of finishing university in Korea, though he'll have to get into one on his own.

Minseok knows he doesn't want to be a caretaker at school, watching children grow into what he can no longer be and starting their journey toward a life he's no longer so sure is a good one. On the other hand, the thought of venturing out into the world on his own, with no handler and no mission to guide him, without his fundamental identity to hold onto, is a frightening one. Even when he doubted what he was doing, he never doubted what he was. He's always known what he was born to do, and he doesn't know how to live without that.

The prospect of staying in Korea for university is tempting, but only because he wouldn't have to go back and face what he left behind there. There are sure to be questions about how he, Junmyeon, Yixing and Amber all disappeared in the same night, and of course there's Lu Han, who has every reason to want nothing to do with Minseok now. But being in the rehab facility and interacting with other patients is making Minseok realize that Korea is almost as much of a foreign country to him as the U.S. was, considering his isolated upbringing. At least he knows what to expect if he goes back to the same school. Here, he would have to start all over.

Two weeks into the rehab program, Heechul comes to see Minseok. In the U.S., he dressed to fit the role of a relatively young, single uncle who worked at home. Here, he's dressed to blend in in a different way, like a businessman stopping by after work. It's as jarring as Junmyeon's transformation, reminding Minseok that Heechul is a chameleon he doesn't truly know at all. "You're looking good," Heechul comments when he sees Minseok.

Minseok doesn't feel good, but he is doing better, on minimal pain relief (and that only because he can't give away how high his pain tolerance is) and able to get around, somewhat laboriously, on his own. He nods, and Heechul smiles, looking more how Minseok remembers him.

"I came to talk to you about your plans," Heechul says without wasting more time on small talk. "Have you thought about what to do?"

"I have." That's about all Minseok can say at this point; he's just been thinking in circles, afraid to commit to a decision.

Heechul looks at him like he knows what's going through Minseok's head. "Nothing appeals?"

It's not that the options are so terrible, but none of them are the life Minseok spent his whole childhood preparing to live. He doesn't want to admit that, but after more than two weeks alone with his thoughts, he finds he wants to get them out. Besides, if Heechul didn't judge him harshly for the mistakes he made in the field, admitting some weakness isn't likely to change his opinion of Minseok. "How can I be anything but a Student?" he asks. "This is who I am."

Heechul studies him for a long time, and Minseok wonders if he was wrong to think it was safe to put his thoughts out there. There's no judgment in Heechul's expression, but it does make him feel very exposed. At last, Heechul speaks, his tone calm and conversational. "The thing I've always liked about being a Student is the possibility. I'm my own person, of course, but then I can go to so many places and be so many different people. But the thing is, that possibility is an illusion. There's always someone telling me who to be and how to be them. People tell me where to go and how long to stay there and what to do while I'm there. I don't have infinite possibilities open to me, only the ones I'm given.

"But for you, the possibilities are real now. You can decide if you want to be a doctor or a scientist or a poet or anything, really, and what kind of person you want to be. You can go where you want to go and see who you want to see, with no one pulling your strings. It's harder, I suppose, having to find your own way in the world, or at least more uncertain, but don't underestimate how special it is to have that opportunity."

He's right, but that doesn't change the fact that Minseok never asked to have all the possibilities in the world open to him. Then again, a part of him did dream about continuing the life he was living undercover. It won't be the same, after everything that happened, but shouldn't he jump at the chance to make that a reality?

"Besides," Heechul continues while Minseok is still thinking, "you'll always be a Student underneath it all. That is who you are, not what you do. What kind of Student is too afraid to make a move when they already know what they should do?"

And that's it, isn't it? Minseok has considered his options, and none of them are perfect, but only one is something he wants to do. What is he doing being so indecisive? "I'm not sure I'm a very good Student," he says, looking down at his hands, and beyond that to his injured leg.

He's not expecting Heechul to laugh. "Maybe, maybe not, but I'd say you're a pretty good person. That's not such a bad thing to be. Better, really, in your situation." Before Minseok can figure out how to respond to that (let alone how to feel about it), Heechul says, "So it's decided, then?"

It's something of a relief to be put on the spot and forced to stop waffling. It is decided, because there was only ever one good choice. "Yes," he says. "It is."

"Good." Heechul gets to his feet. "Have a good life, then. It's probably better if I don't see you around."

"Uh, yes," Minseok agrees. He doesn't say thank you, but he suspects Heechul knows he's thinking that too.

Minseok has a physical therapy session after Heechul leaves, and he approaches it with renewed determination. In two and a half months, it will be time for him to return to school to start his new life. It's exciting and terrifying at the same time, and he has no idea what to expect, but all he can do now is work hard to be ready for it. All he can do from now on is work hard and make the most of the possibilities in front of him.

 

 

When Minseok arrives on campus at the end of the summer, it looks exactly as he remembers it, but it feels so different. It's not the school that's changed, but him, and what this place means for him. He wasn't afraid last year, starting out his mission, but he is now, alone and unsure of what he'll find here. On the other hand, this time around, he can allow himself to enjoy his time here without guilt, and to look forward to the future. That's exciting, despite the fear.

He's in the campus center picking up his room key when someone calls his name, and he turns to see Krystal jogging over to him. She startles him by pulling him into a brief but tight hug. "How are you? I heard about the accident and I was worried."

"I'm okay," Minseok assures her. "I'm good."

Krystal smiles at him, and Minseok is surprised, to tell the truth, because he didn't see much of her last year after she broke up with Junmyeon, but it seems she does still consider him a friend. "I'm glad. I've got to go get my key, but I'll see you around, okay?"

"See you." As Krystal heads off, Minseok finds himself smiling too. He was—and still is—worried about the reception he'll face after the way he left last year, but it's nice to know that someone is happy to see him here.

Walking across campus is much more of a struggle than it was last year. Rehab did wonders for Minseok's leg, but he's still healing, and he's never going to be back to the perfect shape he was in before. He limps up the small hill toward his dorm, lugging his overstuffed backpack and the same two suitcases he moved in with the first time. There's no one to help him now, but injury or no injury, he can take care of himself.

He's crossing the street when he hears his name again, the familiar "Minsock" pronunciation. Two guys from his Spanish class, Mehdi and Brian, are waving at him from next to one of the parked cars. He puts down his suitcases long enough to wave back. This is even more surprising than Krystal, because he made minimal effort to be friendly to the people in his classes, but they look genuinely happy to see him. Last year, Minseok wouldn't have cared one way or another, but now, he finds that it feels good.

A total stranger, probably the father of some student, insists on carrying both of Minseok's suitcases up the stairs for him. Minseok doesn't like feeling weak, but the truth is, he needs the help; it's a struggle to climb the stairs with only his backpack. He tries not to dwell on that, instead appreciating that even someone he doesn't know is willing to help him. Between his friends and the kindness of strangers, maybe he's not so alone after all.

As he approaches the door of his dorm room, Minseok's bags start to feel heavy for reasons that have nothing to do with fatigue. He hasn't spoken to Baekhyun all summer, ignoring all his attempts at communication, and he has no idea what kind of reception is waiting for him. Baekhyun doesn't know the truth of what happened last year, so there's no telling what he thinks of the way Minseok disappeared without a word. There's no guarantee he'll be happy to see Minseok again.

When Minseok opens the door, Baekhyun is alone in the room, his back to Minseok as he looks in the closet. He turns around, and for one brief moment, Minseok worries, but then Baekhyun beams at him. "Minseok!" He runs over and catches Minseok in a hug. "You're here! I didn't know if you were coming back or not. Did you hear that Junmyeon, Yixing and Amber all ditched us? Amber didn't even tell anyone, and since you ignored me all summer, I thought you might've left for good too."

"No, I'm back." Baekhyun's rambling is a shock to Minseok's system after more than three months away from it, but it's such a relief to know that Baekhyun isn't going to hold the summer of silence against him.

"How are you doing?" Baekhyun asks, eyes dropping to Minseok's leg (the wrong one, but that's beside the point). "Are you okay? Junmyeon said you were hurt pretty bad."

"I'll live," Minseok tells him.

"Good." Baekhyun's smile grows even wider, and he gives Minseok another quick hug. "It's really good to see you. Are you moving in alone? Here, let me help you." He grabs one of Minseok's suitcases and drags it into the room.

"Have you seen anyone else yet?" Minseok asks, pretending that it's a casual question. There's one more person he's anxious about seeing, but Baekhyun doesn't need to know that.

"Jongdae's not getting in until later, but Han's here," Baekhyun says, blithely oblivious to Minseok's worries. "He's getting his stuff sorted out downstairs, but he stopped by to say hi."

"Downstairs?" Minseok asks. Lu Han was supposed to be in a different dorm last he heard, but they haven't spoken all summer either.

"Yeah, he got reassigned to one of the singles downstairs since Junmyeon's gone, so we're going to be neighbors again."

"Cool," Minseok says.

He must not be doing a great job acting casual after all, because Baekhyun stops rambling, his smile dimming somewhat. "Did something happen with you guys? I asked Han if he heard from you over the summer and he got all cagey, so I thought maybe you broke up."

"We didn't." It's the truth, technically, but they might as well have broken up. Minseok hasn't let himself think too much about it, but he's all too aware that Lu Han may want nothing more to do with him. Even if he is willing to forgive Minseok for lying to him and using him, they can't go back to the way things were before. There may be some kind of future for them, friendship at least, or maybe even a rekindled relationship—a real one built on honesty—but Minseok doesn't dare to get his hopes up. He knows what he wants, but it's all up to Lu Han.

"But you didn't talk to him all summer?" Baekhyun frowns, looking confused, and Minseok can't blame him.

"It was a bad summer," Minseok says, which is also the truth, but only a small part of it. "I should go talk to him before I start unpacking." He wants to get this over with, and besides, he owes it to Lu Han to face him and have the honest conversation they didn't get to have the night Junmyeon was kidnapped.

"Okay, go. He's in room 104." Baekhyun smiles again, but more hesitantly. "Good luck, if you need it."

"Thanks." It's a relief to know that at least Baekhyun is on his side, whatever happens with Lu Han.

Minseok makes his way slowly to Lu Han's room. Part of him wants to just get this over with, but another part wants to put it off for a little longer, holding onto hope as long as he can. He's afraid that Lu Han will hate him, and he's afraid of what that will do to him. Lu Han was such a big part of his life here last year, such a big part of the transformation Minseok experienced. He didn't come back for Lu Han, but he's afraid he'll regret his decision to return if he has to be without someone so important to him.

He gets fed up with his cowardly stalling and walks from the stairs to Lu Han's room as quickly as his bad leg will take him. The door is open, but Lu Han is looking at his phone and doesn't notice Minseok. Bracing himself for whatever comes, he says, "Hi, Lu Han."

Lu Han looks up and then freezes at the sight of Minseok, eyes going wide. He has good reason to be upset or angry, but right now, he only looks shocked. For a few seconds that seem to last forever, Lu Han just stares at him, until he says, "Come in." He closes the door behind Minseok and gestures toward the bed, so Minseok uncertainly sits on it. He sat on Lu Han's bed so many times before, but he doesn't feel comfortable there now.

Minseok doesn't know how to start this conversation, so they sit in silence for a while, Lu Han not quite looking at him. Finally, Lu Han says, "I had no idea you were coming back. Junmyeon told me you got hurt, and that he saw you in Korea, but he didn't know what you were going to do next. We both thought you'd do something...like before, maybe train people if you couldn't go out and work. We were sure you wouldn't be allowed to come back here."

"Heechul, my..." He hesitates, even though Lu Han already knows that Heechul isn't who they claimed he was. "My handler. He pulled some strings for me, I think. Convinced our bosses that letting me stick with this cover they established for me was a good way to get me off their hands. They'll give me what I need to get through school and then I'm on my own."

Lu Han's vague acknowledging sound in response tells Minseok this isn't what he wants to talk about now, which Minseok can understand. Silence falls again, and since Lu Han isn't looking at Minseok, Minseok is free to study him. His brow is furrowed, his eyes downcast, and his body language says that he's unhappy and worried and maybe angry, his shoulders hunched and his hands clenched into fists. Minseok is tense too, anticipating the worst.

Finally, still looking down, Lu Han says, "I went over it in my head so many times, all summer long. That last night most of all, but every interaction with you that I remembered. I kept wondering what, if anything, that you told me was true, and if any of the moments I thought we had were real. You told me that not everything was a lie, but...you got close to me to get to Junmyeon, didn't you?"

"Yes. I didn't plan it, but when the opportunity arose, I took it." It's uncomfortable to tell the truth, but Minseok owes Lu Han that much, even if it hurts them both.

"And when we started dating..."

"I was thinking about Junmyeon then too." 

Lu Han frowns, and Minseok's familiar guilt settles more heavily on his shoulders. "Then...when did it change?" His frown deepens. " _Did_ it change?"

" _Yes_." Minseok's surprised by his own vehemence. He takes a breath to calm himself down. "I didn't understand at first. I'd never dated anyone before. I'd never even had a friend before I came here. I didn't know what it felt like to care about someone. But I think...on winter break, when we were at school together, Junmyeon was gone and I didn't have to think about my mission, and I realized that I liked spending time with you even when I didn't have to. That was the beginning, and it grew from there. It took me a long time to understand what I was feeling, and it was hard for me to accept, but it was there. It was real."

Lu Han is still frowning, but less than before, and Minseok dares to believe that they might be okay, whatever that will mean now. "I loved you, you know. I don't know if you can call it that when it I didn't really know you, but I thought I loved you, anyway."

Minseok wants to wilt from the heavy pressure of his guilt, but he forces himself to sit up straight and not look away. "I'm sorry. I still don't know what love feels like, but I did care about you more than I've ever cared about anyone else in my life." He pauses, taking a deep breath and letting his words sink in. "I don't know if there's any future for us after the way I lied to you, and you don't owe me anything, but I'd really like it if we could...try again, maybe. Start over without any lies and see where it takes us."

"You'd want that?" Lu Han asks. He sounds surprised, but not, Minseok thinks, like he's opposed to the idea. 

Minseok smiles crookedly. "I would. I do. Would you? Do you think you could forgive me?"

Lu Han takes the time to consider that. He's hesitating, but Minseok knows how to read people, and Lu Han in particular is an open book. He should have guessed, maybe, that Lu Han wouldn't be able to hate him, but he didn't dare hope until now. "I have a lot of questions for you. A lot of things I still want to understand. But I know you were trying to do something good, and I think...if you can be honest with me from now on, I think I can forgive you."

Relief washes over Minseok at Lu Han's words. "Thank you," he says, and then, "I'm sorry. I hope you know that."

Lu Han nods. In the ensuing silence, he bites his lip and taps his fingers on his legs. "Are you here to stay?" he asks at last. "You're not just going to leave again?"

Minseok shakes his head firmly. "I won't leave. No more spying for me."

"How do I know you won't just dump me once you realize all the other options you have?"

Minseok laughs, as much from relief as because he thinks it's funny. Now he's sure that they'll be okay, that he'll have another chance with Lu Han, however it turns out. That's all he could ever ask for. "I can't promise that. I could say the same for you. But right now, I promise you, I don't want anyone else."

"Yeah?" Lu Han gets up from his desk chair and moves to sit next to Minseok on the bed. "Are you sure?"

He's leaning in close, slowly but surely, and Minseok is amazed at how good this feels when he's not worrying about being distracted from his mission and not feeling guilty for lying to Lu Han, able to lose himself in the happy anticipation. "I don't think this counts as starting over," he says dryly. It seems too fast, but if Lu Han doesn't mind, why would he argue?

Lu Han smiles, his eyes twinkling. "Maybe not from the very beginning, but we did start dating with a kiss, right? It'd be nice to do it again when you really want it." A flicker of doubt crosses his expression. "You do want it?"

Minseok responds with a kiss that's nothing like the first one they shared, firm and sure on both their parts. After more than three months apart, Minseok is eager to kiss Lu Han, licking into his mouth and wrapping his arms around him, feeling more comfortable with this than he ever would have imagined he could be. It's hard to believe that this is real, that he's here to stay and Lu Han wants him back, but everything feels too vibrant to deny. 

After a while, he starts to think they won't stop, that they'll just kiss forever or jump right to having sex again, but at last they break apart, leaning back to look at each other without letting go. "I want it," Minseok says unnecessarily.

Lu Han's face lights up. He looks so cute that Minseok, giddy with happiness and excitement at his newfound freedom, has to kiss him again, first on the lips and then on the tip of his nose. That makes Lu Han laugh, all his doubt replaced by happiness. Looking at him, Minseok thinks that maybe he does have an inkling what love is after all. If he's not there yet, well, his new life is only just beginning. He has plenty of time to learn.


End file.
